


Best Kept Secret

by Playspective



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, CEO Kang Daniel, Drama & Romance, F/F, Mentioned Kang Daniel, Mentioned Kim Heechul, Multi, Realistic, michaeng, namo - Freeform, sahyo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2020-12-16 02:21:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 50
Words: 75,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21028670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Playspective/pseuds/Playspective
Summary: Sana and Jihyo are each other's Best Kept Secret in a world that celebrates JihyoXDaniel.TWICE has promised the world to show good image as 9. But JYPE has other plans. For the love of their dream to be on stage happily meeting Once, the girls would not give in without a subtle fight.[Events are HIGHLY BASED ON REALITY. The author reimagines what goes behind leading TWICE in such situation.]





	1. Dating for Good Image?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1\. Genie Music Awards 2019  
2\. JYPE and Konnect confirms Dating issue

_A time for the nine of us._

"Thank you to Once who watch over us through both the good and bad. We'll work hard to show you a good image as 9-member Twice." _Nayeon unnie's well-thought out speech fits well especially in this trying time._

_I'm thankful that we have her as our oldest. Along with Jeongyeon, Momo, and partner Sana~ Yeah, I'm the leader. But honestly, I still lack a lot. I'm just glad these unnies have my back._

The girls show Mina what they've just gotten from Genie Music Awards.

"We've worked hard Mina unnie", Tzuyu tells her.

"How are Onces?" Mina asks.

"Oh, many Onces were there. They cheered a lot!" Chaeyoung hands over the trophy to Sana and continues through.

Nayeon and Momo filling-in with laughter as they also tell how Dahyun saved them from a bug. Dahyun reenacts as Jeongyeon gives Mina her meds.

Sana passes the trophies to Jihyo who's climbing a chair, "Careful~".

Jihyo sighs a relief as she puts their first 2019 daesang atop the cupboard. She marvels at the collection before her and says, "Mina let's keep living our dreams with the nine of us like this".

Morning comes. Jihyo awakens by her phone. She smiles upon seeing a long-time friend ringing her. "Ooo~ Taecyeon oppa it's been a long time! Good mor-".

"Yah, Jisu-yah... you didn't tell me you're already dating?"

"That's a new way of saying chukahae", Jihyo lets a little laugh.

"Chukahae! Our Jisu is grown now", Taecyeon expresses his congratulations.

"Hehe komawoyo~", Jihyo thanks him. Another call is waiting for her. It's from manager Jinjin. She sighs, "Oppa mian. Let's talk next time. Manager is calling."

"Alright, tell me over a meal next time. Okay?" Taecyeon hangs up. _This oppa is really funny. He knows how award shows go. But he still wants me to tell him? Hahaha!_

Jihyo trying not to disturb her roommates, slowly goes out the bedroom to answer a persistent call from the manager.

"Jihyo ssi mianda", manager quickly apologizes. "Dispatch made a breaking news". _Why does manager sound so certain and serious? And did he just say Dispatch?!_

"You and Kang Daniel are dating."

"Huh? WheRe diD THAT COME FROM?!" _What's the politics behind this? Is this why Taecyeon oppa said chukahae?! And I thanked him. _Jihyo slams her head with her palm and murmurs, "babo-yah."

"Hmm good morning." Jihyo jumps and accidentally hangs up her phone as Sana suddenly hugs her from behind, "Why are you surprised? It's just me, heh."

"Who was that?" she asks.

"Uhm, Jinjin oppa." Jihyo waits for Sana to break away before sending a text that she doesn't know about it and has nothing to do with it.

"Oh, did our schedule changed?"

Again, manager is calling. "I~ will take this to find out." Jihyo grins as Sana goes to the kitchen, "alright then I'll make you something."

"Jihyo ssi, I'm sorry. The higher ups have decided to confirm it anyway. It seems Konnect agrees to do the same."

"NONSENSE."

"The Public Relations team is enabling Dispatch's report saying its going to help the company. Err, Twice image too since we're moving to mature concepts."

"I said make it make sense! Nayeon unnie just told national tv that we'll work hard to show good image tHEN THIS?"

"Well apparently, the company received massive criticism following Mina's situation. That the company is abusive to the point of ill health."

"It is. And the proper solution for that is to give ample spaces in between events. We barely made it on US Tour. How would a Dating issue solve this? It only worsens it."

"I don't know what the companies agreed to. But with this, it would mean you are treated well. That you still have time to date", manager explains.

"I AM USED as a diversion! And what of Kang Daniel?"

He adds, "Perhaps it's also favorable to him. I'm just informing you that both are confirming the issue. I hope all of you would prepare. I~ I'm really sorry."

The call has ended and Jihyo is in total disbelief. It's magnified even more when she turns around and finds Sana rubbed off of a smile in a supposed good morning.

Breakfast scatters on the floor. Silence echoes as both realize an impending cruel reality to live through.

_To be known as someone I'm not, I feel discouraged. But making her worry like this, I am defeated._

_Neither of us know what we actually are to each other. We never hid it either. Who needs dating issue when we are-?_

_Who am I kidding? We wouldn't count as good image too. Whatever we are. But still, don't become different Sana._

"Morning~ everything alright?" the girls are up one by one.

"Yup! Everything fine." Jihyo rushes in to help Sana clean up.


	2. Let's Eat Our Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1\. Dispatch on JihyoXDaniel  
2\. Vlive  
3\. Twice TV6 Singapore  
4\. TwicelightsinSG  
5\. MomoXHeechul rumor

Her hand brushes Sana's. She's trying to incite a reaction. Anything but a serious Sana. Because a serious Sana is a scary Sana.

Meanwhile, Chaeyoung eases on the sofa and starts getting social media updated. Her eyes widen, brows curve, jaws drop like never before. "WOAaahh! Omo omo, unnie yah. Yah yah yah~ JIHYO-UNNIE YAH!!"

Jihyo just side glances her as she's still on to Sana.

"Wae, wae, wae?!" Jeongyeon closes in. Nayeon follows, "what's up? Everything's alright, right?"

Sana carrying a mess passes by in an obvious worried look. "Okay. Everything's NOT alright", Nayeon concludes.

"You", Chaeyoung points at Nayeon and Jeongyeon "and you... Who among you drove Jihyo unnie to her date? T-to a man's house?"

"WE WHAT?!" NaJeong exclaims.

"WHAT?! Unnies got involved?!" Jihyo syncs in. She snatches Chaeng's phone to read how Dispatch writes her good image.

_Good image my ass. You had one job Dispatch. Sigh. At least this fic author-nim attempts to remind everyone how indecisive I am._

_That I barely finished a handcrafted notebook because there's a lot of covers and kinds of pages to choose from. Good thing, Jeongyeon-ie hurried me up._

_Let alone choosing to chase a guy in his exclusive villa on this terrible schedule and even manages to take an unnie to drive for me!_

"What's with another issue by the way? Similar to Jennie chingu", Nayeon ponders.

Making sense of their responses, Chaeng apologizes. "Oh sorry. Both companies confirmed it. So, I thought~".

"Jihyo could never!" NaJeong repeats. "She's fickle!" Jeongyeon attests.

"Yeah, Jihyo unnie can't even make up her mind on whether to buy a teddy bear or not. Remember that, hyung?" Chaeng recalls.

"Ugh, I jumped a lot to reach it only to be asked to return it." Jeongyeon shakes her head.

"Thanks everyone for knowing me so well. But I'm already ruined", Jihyo's eyes on Sana who has gone to the bedroom. She gets up to follow.

"You'll survive though", Chaeng raises. "Anything is possible with us together. Right, unnies?"

Jihyo beams with a bit of hope, "Twice Twice jjalja!" She marches on.

Sana flops on bed. She senses Jihyo next to her. "I have to get used to you as being someone else's now. I will look after you from afar", Sana says faintly.

"Annyeong, Sana's Jihyo imnida~" _Please don't. Don't get used to it. Instead, look at me more closely. I am Sana's Jihyo. _She squeezes in for a hug. Sana adjusts enclosing Jihyo to her arms. Their fingers entwine, thumbs rubbing one another.

"From now on, the world knows otherwise. And that~" Sana meets Jihyo's eyes, "That's okay."

Jihyo buries her face unto Sana's neck. "I'm scared", she says.

_In Singapore, I've promised so many people that I will become better. To be more responsible and mature than how my parents raised me. I'm in no way near that promise. What kind of a leader am I?_

"I felt that months ago", Sana recalls her Instagram post. "Mitang did too recently." She reaches for Jihyo's face, "But as long as we understand each other, it will get better."

"Jihyo-yah, you're not alone. There's nine of us." Sana moves closest. She goes in tongue first for Jihyo's and plants a quick yet resounding kiss.

"I'm hungry." Sana declares.

Asdfghjkl!@#$%. Jihyo's mind goes blank and the only thing she utters is, "S-Sana ssi." Flushed, she folds her lower lip in shock. Yet, she braces in anticipation.

Sana takes more of her space. Leaning in then, suddenly~

"Let's have breakfast." Sana says as she passes above her and gets out of bed, "I dropped it. What a waste. Damn Dispatch!"

Jihyo breathes out.

_W-what was that? She actually kissed me this time. I've been asking her. But s-she grants it when I'm sober? But it isn't as soft as I've imagined it to be. It's rather- unforgiving._

Jihyo gets a grip of herself and catches up on Sana who's already seated. Everyone is now gathered in the dining.

As much as she wanted to ask Sana about what just happened, she delays it when she notices the rest of the girls on to something.

"Jihyo unnie are you alright? I just heard about it", Dahyun taps her.

"Honestly, I- don't know how I'd face the public especially Once", Jihyo worries. "I feel like I've eaten my own words. Embarrassing."

"Me too, Jihyo. Me too. Ugh, my beautiful speech~" Nayeon laments.

"Don't be. We're planning something", Momo retorts.

"Hmm, seems we have time 'til the next sched. Rest unnie. Inhale, exhale, meditate until you can smile more brightly to the camera", Tzuyu advices.

Jihyo doesn't seem to catch a break when later that day, she receives another call from the manager. "Another dating issue has spread. This time it's Momo."

"MOMO?!" Jihyo is close to breaking down. Not for long, she hangs up.

"Eh? What about me?" Momo has no idea.

"Another issue within 24 hours", Jihyo massages the bridge of her nose.

"I-I have issue?" Momo is puzzled.

"Yeah, with Heechul sunbaenim. The company has immediately denied it at first. Later retracted it. Then finally, denied it." Jihyo lets a sigh of relief.

"Yah! These people are mean!" Momo is upset.

Dahyun appeases her while her worries intensify for the rest of them, "What's going on? It's as if the company is cornered and we're being pawned. What are we supposed to do?"

"I have an idea!" Chaeyoung slams the table and shows everyone. "So, what do you guys think? Hyung, I'm not the only one who's good at rebelling now."

"Chaeng Chaeng this is beyond brilliant!" Mina holds her.

"Woah, my dongsaeng!" Jeongyeon grabs them initiating the chant. "Whatever's going on, we will not put up without a fight."

The rest comes in and together, "TWICE TWICE JJALJA!!"


	3. MiChaeng to the Rescue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1\. TwicelightsinChicago  
2\. Vlive   
3\. ISAC Chuseok 2019 recording  
4\. Kang Daniel fancafe message  
5\. Feel Special MV recording

Chaeyoung has also grown so much. She thought of a highly aesthetic rebellion compared to her hyung. It was so intricate, no one would know what hit them.

Well, Jeongyeon is undeniably stealthy too. She finished the last world tour stop with tears of joy pertaining to the locals' famous pizza. As if she survived a long battle and could finally live humanely.

However, those same tears successfully masked exhaustion and longing for Mina who got sick and was left behind. Jeongyeon was so angry at JYPE, she started a Live without the company knowing.

She didn't mind how the company would get back to her. She even taunted about getting beers on broadcast. Little did she know, nor anyone for that matter, the company would do so by Jihyo.

While still making sense of it all, Mina admires this fighting spirit of her members that's why she's enduring.

"Chaeng Chaeng", Mina gently wakes her. "Hmmmm~ Five more minutes Minariiing."

_I'm sorry Chaengie for still waking you up like this. This is the only thing I could do for now. To help you succeed with the plan. _"Chaengie, an hour has already passed."

Chaeng shoots up and slaps herself to consciousness. She looks around and find Dahyun nowhere. "I'm still lucky to not be up that early."

"Yup, very lucky." Mina giggles. "Food is ready Chaengie. I've yet to pack your stuff so I'll go ahead."

Chaeyoung catches Mina before she can leave, "I miss you."

"Eh? I'm already here baby, what are you talking about?" Mina in confusion.

"Yeah. Still, I miss us together."

Mina smiles and turns to Chaeyoung for a proper hug. "It sucks I won't be able to watch you guys shoot arrows this time. Bet you'd look sexy on the outfit." She traces Chaeng's newly done tattoo.

Chaeyoung winces, "T-that's not it! I- I'm sending a message."

"Yep and it's a powerful one. Let's make it for Jihyo!" Mina pats Chaeng as she leaves.

"This is not just for Jihyo unnie though", Chaeng mumbles and sighs.

In the living room, Mina sees Tzuyu almost done packing. She joins her. "Unnie I miss you", Tzuyu breaks the silence.

"Wha- Chaeng just told me that."

"Yeah but me too! ~We all do." Tzuyu halts her task and hugs Mina. "Feels empty when we're not together, all the nine of us."

They break off upon hearing a cough. It's Sana. Chaeyoung is behind her. "Uuhm, we've just finished packing up. Yey!" Tzuyu clarifies. Mina as well, "I- am giving my best wishes. School Meal Club fighting!"

"Only Tzuyu needs to do well as usual." Chaeyoung reviews the plan.

"Eh? Isn't this our chance to get Gold? Red Velvet sunbaes won't be able to attend. We could go viral just like your plan", Tzuyu asks.

"Would've been easier if there's a match between you and Irene sunbaenim again. Also, Dahyun-ah still has MC duties. Must be tiring for her to go for the finals", Sana reasons out.

"That's why I'm winging it. My neck tatt should get people curious."

"It will be covered up though. They'll censor it", Mina reminds Chaeng.

"Exactly." Chaeyoung assures.

Maknaes proceed to Goyang Gymnasium for the recording of ISAC Chuseok leaving Sana and Mina to have a conversation.

"How are you today Mitang?" Sana initiates.

"Are you okay, Sana-chan?" Mina asks back.

"Darling, I asked first." Sana puts up a sweet defense but Mina does not break her gaze.

"I am not okay", Sana confesses with nervous laughter. "I thought I'm gonna lose Once just a few months ago. And then, you. Seems fate is trying to take something. This time it's Jihyo!"

"I'm not the right person to talk to you about this", Mina tells her. "But we know, especially you two have been through a lot. The nine of us have been her world and you are her favorite person. Isn't that why she calls you partner?"

"I- it's just another name. Like Satang, but Partner."

Mina sighs, "For what it's worth, I'd think you guys are the ones dating."

"Except we're not. I don't have rights. And the articles are very convincing it's almost legally binding", Sana is dejected.

"They are not yet married and people divorce too!" Mina is impatient. "Look, even if they date, who do you think does she spends more time with?"

"She's godjihyo. She has time for everything." Sana refutes Mina.

"She spends more time with us. She spends more time with you." Mina receives a blank look. "I'm basically saying he got nothing on you."

"And would you just let Jihyo be with someone who, on a personal note, didn't pertain anything about her nor their 'relationship'?" Nayeon arrives.

"Oh, Nayeon unnie!" Surprised, Mina thought Nayeon is still resting after filming her special MV parts.

"What do you mean, Nayeon-ah?" Nayeon brings out her phone and shows Sana something. Sana takes her phone and gradually widens her eyes as she reads the letter.

_We are idols and fans are our priority. I understand that he would cater to his fans more than his girlfriend especially at this early point of solo career. _

_Because without fans, us idols are nothing. But this issue involves another idol who has fans to console too! Yet, there's not a single hint of clarity nor honesty about his decision to date. _

_Where's the empathy for Jihyo who was written as actively meeting him despite crazy sched? Her self-respect is sacrificed for this! I must wo-man up. He didn't. Who else will? _

"I heard he's our fan. He even liked Signal. So, shouldn't he be at least considerate if not ecstatic about 'dating' Jihyo? It sucks Jihyo is disregarded like this", Nayeon expresses.

Sana picks herself up. "Sana-chan?" Mina notices.

"I'm going."

"Eh? Where are you going?" Before MiNayeon could receive a feedback, Sana has left them.


	4. Jihyo's Sun Sets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1\. Idol Room  
2\. Dispatch  
3\. Vlive  
4\. Twicetagram  
5\. K-rush   
6\. Estee Lauder launch

In a gym, Jihyo is a resident goer spending 4 hours of training to maintain godly live performances. This time, she's seeking refuge. With every step on the treadmill, she is drowned on her thoughts.

_Look after me from afar? Then, that kiss. T-that's not a goodbye kiss. This is confusing than it already is!_

Jihyo shuts her eyes in surrender, "Ugh just... what are you up to?"

"That's your man's song."

"kApchAGE~" She almost tripped when Sana suddenly appears.

"Seems really inspired by you", Sana mocks. "Keep thinking about him, he might just drive to you this time."

_It's not him I'm thinking about, Sana. _"I'm not the only busy girl out there. Also, I have nothing to say to him. To you, have lots." Jihyo slows down and off the treadmill.

Sana offers her a bottle of water, "me too. It's a date then?"

Jihyo accepts.

They settle down in Soul Cup cafe with Iced drinks and some snacks. Jihyo delivers Sana's share. Sana, on the other hand, pierces the straws into their drinks. Both sip on theirs. Their eyes meet.

Jihyo asked for this moment to make peace with the imagery that got her on a loop. But catching Sana catch her in similar position doesn't help. The loop is inviting. She backs off as an attempt to stop herself and gulps.

"Not now, Jihyo. People are watching." Sana mouths it while shaking her head.

_Omo, this girl. SHE KNOWS. _

A serious Sana is scary. She is dangerous. Dangerous Sana doesn't miss a thing. She knows what every flinch means, what every silence says.

Jihyo got nothing to hide. She could only look around to check onlookers as she ventriloquizes, "Wha- No! There's nothing to see" then emphasizes to her, "TAKE RESPONSIBILITY" while pointing at her lips.

"I am." Sana assures.

_Girl, how exactly are you doing that? By weird wet kisses at random? _Jihyo drops her eyes then back to Sana. She scours the table of their belongings and leads Sana out with her.

"Should have done this from the beginning." Sana tells Jihyo as she's taken to the van. The pair continues to banter. "You said it's a date. Hence, a cafe."

"We're not new to each other. And we have something to spill!" Door slides. They get in. Closes. "Now, talk."

"What are we, Sana ssi?" Jihyo asks intently.

Sana raises her fingers one by one, "I like you. You like me. I claimed you early this year. You're even proud about it. In short, we-" slowly recalls "the Dating article."

Particularly, "It was **January 17th **when you became Sana's Jihyo... Jeongyeon is **the unnie who drove **when we visit their **nice place once a wee**k... you **recycle soju bottles **the morning after..."

_To avoid me because you keep asking me of something really embarassing when you're drunk. Something I prefer granting when you're conscious and sober._

Sana then realizes, "We're the ones dating."

_Just like what Mitang said to me Jihyo-yah. _"It's us. The issue, i-it's to keep us."

_I have no words. Sana and I are very much in the moment that we didn't know 'us'. We didn't care what we are. Well, it didn't matter as long as we're happy._

_God knows I've been asking for someone dependable and it's her who's always beside me. I myself didn't notice that that someone is in the shape of Sana._

Jihyo reaches for Sana's arm and gently strokes it with her thumb, "we failed to acknowledge 'us'. What more the others? The company's doing means it may be best to keep us secret."

"So, we really can't play like we used to huh." Sana holds her. Jihyo is sulking. "Alright then."

This would become another loop for Jihyo. But this time, it's rather painful than an inviting one. She grits her teeth at the thought of it. With that, she has to endure a supposed stunning Estee Lauder evening.

_How will I be able to smile?_

"I think I'm gonna throw up", Jihyo says. It's her first appearance after the issue was released. The recovery time leading up to this wasn't good to her.

"Here, I'm offering my hands this time." Nayeon is returning the favor to Jihyo who was ready to catch her vomit back in the day.

"Unnie, I'll ask the stylist to make me look really pretty. Me and my bangs will try to get the attention away from you", Tzuyu offers.

"Thanks Nayeon-ie and Tzuyu-ah. But I'll still try my best. How's this for a smile?" She shows them.

That evening, the world barely witnessed Jihyo's perfect teeth. Lips were sealed like Mona Lisa. Is she truly smiling? Or is she frowning?

Nonetheless, this is Jihyo who is known for bright smiles. Out of all her smiles thus far, this was rid of radiance. She needs her sun. But since then, Sana can only be seen from afar.


	5. Twice SOS Once

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1\. Twice at Incheon Departure  
2\. TwicelightsinKL

One Dahyun apart. Jihyo feels Sana's distance. She sees her girl hugging another as soon as she sets foot on the airport. Sana used to do it to her no matter how often they've already seen each other.

One Chaeyoung further. Sana draws the line between her and Jihyo. Learning that she too is at fault, she figured she has to perform beyond the master plan. And so, she does her best to keep distance.

"Chaengie, how's it going? Did you get the attention you were aiming for with your neck tatt?" Sana notices that Chaeyoung got more tattoos, "are those part of the plan too?"

"I think I did." Chaeng on sleevless top lifts her left arm a bit, "I've added some just to make sure. Will find out how it turns out when we get back. Let's take this chance first."

Twice touches down in Kuala Lumpur. They head straight to the rehearsals for the final stop of Twicelights World Tour. Jeongyeon approaches Jihyo whom she catches frequently zoning out.

"Hey yah, done with your ending message?"

"You know, I have so much to say. Not just to Malaysia." Jihyo utters while staring at a monitor beside the stage, "But I can't say anything other than sorry. For last year. For missing Mina. As well as for the dating issue, i-if I could."

"In a way, the rest of us can. Leave it to us", Jeong relieves her. "None of those are your fault. Don't take these all on you."

"Dating is my fault."

"Only if with Kang Daniel was true."

"Huh?! What's the difference with Sana?"

"You idiots were clueless!" Jeong knocks Jihyo, "just realizing now that it's become an issue."

To which Jihyo exclaims "Oww!" scratching her head.

"If Daniel's was true, would we go off with this energy?"

Jeong then prompts her, "Chaeng said School Meal Club won't hold back. Nayeon-ie is furious. She'd be intense tomorrow. Momo, nervous. Sana~" tilts her head "terrifying?"

_You mean dangerous? She been like that. Unnie, help! _"Will the world understand what we really want to say?" Jihyo is hesitant.

"That we'll have to try." Jeong tells her. "The world responds to sincerity. I believe it will sense our position."

D-Day. Chaeyoung poses a question to the girls before stepping into the platform.

"We are held captive by politics, society, the company. They instruct us to keep performing as usual. What would you say to alarm Once without JYPE noticing?"

She then gestures, "send SOS."

When Malaysian Once shared their journey through the fan VCR segment, the girls in turn reveal their earnest plea.

**"I wasn't okay. Were you okay?" **Sana sneers. Plain transparency. Her delivery is charmingly ruthless. Brave of her to just be straightforward of her disgust.

Upon finishing her speech, she hyper focuses on her sleeves successfully avoiding Jihyo's glances. She leaves her spot only whenever Dahyun is about to lose it. She comforts her.

**"I cannot cry and smile at the same time." **Dahyun is choking up but she has to continue. Good thing, Sana is backing her. _Just when we're about to get Mina unnie back, higher ups cause extra concern. They are unbelievable, I could just cry-laugh right now._

**"We could not perform then. It probably made you upset. Finally, we have today." **Momo does not feel so good. Her nerves rock her core. _We've already upset you. And we're making up for it. But the company is... Shit! S-sorry, my tummy. Excuse myself._

**"Last year, I gave you my word and it has come true. I would like to make another word today." **Nayeon in a tone contrasting her MGMA speech. _I honor my word. I speak only of truth. Believe me! Not on something written overnight._

**"We still lack a lot. We will try our best to be better. So, you guys cannot leave us." **Tzuyu never had to beg. But she willingly does so cause she's afraid Once wouldn't believe in them anymore. _Please don't leave us over a lie!_

Twice serenades with the last song of the night, Stuck. Jihyo plays with the fog spreading all over the stage. She then looks at Sana beside her as if pulling her in. Unfortunately, Sana wouldn't bother.

_"Nugul bwado meo geunyang geurraesseonnuende. _  
_Neun mweonga jom dolla_  
_Nae modeun geol da meomchweobeorige hae neon~"_

_[Whoever I saw, I didn't feel much_  
_But you're different_  
_You make all of me stop]_

The end is near. One by one, the girls go up the prism. Jihyo reaches first. Sana is behind her. The last three Nayeon, Jeongyeon, and Chaeyoung sit beside each other instead of standing.

The rest of the girls take interest and start ditching their spots to join NaJeongChaeng. Jihyo eagerly closes the gap with her favorite person. She has made it! She's in between Sana and Dahyun with Sana being seated last.

"I love you everyone", Jeongyeon yells while the girls wrap their arms to the ones next to them. Nayeon and Momo are playfully miming as if Mina's there. Jihyo seizes the moment making her sway in so much joy.

The curtain has closed. _You're not going anywhere. You're mine now._

Jihyo with an arm already around Sana, throws in the other enclosing her in embrace. Sana cannot avoid Jihyo any longer. Ultimately, she gives in.

"This is nice. It doesn't feel like we're hiding", Sana delights on the applause heard across them.

"Then stay." Jihyo squeezes in more tightly. Eyes shut, cheeks rubbing. They stay like this for a while. "I hate that I have to wait for the curtains before I could do this", she sighs.

The girls interrupt them by a group hug. "Yaaah~ We're squished. Do it more", Sana cutely whines making everyone giggle as they pull away.

"Everyone did well! I'd say tonight is mission accomplished." Chaeyoung declares. "We've opened up to global Once. The next one is tricky. We may have to try for as long as we could and in many ways."

"What are we facing?" Jihyo anticipates.

"Home."


	6. Grace for The Forsaken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1\. Twice TV Soribada  
2\. Soribada Awards 2019  
3\. Vlive  
4\. Twice at Gimpo Arrival  
5\. Twicetagram

Home. It should be a place of safety, of care, of protection. Five had been born here but it is home even for the foreign line. Left family and friends, trained for years to live the dream as Twice, they owe stardom to it after all.

Spot the irony.

Safety? Idols walk on eggshells having to follow ridiculous standards and expectations. Care? They are overworked raking countless dollars and wons on the company's whim. Protection? When push comes to shove, they become pawns.

_Ten years of preparation only to be dragged like this. Almost four years of establishing genuine image only to have it twisted in an instant. Eight others are affected. It would be easier if it was only me. I'd just cry internally swallowing my _ _pride._

"Aaa~ You need to eat." Sana snaps Jihyo out of thought by offering a spoonful. Jihyo, who's just poking her food, takes it in. Sana brings another but Jihyo grunts, "mwoyah~".

"Let me feed you. Here, just one more."

Jihyo takes this too as Sana cautions, "Cause I won't be near you later." _Dear Home, why have you forsaken me?_

"Sana unnie still at it?" Chaeyoung to Momo. She nods as she gnaws on her lunch. "Oh wait, might get nervous again", Momo slows down.

Nayeon sighs, "We're already at JYPBob yet we're still feeling anxious."

"Right? But this is better than being awkward in front of Twice TV unnies", Jeongyeon shares.

"Yah~ We'll walk on the Blue Carpet and receive award later on. What's with the long faces?" Chaeyoung is baffled.

"It loses meaning without Once", Sana in low tone looking gloomy.

"I hope many Onces would be there." Jihyo is desperately looking for a sign, "To know if they got our message. Or at least, still believe in us."

"Many will be there." Chaeyoung assures.

"Ooh~ Where are you getting this vibe", Jeongyeon adoring Chaeng's confidence. "Things coming to fruition?"

Chaeyoung shrugs with a smile.

She owned it. Twice has graced upon Soribada Awards with thousands of Onces lighting Candy Bongs warmly welcoming them. It's as if they are in their own concert. The dark cloud that seemed hovering Sana has passed. That's when they know the plan is progressing.

To keep the ball rolling, Chaeng advances her fanservice 10X. Onces' world. It's her answer when asked about the kind of award they'd like to receive.

"So, it's really working!" Jeong snuggles with Chaeng in the waiting room before the show proper. "Our efforts are not in vain."

"We're just getting started. With my GQ shoot, all hell would break loose."

"By the way, how was it?"

"You'll find it out soon, hyung! September is coming. But there's one more thing", Chaeng asks Jeong a favor.

Fierce baby tiger Chaeng on fire that evening. She entusiastically emphasized a special comeback during acceptance speech beating spoiler Nayeon to it. And on the final bow, Chaeng along with Jihyo dedicated the centerstage holding their hands out for Mina.

On the way to the dorm, the girls are excited to share to Once more personally. School Meal Club in the first van goes Live.

Meanwhile, the rest are still finishing up. Momo feeling great and grateful propses, "Who wanna go Live with me?" Nayeon hopping up and down yells, "Meeee!"

_I've yet to hold my head up and smile in airports nor even post on Instagram. Join Vlive? _"Thanks, but I'll pass." Jihyo busies herself packing.

Jeongyeon lends a hand, "Sana-yah go with them." Sana who's helping Jihyo with her stubborn earrings obliges. NaMoSa in the second van together go Live simultaneously overlapping with School Meal Club.

Boarding the last van, Jeong commences Chaeng's favor. She shoots Jihyo a look.

"Yeah, I know. I have a few more days 'til September. Ready or not, I will show up." Jihyo senses what Jeong has to say on her habit of going AWOL whenever she gets involve in an issue.

"How about spending one or two of those in our place? You need something other than meditation. Bomb misses you too." Jeong with an offer Jihyo can't refuse knowing that she likes cats.

"So, when will this be? We have time after fanmeetings, right?"

"Right. I'll text Seungyeon unnie too." Jihyo lights up when Jeong mentions her sister. She knows Sana will go too.

Nice place, good food, warm family, and wisdom of an older sibling. Ever since the issue, Jihyo has felt forsaken. But to see Sana safe, protected, and cared for in such a kind home is her contentment. A saving grace. That's exactly the healing she needs before her one-month escape is up.

Jihyo looks forward to this. Her anticipation grows as days pass and peaks at Osaka Hi-touch. There must be something in there that lends her strength. It maybe daunting to lead the group anywhere else. So, having her partner Sana takes over when in Japan is refreshing.

Arriving at Gimpo Airport, Jihyo holds her head high for the first time in a while. She's at the forefront while Sana marches behind her quickly reaching the van. Jeongyeon finding her way through the crowd comes a bit later. Nonetheless, Jihyo finally gets her much awaited retreat.

Sana fully occupies the sofa with her head resting on Seungyeon. Jihyo is lounging on the floor. Across her is Jeongyeon who's lying on throw pillows, legs hanging on the sofa, and feet against Sana's. The living room of Yoo residence gets filled with laughter over food and liquor.

"Oops~ We ran out. Jihyo care to help me mix drinks?" Seungyeon gently lifts Sana's head and excuses herself.

"Love to!" Jihyo follows.

When the two has gone to the kitchen, Jeongyeon kicks Sana. "Yah, stop whatever you're doing."

"You're the one kicking me. YOU stop."

"Idiot, stop distancing from Jihyo!" Jeong sighs, "You're hurting yourself AND her. Nothing good comes out of it."

Sana is hushed. "This is my way of protecting her. The world now knows differently and I have to respect how it sees her."

"Really? Like how she's seen as..." Jeongyeon couldn't bring herself to speak of the slander making her sit up. "But that's not her. Protect her by being with her like you used to!"

"WE would cause a scene. Jihyo and a man makes more sense than me. She thinks so too! It would be best to keep us secret." Sana recalls the confrontation with Jihyo.

"Sana-yah?" Jeong tries to keep the conversation but Sana walks out. "Sana-yah!"

Jihyo and Seungyeon are just about to return when Sana bumps into them. "Oh! Sana, Jihyo mixed this. A new taste. You're gonna like it!" Seungyeon says.

"Unnie mianda, I've been up for hours now." Sana making sleepy gesture.

"Aww alright, bed is made. Rest well."

Sana proceeds to Seungyeon's room. Eyes making contact with Jihyo at first but breaks as she passes. Jihyo turns but Sana doesn't look back.

With her deadline almost over, Jihyo is in deep thought as she later learns the reason behind Sana's gaze.

_"It's sad to see you guys in that state. So, I told her off. Then, she said something like 'it's best keeping it secret'. Best? How?!"_

She's also contemplating on Seungyeon's insight, _"Somaek is the usual mix but there are many others. Like yours. And it's valid. As long as it makes you happy. Cheers!"_

_Am I happy? Is it really not the best? _Jihyo snaps herself out and rushed to the dorm.

Jeongyeon, on the other hand, disappointedly sends a text. "Chaeng, Seungyeon-ie and I tried. Sorry."

"No, thank you so much hyung! Seems it was a pleasant visit. Sana unnie posted that she ate well. And now, Jihyo unnie just returned to Insta!" Chaeng replies.

Jeong then receives a text from Jihyo. "Unnie, let's send a support food truck for Seungyeon unnie! Thank you for the last time." She basks in a victorious laugh completing Chaeng's favor.

_[A selca and a group photo are uploaded. The group photo consist of Nayeon and Chaeyoung making kissy faces on the opposite ends. _

_Then in the middle, there's Sana and Jihyo squishing cheeks together. Along with a halfmoon and a butterfly emoji, Jihyo has put a caption that says_ _**good night**__.]_

It's not certain who looks at who first. But under the sheets, Sana and Jihyo are smiling back at each other.

While deep into Jihyo's eyes, Sana reflects on Seungyeon's wisdom back in the retreat night. They talked when the unnie caught her tossing and turning.

_"She feels abandoned, Sana. She's pawned. She's disregarded. Do not abandon her like they did. _

_Like he did. She needs you girls more than ever. Besides, why distance away from something beautiful?"_

"Yeppeunde", Sana tells Jihyo. Unhurriedly, she goes in for a kiss. Tilts her head to the other side and goes again.

Her pointed nose bumps on the other's cheek. They giggle. Sana is ready to plant another. Jihyo awaits with mouth open.

"Good night."


	7. Plan comes Full Circle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1\. Shibuya Note FES 2019  
2\. Vlive  
3\. Twicetagram  
4\. ISAC Chuseok 2019  
5\. Chaeyoung on GQ Sept

_Those soft lips, the sweet taste, warm breath. I miss them already. When will you give it next? Ah, never mind. Your lips rolling in your mother tongue looks cute and sounds just as sweet. Whatever it is you're saying._

Jihyo enjoys these moments in the Japanese promotions. The moments when she could be beside Sana and just marvel at her. She can't help but fidget while Sana is conversing with the Shibuya Note hosts.

"Hmm?" Sana catches her.

Jihyo lightly shakes her head, "Sugoi desu ne." Sana smirks.

Jeongyeon is on the other side of Sana while Chaeyoung is behind Jihyo. They are satisfied witnessing the power of those two as partners together again on-screen.

This NoJam mission was critical. Because Sana and Jihyo give each other strength that makes the team brighter.

_"Those two complements each other really well~ Look at what they've done to them. To all of us." _These were Chaeng's words when she was about to ask Jeong the favor.

_"Everyone makes mistakes._ _Even the company."_

_"But we're the one paying for their mistakes. Tsk." _Chaeng had seen not only herself raise her fanservice.

EVERYONE has been quadrupling down their efforts. It's supposed to be only for the lack of Mina in the upcoming special promotions. But since the issue, it has to be done for the crippled image of Jihyo too.

Hence, Chaeng's favor. _"We have to show them off, hyung. They should be in plain sight."_

Jeongyeon gasped, _"We about to make mistakes too huh."_

After the telecast, Twice is arranged to head back to Korea despite incoming inclement weather. Sana starts a vertical Live while waiting. Moments later, a bunch of laughs can be heard in the background.

"Sounds more fun in there. Do I turn this off now?" Sana is thinking out loud.

Turns out Momo also started a Live but horizontally. Most of the members are making their appearances in there including Jihyo.

Sana eventually ends her Live and joins the others. She sits at a corner with her back facing the camera.

"Sana looks upset", Jihyo reads a comment. She abruptly pats Sana's waist to check on her. "Why are you upset?"

Sana denies, "Who said that?"

Momo explains the probable root cause, "I really didn't know you were on Live."

Nayeon adds that it was an honest mistake. Sana, Jihyo, and Nayeon settle the little misunderstanding out of frame.

"Momo and Nayeon-ie owes her one", Jeongyeon mutters while packing stuff across the chaos happening that is the Live.

"Nice!" Chaeyoung rubs her hands knowingly.

Jeong tilts her head wondering. "Really can't grasp your mind. Them in plain sight, now this? I think we're really making a mistake but I'm going with you in everything."

"We are rebelling, hyung. Remember? You'd figure it out in the GQ mag. Have you gotten a copy?"

"Yup! I'll read it well on Chuseok."

Twice arrives safely in Korea. The first MV teaser has also dropped making the world anticipate for the next days.

The girls, on the other hand, are rigorously preparing for the comeback showcase and the following promotions.

The only pocket of air they have in this harsh wave of schedule is the Chuseok Festival.

When the foreigners are going back to their hometowns, Nayeon notices a trending discussion on Jihyo's peaches selca that was posted 2 days ago.

"Eww?" She reads the article made out of the netizens' assumption that Jihyo was sending lovestagram to Kang Daniel.

Nayeon has glint on her eyes while typing something on her iPhone, "Ah what do we expect? The world really knows differently."

She sighs.

"No, you're just BABO. Momo is peach. And I'm also peach!" Nayeon then posted selcas of her and Momo with peach filter similar to Jihyo's post. "Sana-yah, please accept our apology."

Nayeon inhales then exhales, "Now this is holiday." She kicks her feet up.

Chuseok is one of the only few times a year when the girls could actually spend time with their families. While they eat good food, they also watch the Idol Star Athletics Championship.

Dahyun sees herself on tv doing almost 14 hours worth of MC duties. She reminisces the recording day, the day Chaeng's plan commenced.

"Onceu, do you hear us now? Can you finally understand what we're saying?"

Back then, only the School Meal Club attended the ISAC. They competed in archery as usual. Although they were eliminated in the first round, they sure left an impression.

"We are used as a divertion. Making people forget what the real problems are."

In all black leather armor suit and hairs kempt in ponytails, Dahyun, Chaeyoung, and Tzuyu donned The Hunger Games Mockingjay outfits.

"And just like Katniss, we're fighting back."

"The company is an impossible adversary. Even so, with just our voices, just ourselves—this is our rebellion.

Jihyo unnie~ She is who she is. Not what they make her out to be. Hear our sincerity, Onceu. Listen to us."

While also watching ISAC at home, Jeongyeon opens up her copy of the GQ magazine.

"It got censored but Onces must have picked up on her tattoos by now and followed Chaeng leading them here?"

She turns to the pages of Chaeng's interview. Sooner, she chuckles when Mina was mentioned, "Do these two realize they also complement each other like how Sana and Jihyo are partners?"

As she continues reading, a part of the interview hit her hard. "Chaeyoung ssi, the question is so simple. You didn't have to~ Why so serious? WHY?!" With eyes sweating profusely, Jeongyeon fans her face.

Question: Is your job fun?

_"It would have been way more difficult had I been alone. Since there are 8 others beside me, I find strength. That's especially true this year._

_We really love each other. Because more than any other friends, _ ** _we're the only ones who understand each other_ ** _."_

For a question so simple, Chaeyoung indeed has given a serious answer. This grand scheme is designed without expectations. Not even to be understood. Because she knows the world is incapable of that.

"Now I get it Chaeyoung-ah", Jeong wipes off her tears. "Let's keep expressing our true selves then."

Chaeyoung, on the other hand, is chilling with her family where the sea could be heard. She has just finished a sketch. "I haven't seen that around. What is that?" Her dongsaeng asks.

"Angel fish." She puts it up and takes a better look. "If any would bother ask why, I would say because it's pretty."

_And even if I don't say anything, as long as it comes from me then, it's the truth. My truth. _

She drops it back down, "Keep expressing yours Jihyo unnie."


	8. Master of the Leash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1\. Idol Room  
2\. Fanmeet shared fact/ Chaeyoung on GQ Digital

As soon as the Holiday break is over, the girls have recorded an Idol Room guesting. Jihyo raked in As, won most of the games, and got selected as the 17th member of Idol999. Although these are fun memories, some can't help feeling that something is off.

"Did you guys go easy on me?" Jihyo asks them while getting ready to go back to the dorm.

"Unnie, I'd rather lose so I could eat bread." Tzuyu replies.

"Maj-ja! I won over you in the bug segment though. Clearly did my best. What are you talking about?" Momo wonders.

Nayeon senses it, "Is this about the nitpicking game?"

"Even as a joke, you guys didn't-"

Jihyo smiles faintly, "use it against me. Thanks everyone."

"Like what Donnie and Connie sunbaes said... Can't say anything when there's nothing to nitpick about." Dahyun shares.

"Well, we had childish disses." Jeongyeon chuckles.

"What's done to you is infuriating. It's been giving you more stress. That's not to be joked about." Sana goes to Jihyo and fixes her fringes.

"Geez, just how many years have you felt you've aged because of it?"

Lately, Jihyo lets her bangs down. If only she could hide from embarassment brought about the issue, she would. Unfortunately, she can't.

With their 8th mini album launching in a few days, she has to attempt to face everyone with her head held high. Having bangs is the most she could do.

"Actually, Nayeon-ie somehow utilized your situation." Chaeyoung points it out.

"And through that, your truth is revealed. 'Recently feeling old hence, the bangs'... That's a good one, Nayeon-ie!"

"Is it okay to do that?" Jihyo hesitates yet again.

"It's exactly what should be done Jihyo unnie", Chaeng states.

"If not for the unnies' puberty fit, I'd think that game intends to fish for info. I get the feeling that it won't stop here.

With the amount of promotions for this comeback, there's high chance YOU WILL BE questioned about it.

People want truth? Let's give them that. Just not directly though, like what Nayeon-ie did. "

_Not directly. Yeah, because we don't have the power nor freedom to talk. We are bound by instructions. But until where?_

Jihyo is uneasy, "I'm sorry. I think I should ask the higher ups."

"If they tell you to play dead, would you just keep being an idiot and follow them?" Jeongyeon shakes her head and mocks her. "Your job is not to jump hoops for them, you know."

They are treated as machines one moment and as dolls on the next. It's ironic to pose for an issue that would detriment the main task of making money. It has become herculean now that Mina couldn't join the promotions.

In addition, covering Sana and Jihyo is unnecessary as the pair would just seem as fanservice. In which, it would actually benefit the team more than getting linked at this point. For her, confronting such dissonant company is pointless.

"Unless..." Jeong suddenly realizes something.

"We're a puppy and JYPE is just an older dog we're sharing a leash with. The master-", she strokes her chin.

_Who is the master?_

Jeongyeon together with Nayeon accompanies Jihyo to the meeting. Meanwhile at the dorm, some of the girls are having brunch to boost a day packed of schedule.

Time constrained, they are still dazed from all the overtimes. With limited public exposure due to on-going treatment and being a morning person that she is, Mina is the only one looking put together.

Not for long, a whimper can be heard from one of the rooms. Dahyun turns to the direction of the sound. Instantaneously, Tzuyu shoots up from her seat along with the J-line.

She says apprehensively, "Chaengie?"

Seeing Mina and Sana have already dashed towards Chaeyoung, Momo pats Tzuyu on the shoulder. She nods at her bringing Tzuyu back to seat. Tzuyu utters, "Nightmares again~ And it's getting worse."

"Chaeng Chaeng, I'm here~"

Mina picks Chaeng up into a tight embrace, "We're all here now. Not going anywhere" while Sana strokes Chaeng's hair and holds her hand.

3-mix arrives at the dorm. Nayeon catches an already calmed down but still rugged Chaeyoung at the dining. Knowing that look of Chaeng, Nayeon lets out a sigh and kisses the top of Chaeng's head as she passes by her.

"Oh, how's the meeting unnies?" Chaeng follows her along with the rest of the girls. Looking defeated, Jeongyeon and Jihyo drag their feet as they enter.

Mina feels the weight. With the amount of time Mina can make sense of everything, she trails on Jihyo to confront her of what she came up with.

"Jihyo, I've been doing great since~"

"Ah, geurae?" Jihyo puts up a bright smile at Mina as they settle down on the sofa.

"So, you can stop now."

The smile slowly fades. Jihyo stops everything she's doing.

Mina continues, "Tell them to stop using your 'relationship' to divert attention away from my struggles. I appreciate your sacrifices but, I'm okay now."

"I'd pose for dating issues a thousand times more if it's for anyone of you. And just stop once I've made sure you're okay as what you've told me right now." Jihyo tells her, "If only it's that simple."

Mina is confused. "The timing of the issue. The disproportionate agreement in favor of the guy. And JYPE letting it. If it's not for me then, who? I don't think it's to cover you and Sana. They don't have to."

"Both of the companies' hands are tied, Mina." Nayeon massages her forehead as she joins them.

"And with Daniel being a new solo artist versus us 9 with four years under our belt, they figured giving him most of the favor."

"Tied? By whom?" Momo asks.

"There's a master tying the companies in a leash." Jeongyeon then reveals, "The directives came straight from the Blue House."

"Jeongyeon-ie~ That means the Korean government made a grave mistake that they had to-", Mina couldn't believe it.

"We've been furious of the company and of Daniel. But, doesn't that make them victims too?" Jihyo shares, "Now I don't know what to feel."

"He couldn't say it beforehand, as stated on his letter. So, it must've really been due to Blue House. But does he really have to disregard you? Didn't even ask fans to respect the 'relationship'. It was all about him." Sana contends with Jihyo.

"He was probably so scared to lose fans that he forgot to be considerate of Jihyo unnie. Afterall, you have to save yourself first. Especially when someone is really not your girlfriend." Tzuyu makes a point.

"When you think about it, isn't it better to not mention me? He had given the world a crucial hint that we're really not dating."

Sana bits Jihyo's arm. "AissSHH!!"

"Remember that the world knows differently? And the slander that goes with it? You have to bear all the lies!" Sana grits her teeth as she says this.

Mina sighs, "Until when will Jihyo be tied with him?"

"They said it would take a while", Nayeon answers. "The politics behind this is probably way more scandalous than what Jennie chingu had to cover."

Mina looks at Chaeyoung. She further asks them, "Is the rebellion in vain?"

"Aniya. The bigger the adversary, the more we have to fight back. They did it to Jihyo unnie. They could do it again. I'd like to remain as myself and not how Dispatch would write me. Right, Chaengie?" Dahyun asserts.

Jeongyeon is carefully considering Chaeyoung's well-being, "I would respect whatever is Chaeng's decision."

_I'm probably haunted by these nightmares cause we're being used like this. _Chaeyoung closes her eyes, "My wish is for everyone to have peace. However, it would require all of you to commit."

Her eyes reopen and find Jihyo. Chaeng is waiting for an answer but Jihyo can't seem to give her any. She's being her indecisive self again.

"I would carry her!" Nayeon raises her hand as she swears on behalf of Jihyo.

"Nado!" The rest of the girls offer up one by one.

"Nine or none." Chaeng smiles, "Proceed as planned."


	9. Agents of Chaos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1\. Korean Cryptocurrency  
2\. FEEL SPECIAL Launch  
3\. Vlive  
4\. Twicetagram

_ “Just focus on work.”  _

_ “We’ve already instructed the staff to block questions on that.” _ Sajangnim told Jihyo.

_ “If I may ask sir, until when…” _ Nayeon hoped for it to end. She had seen this endeavor bring chronic nightmares and other symptoms of stress to the team.

Sajang removed his glasses, _“For a while. Maybe, indefinitely.”_

_ “Indefinitely?” _ 3-mix faced among themselves. Nayeon pegged the issue from Jennie’s that lasted for a month. So, she assumed Jihyo’s to last until Mina returns in which, treatments usually go for 6 months. The girls completely understand this. But for the dating issue to be valid longer than that was beyond them.

_ “I-is this some kind of a matchmaking thing?” _ Nayeon mumbled awkwardly.

The boss got up his chair and looked far out the window. _“Other than diverting attention away from Mina, this issue has covered many things. Things that are ambiguous and unimaginable”_, he then faced the girls. 

_ “For one, Jihyo… until when will you fancy her?”  _

Jihyo couldn’t look straight. She was also speechless. Jeongyeon coughed as she butted in, _“Sajangnim~ Sorry but when you think about it, they can be excused as fanservice. Why is there a need?”_

_ “Because there are even more unimaginable things out there!” _ He slumped back to his seat. _“It’s the Blue House. We can’t say no to those whose mistakes could probably cost war.”_

Started blurting out with exasperation, _“They needed something big pronto. Granted that among you, Jihyo ssi as the leader will take one for the team. On our end, we were planning the setup then.”_

_ “But Dispatch already have something.” _ He covered his face.

_ “It wasn’t in my plan, Sajangnim. You know I even wished to extend the ban. But I didn’t realize it either. That I have depended so much to the point of liking her.” _ Jihyo spoke up with eyes on the floor.

He sighed _“With all due respect Jihyo ssi, you do realize how more shameful this could be. Thus, instead of releasing your story as it is, we begged to switch it up with an agreeable guy. That’s the most we could do.”_

_ “Pardon sir. Your guy posted a personal note without acknowledging the ‘relationship’ in any way nor even ask for RESPECT.”  _ Nayeon voiced out.

_ “Mworago?” _

_ “Shame, leaving Jihyo to bear all these. Good thing, she has 8 others with her.”  _ Nayeon with an intense look took a step and grasped Jihyo and Jeongyeon on either of her hands. 

_ “Focus on work, you say Sajangnim? Goes both ways. Time to protect us from thousands more of DISRESPECTFUL comments than what we’ve already been receiving.”  _

_ When Sana was hurt, Nayeon-ie stuck to her. While Mina recovers, she calls her. Now, it’s me who’s burdened. I’m crippled and wavering. Yet again, here’s our unnie willing to carry me like this.  _

_ “One more thing, Sajangnim… Isn’t it unfair for Jihyo that she couldn’t write notes like that? Make it right, sir. By bringing us more opportunities to message our Once.”  _ Nayeon asserted.

With eyes closed, Jihyo concentrates on her breathing. Carefully, she tries to tilt and turn her head side to side. These are futile as she grunts with every move. Her hand clasps her nape. All the stress has built up into a stiff neck.

A warm set of hands makes its way to Jihyo’s shoulders. “Even if you’re in meds, don’t overdo it.” Sana pecks her partner’s neck and gently massages it.

“I’d rather perform. Especially since, this is the first. Besides, I don’t know what else to do, Sana-yah.” There’s a lot going through Jihyo’s mind right now. Most importantly, today is the showcase for the Feel Special album. 

Before Twice meets Once more closely in the Vlive showcase, the girls had to keep cool in front of the prying media in the press conference. As expected, someone didn’t miss the chance to raise the question. 

_ “This is your first comeback since officially announced being in a relationship. Is Kang Daniel a good inspiration for writing songs?”  _ Fortunately, the company fulfills its end of the bargain. The staff had cut this off effectively, as instructed. 

In that moment, Jihyo need not to speak. However, in the showcase where she needs to as she’s the MC, Jihyo is often tongue-tied.

“Since I started it, I’ll talk first. _Uhm~” I’ve always shared myself enthusiastically. But with the issue in mind, what do I say? Expressing my truth, is it really okay?_

“It’s okay, Jihyo.” Jeongyeon reassures her.

“Yeah, what did you do?” Nayeon keeps her on track.

“Jihyo unnie is frozen... Lately.” Chaeyoung and Jeongyeon finish the sentence revealing one of Jihyo’s truths. They are breaking her hesitation.

Slowly, Jihyo starts to open up “Ah yes, I’m hurting.” Nayeon’s hand slinks on her neck.

This is the proper ground in discussing song inspirations to the intended audience, Once. If their lips are sealed in the press con, here in the showcase they spill it. 

“If you have a beloved, you can tell white lies. Say if asked whether I’m okay, I’d say I’m fine. Cause if I say I’m hurt, that person will be sad. So~”, a smirking Dahyun sends a knowing look to the crowd before continuing.

“It can be a message to Once.”

Jeongyeon suddenly gets into character, “Are you okay?”

“I’m really hurting”, Jihyo then laughs out.

“She doesn’t care about me.” Jeongyeon shakes head while grinning. Momo points at Jihyo who’s getting braver as they proceed.

Should the nosy reporter still be around, his intrusive question would be answered next. It’s Jihyo’s turn to discuss the lyrics she contributed to the song, Get Loud.

“Well…” Jihyo starts off. But she pauses as she chuckles whenever Nayeon faces her looking amused.

“The agency gave it. I’ve never written lyrics for such a powerful song. I didn’t know what to do. At first, it gave me some anger. I pretended to be angry and tried writing.” Jihyo is going in circles. The others crack up hearing these.

Nayeon isn’t satisfied. With her arm out, she nudges Jihyo for the truth and nothing but the truth. “Let me be clear. Did you write it when you were angry?” 

Jihyo pauses yet again. Then she reveals, “Yes.”

Nayeon leans back in surprise as she succeeds pulling a barb of burden out of Jihyo. “Alright. Everyone has their own interpretation.” She finally calms down and let the lyricist expound.

“Looking around, many people talk without consideration. It’s infuriating. So, I want to express such anger through the song.”

The showcase approaches its end. Twice sends Once their ending messages after the breathtaking performance of their title track, Feel Special. 

The song itself is challenging with a choreography so tough, they have felt worried. Despite that, the girls are happy expressing such a personally meaningful song.

“It’s a bit sad that there aren’t 9 of us here. But we always think that Mina unnie is with us. We get up on stage thinking that she’s with us”, Dahyun shares.

“Whenever we release an album, we look forward to rankings and other people’s reactions. But this song is for us and Once. We want it to encourage us. Even those who are not necessarily our fans could find strength and feel peace.” Jihyo expresses.

Dahyun adds, “The more I think about the lyrics, the more it seems written for Once. _I smile again because of you…_”

“The song is about what we want to say to Once and our members.” Jihyo completes the thought.

Nayeon ends with, “We want to create memories with this song. Let’s keep it for a long time.”

_ This marks the official start of our promotions. Jihyo-yah, it may feel like there’s still long way to go as what's given to you is heavy. But like what I’ve sworn to Chaeyoung together with the rest of the girls, we will carry you… If this is what it takes to have peace.  _

“You did well. Seems you’ve figured out what to do”, Sana tells Jihyo.

Dahyun sneaks in between them. “Uhm unnies, let’s commemorate this moment first.” 

Congratulatory cake set on the side.  A photo is captured.


	10. Blessings Served

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1\. Music Shows 1st week  
2\. Twicetagram  
3\. Fan meetings 1st week  
4\. Dispatch  
5\. Amazing Saturday

Little spoon has her back leaning with her head resting unto her partner. Body to body in a tub half full of heat, her partner presses on her tensions. She clutches to the thighs surrounding her. Sooner, she wades up her hand in attempt to yank the other’s wrist as she moans.

“Shh…” Sana softly embeds this sound and tucks Jihyo’s hair to her ear.

Jihyo only had two days to get physically and mentally better. With music shows demanding runs after runs in order to get perfect shots in every angle, ending poses along pretty-looking expressions become tougher to sustain. 

_ “Jihyo, gwaenchana?”  _

Once sent message across Twice who had been rehearsing on stage. She in turn poked through a prop of string curtain and rapidly swung her head, _“I’m fine.”_

Huffing with dimmed iris as if being sucked into oblivion, her words to the beloved Once seemed to be white. She barely survived M Countdown. 

On Music Bank, just the day after, symptoms have persisted. She was seen rubbing her neck. Add to that the strain of Hero Concert in the evening. 

Meds may be relieving. But hot baths and massages are uplifting. Especially when done with someone you’ve depended on for years. “Maybe Momo is right. I’m the member who needs to be taken care of the most”, Jihyo tells Sana as they soak a bit longer.

Sana in bouncy tone lightens her up, “Maybe~ Just maybe, it’s both of your puberty fits speaking.” They laugh. 

“After all the bad things, there are still many things to be thankful for. Nayeon-ie, for example. A vain unnie but also a mindful unnie. To think we could lose you had she took longer. And you just laughed when you shared this story on air?! Weren’t you scared?” 

Jihyo looks to her. She’s reminded of the horror upon hearing Sana got dizzy and nearly drowned in a similar tub back then. Thankfully, Nayeon broke in and pulled her out in time.

Of course, Sana was. She blinks repetitively and turns away, “Loved ones also deserve truth. But tell them happily to make it less sad.” 

Looks back with a smirk while hands slip on Jihyo’s stomach, “Anyway it became a blessing in disguise. I can’t be alone in here anymore. Another thing to be thankful for.”

_ Blessing. What could be the blessing from the issue? _

Knock knocks interrupt the two. It’s from a worried Nayeon, “Sana-yah! You know you can’t be in there for long. Jihyo-yah! Do you need help? Can you carry her?”

“Get out already. Mina has something to say”, Momo adds more knocks.

NaMo receives silence thus worries further. Nayeon heeds last warning. “If nobody answers, I’m gonna break this! In one…”

A jumpy Jihyo in damp robe busts out the door.

“Yah! Wait up”, clumsy Sana is still towel drying Jihyo’s hair as she follows.

Mina is seated with knees bent towards her. She’s journaling when the two rush in looking like seaweed soup. Shooked, Mina’s lips arches on the funny mess before her. 

“They brought us here. We came as quick”, Sana and Jihyo are panting.

“Ah, I was just thinking…”

“Yes?”

“I did well on shoots and recordings. Maybe~ I could try going live again.”

“Are you missing Once?” Sana asks. Mina nods with a faint smile. Sana and Jihyo are about to hug Mina when Nayeon and Momo swoosh in. Unnies not gonna let Mina risk a cold.

_ ‘Maybe’? She’s not rushing, is she? _ Jihyo reconsiders, “Let’s check the evaluation first. We’ll prepare accordingly when we’re good to go.”

In the morning, Jihyo gets up refreshed and calm. She checks her phone less fearful of updates. Well, except with the recent Twicetagram post. She’s flustered with what she saw.

_ [The photos are of yesterday’s backstage happenings. The first shot involves Sana styling Jihyo. All while Jihyo writes notes. It’s candid. Both are facing each other’s direction.  _

_ On the remaining shots, Jihyo cutely posed for the camera. These were captioned, “I’m going with this hair tomorrow.”] _

_ “Come here, I wanna do you.” _ Sana hithered Jihyo to her spot. There is absolute trust, regardless of what that meant. They’re in a relationship where they could touch each other’s stomach anyway. The leader nonchalantly obliged.

Jihyo is beautiful. But Sana knows her partner’s best form. The look of Openness, that’s what Jihyo wears well. Sana rid of the bangs unveiling Jihyo’s brightest, _“Wah~ Yeppeunde.”_

The compliment made Jihyo generous of her charm. She had forgotten about her effort to hide that she even blessed an iPhone before her. All’s well until she didn’t post them herself.

_ I take time deciding what to share. These may just be pictures. But a picture means thousands of words. She posted three. _

“YOO JEONGYEON!!”

NoJam hyung is found to be the culprit. But since she took extremely cute pictures, she gets away with it. So, although it’s not the exact same hairdo, Jihyo at the least lets her bangs be parted on the side for the day’s schedule.

Chaeyoung high fives Jeongyeon for pulling such prank. Killed two birds with a stone. It blends well with her favor of showing the partners off in plain sight while staying true to purpose—which is, Expression.

“I took it to heart, what you said in the GQ”, Jeong is vocal of her admiration. “Not everyone may understand. But those with us for a long time and those who’ve only looked our way definitely will.”

Jeongyeon finds Jihyo from afar borrowing a fansite’s camera to take pictures of Sana. “It’s probably why they didn’t leave”, she says.

“They’ve seen a lot. Enough to tell nuances of her. The rest of the world may be celebrating Jihyo with someone else. But her smiles tell otherwise.”

“Truth is found among us. Because the one who knows us best is also us.” Chaeng mocks, “Funny how the world looks at somewhere else. I guess ambiguous photos with caption _‘confirmed dating’_ is cuter than us.”

“What if…” Jeongyeon again realizes something. “What if we MAKE the world look at us?”

“I’ve thought of it before that we could only try- “

“…_’try for as long and in many ways’_. Yes, you’ve told us in Kuala Lumpur.” Jeong’s eyes up and palms open as if waiting for Chaeng to get it.

Chaeyoung then gasps. Eyes lighten with mouth open. She snaps as she finally gets it, “Let’s grab the world by the throat.” 

“And make the best mistakes ever.” 

“Just~ Not that kind please.” Jeong has a glimpse of Jihyo examining a fan-given doll. She spread the poor thing checking its intimates. Sana spanks Jihyo’s arm in surprise and laughs it out.

“Oh.

Indeed, not the best. But authenticity is lit. We’ll just do more of the better ones, perhaps? Unnie did okay in Amazing Saturday though.” Chaeng checks the time, “Which will air in a few.”

The last event for the day ended with happy memories. Sana films the crowd while sending them off. Jihyo playfully dashes on and off the frame waving.

For Jeongyeon, however, the fun hasn’t ceased. She streams the said variety show that Nayeon, Jihyo, and Chaeyoung guested on. 

“YOU. WROTE. THAT?”

The mechanics of the show ask participants to listen and write out lyrics based on a song’s audio cut. The given line then was BTS Rap Mon’s part in Fire. What Jihyo wrote renders Jeongyeon out of breath from hilariousness.

She can’t handle, _“I JUST SEE SANA.”_

Jihyo in welp face utters, “I’m doing a horrible job as a trophy girlfriend.”

“Nah, he did it first. Disregarding you is still the worst that he should be indebted.” Nayeon suggests, “It’s only fair to collect what is due. So, feel free to like Sana.”

Sana uwuing on Jihyo with puppy shiba eyes, “I’m honored.”

Any task thrown to the leader is dealt with excellently. That is if she understands it perfectly. Jihyo seeks guidance, “Isn’t this still a task that I should try acting as if?”

Confusion. Hesitation. Indecision.

Unnies huddle up to their maknae. They have perceived that Jihyo’s stress comes from her affinity to fulfill given tasks. The problem is, it clashes with her truth that it shows when least expected.

“This is not just your task. Daniel is supposed to be on it, too. He had long bailed out. You can let go now.” Nayeon advises her, “Go back to being you, Jihyo-yah.”

“Being me.”

“Being us, rather… And more!” Still sensing some hesitation, Jeongyeon reinforces. “Since it’s already given, might as well let the issue serve its purpose.”

She turns to Nayeon. Suddenly she grabs unto unnie’s cheeks, puckers with her teeth, and pulled her. Nayeon whines and flails leaving the partners wheezing in awe.

_ The freedom to like. The power to be me. And a bond stronger than ever. Good things despite the bad. Thank you for these blessings. _


	11. Era of Bizarreness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1\. Music Show 1st week  
2\. Fan meet 1st week  
3\. Power Time radio

Jihyo along with the girls walk towards the podium and receive a gleaming daesang. They welcome the trophy intro their palms like children being gifted their prized plushie.

"Thank you to Once who watch over us through both the good and bad. We’ll work hard to show you a good image as 9 member-Twice.”

When Nayeon delivered a familiar speech, the stadium is engulfed with a certain sound. It’s as if a downpour is hammering a steel roof. Not quite an applause but rather, a menacing buzz by the public.

“Yeah babe, how ‘bout also pulling a Jihyo? Come over to my place!”

“That’s her! She’s gone often to his house doing God knows what. Too busy to notice her bandmate is sick.”

“Daebak~ Where do their confidence come from?”

The girls step back in a cluster as the spotlight gets constricted on to them. Lights off. Jihyo awakens.

It’s only been three hours. Yet, she won’t go back after a hideous trance. Carefully, she tiptoes past her roommates who are still in slumber to try shrugging it off. Then, on the sofa, she finds a comrade.

“You too, Jihyo unnie?” Chaeyoung receives a nod. She sighs, “Rest is the most important. Wish we could defend ourselves in sleep too.”

“I’m sorry, Chaeyoung-ah." Jihyo is apologetic. This is the limit of leadership. There is so much that’s out of her control affecting the members like this.

“On behalf of everything and everyone, sorry to Unnie as well.”

Jihyo quietly sobs. It may not have been from the rightful source. Nonetheless, a sincere apology is what’s needed to be heard and be able to let go.

“Don’t cry so much, Unnie-yah. Jeongyeon-ie told me there are more happy memories.” Chaeng offers her throw pillows, “Nap when you can. Let’s get strength so we could do more of those.”

Time passed with her eyes merely shut. As much as Jihyo needs to, she barely drifted to deep sleep enough to restore her. Thus, she struggles on Inkigayo.

“I’m getting old as it’s really tiring.”

“No Jihyo-yah! We’re just 14 years old”, Momo tries to uplift the leader who slumps to a corner grasping for air.

The SaMo couple ring catches her attention. She recalls Sana telling her about the inscription on it, _“The time now is precious”_. Feeling envious, Jihyo yearns for it. The ability to be in the moment once again.

In essence, any moment is hers for the taking. That ability is with her all along pulling in Sana as partners together. In any field, it’s just a matter of actually jumping into the moment in order to be. Takes a leap of faith as what Jeongyeon did for the rebellion.

Yoo Jeongyeon is a known tsundere. She cares but is subtle about it. Her love language is definitely understated. In a group that consists of highly affectionate members, she often avoids skinship. It seems she’s better off giving it than receiving.

But not to a point where Jeongyeon would be the one to initiate and be aggressive in public. Fully taking advantage of the issue, she has faith in offering the best of the best fanservice. Thus, though it’s unexpected of her, she primes herself towards Nayeon.

A groggy yet hyper Sana misunderstood it. She stands before Jeongyeon open to receive such rarity. The girl crush Jeong then voices out that it’s Nayeon she wants instead. She excuses it as Twice traditional gift for the unnie’s birthday bash.

Right in the middle of the fan meet, Jeongyeon starts chasing Nayeon of her teeth-puckered kisses. The unnie flails yet again. Of all the members, Nayeon LOVES kisses. It’s also unexpected of her to run away from it.

This bizarre occurrence sends a mixed message. Most thinks the kiss tradition has died as the girls are purportedly getting dates nowadays. Perhaps, it could be awkward to the “boyfriend”. Even so, the observant few comprehends it.

“UNNIE WAE?!” Jeong cups Nayeon’s cheeks pulling them to her.

“If you wanna kiss me, do it gently damnit!” Clutching unto the other’s wrist, Nayeon grits in defense. Teeth are not soft after all. She then shrieks, “AHH SHIRO!!”

Jeongyeon’s first attempt to grab the world by the throat flops. Yet somehow for Jihyo, it’s reassuring. She makes attempts as well in gaining back her bright self no matter how trivial. As in jokingly throwing a toy bug to the entomophobes. She succeeds startling Momo.

But not Sana. Her trust in Jihyo is that strong, it’d take graver circumstances to scare one dangerous Japanese. She doesn’t flinch one bit. “What’s this, Jihyo-ssi?”

_Uh-oh._

Initial attempts are seldom victorious. Certainly, there are consequences. Sana goes ship hopping. She is off biting Jeong’s clavicle, petting Dahyun, or pampering a penguin plushie in lieu of someone special.

Mina. Wherever the girls go, they never forget her. Evidently, the truth they live and express is that of Twice being nine.

“When I knew I have a scene with Mina unnie, I felt kinda cheesy. Isn’t it cheesy?” Chaeyoung shares to Once.

Simultaneously, that MiChaeng scene in the Feel Special MV plays on the big screen behind them. Nayeon and Momo bring it to Chaeng’s attention making her melt in front of everyone.

“Aww, it’s really heartwarming when Chaeyoung and Mina met”, Jeongyeon mumbles_. She’s fighting back in her own way, everyone. It won’t be long ‘til we’d meet again. When it does, it will also be heartwarming._

Outsiders looking into the fandom are repulsed. For what they see is just eight. And with an issue after another, they leech off of the drama in the name of relevancy. Some may have been curious as to whether the members are turning against each other in light of these fiascos.

On the Power Time radio interview the following day, the girls get another chance to send an improved message. The question goes, “How do you maintain teamwork?”

Tzuyu: “Have the mind towards a common goal.”

Jeongyeon: “Our members are really honest.”

Nayeon: “Nothing’s bottled up. Hurts and gratitude are expressed well.”

Chaeyoung: “We talk to each other a lot.”

The query is answerable with something as simple as Practice. It must have been from Chaeyoung’s GQ shoot that their words started to pack a punch.

Jihyo does it this time, “Due to the nature of our job, it can’t be helped to show sensitivity or anger. But since **we’re together more than our own families**, we know and understand each other really well. This is why we could go for so long.”

Of course, Twice could only try and gamble. Speculating Once would read between the lines is already quite a feat. What more explaining to the general public. Regardless, the girls are all-in expressing their truth.

Even for the day’s fan meet, Jeongyeon volunteers an info. “Aren’t you curious about Mina?” She reveals, “Mina is doing well.”

Momo shares, “Mina misses Once a lot.”

Jeongyeon adds, “And she received your letters. Please send as many!”

As for the frustrated attempt, the theoretical demise of the kiss tradition is up for rebuttal. Affectionate members are fighting for their right.

“My birthday is approaching. If you end the tradition now before my birthday…”, Sana raises a point.

Momo supports Sana, “We’ve been doing it since debut. Let’s keep it until we’re grannies.”

The Yoo Jeongyeon instantly surrenders, “Alright.”

A lady in purpose won’t flop next time. She won’t only grab the world by the throat. But also, shove the truth down to it. Regardless of the awkwardness it could bring to the quote unquote boyfriends.


	12. TTT (Touch Tears Triumph)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1\. Show Champion behind  
2\. M Countdown encore

“Why was Sana on my neck?!”

“Oh, that~ I did wrong.” Jihyo pleads guilty of displeasing her partner.

Having invested a lot on the rebellion, Jeongyeon won’t let any of the crucial persons disrupt the plan. She frowns with hands on hips “Told her to hide back, did you?”

“Jihyo unnie, Hyuna sunbaenim was able to hide in plain sight. What more when there’s a guy covering you two?” Chaeyoung contends.

“NO, not ‘bout that. Quite the opposite.” Jihyo clears out. “I think… I’m gonna need some—love lessons.”

NoJam Bros look to each other like what the fuck she means.

“It’s gonna be my first time to be- really affectionate with Sana in public. The dating issue made me conscious of many aspects. It just came naturally back then.” Jihyo regrets, “Stupid me just throws a toy bug these days.”

Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung are relieved to hear that Jihyo’s concern is minor. And that the leader is finally getting active ready to fight. Although they themselves aren’t confident in matters of being demonstrative, NoJam Bros are eager to assist.

“Unnie, I believe it will flow again when you just see Sana unnie.” Chaeng receives a look, “I’m not teasing you! There’s a saying, ‘Energy flows where attention goes.’ Sticking to her may let your muscle remember how.”

“Or stick to either of us.” Jeong smirks, “We’ll throw you to Sana.”

“Eh? I- don’t think it’s necessary.” _I’m a grown woman. I can take responsibility. _Jihyo conditions herself.

Fumbled through the preliminaries of this era, Twice is now onto their second week of promotions. Show Champion is today’s music show appearance. The program where 10 seconds of airtime is dedicated to the chosen Ending Fairy.

Jihyo is in luck. The choice is hers as she was the precedent. She holds a mini game to help her decide. Among the members, whoever made her feel special would be the Fairy.

Jeongyeon does incomprehensible cute noises and gestures. Like a mom doting on her infant. Tzuyu portrays a confessing admirer by a coffee date. And then, there’s Sana and Chaeyoung.

Jihyo zooms in on the fingers making their way on her laced top. Sana holds gaze when their eyes met while tugging the ribbon on her partner. She says, “I kept worrying you’d get cold. Let me tie this up.”

Without a word, Jihyo nods with a smile. Sana has proven again that she’s mesmerizingly dangerous. However, Jihyo intends taking the chance to stick with her and requite the special feeling.

Good thing, the last contender is astounding that the choice is easier. Chaeyoung simply tucks Jihyo’s hair to her ears. It’s an exclusive love lesson right there that she can’t help say, “Oh~ I’m troubled, Chaeyoung ssi!”

Before marching unto a dangerous encounter, Jihyo chills back with the NoJam Bros. Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung are answering fan questions. First is about hairstyle. “I wanna try wild and edgy too. Like Chaengie’s black hair in the past”, Jihyo shares. “Or totally red. You know, the wild look.”

Jeong reads the next. “If given a chance, which other song from current album would you make a video of?” She expresses her liking for a different concept such as Hip-hop. Chaeng suggests the one written by Dahyun, Trick It. Conversely, Chaeng wants the sensual aura of Love Foolish. The song Momo contributed in.

Jihyo chooses the song written for Once, 21:29. She visualizes it in a form of a documentary. When Jeongyeon chuckles while the leader explains, Jihyo grabs on the unnie’s bustline. “Why are you laughing?”

Jeong immediately covers herself. Chaeng in nervous giggle pacifies them as they are on-cam, “Please don’t fight.”

NoJams are caught off guard by the roughness. It seems Jihyo has emancipated and is upping her game. “It’s kind of sexy though”, she says. She is ready.

Touch. Time. Service. These are the love languages Jihyo is fluent in. She approaches Sana and stays within perimeter. While the rest of the members are documenting backstage footages, the partners ease up on a couch. Momo films them.

Sana is on her phone browsing through Jihyo’s photos. The latter reenacts poses comedically. While creating a carefree air, Jihyo notices her partner’s legs can be exposed. She yanks a blanket nearby and spreads it across them.

When the camera zooms respective of the Japanese’s wiggling brows, Jihyo teasingly positions two fingers under her partner’s nostrils. Sana teases back by sniffing in. Jihyo giddily squeals. Inadvertently, she wipes her fingers off on Sana’s chest. She adjusts to the sleeves as soon as she realizes.

When some mistakes are too good, they become negligible. Especially when better ones are made. Momo heard that Chaeyoung wants to make an MV for Love Foolish. So, they film it on the spot.

Chaeng joins the partners on a sensual scene with her arm on Sana’s shoulder. Her other limb is free to explore herself or play with the others. Meanwhile, Jihyo leans on Sana rubbing cheeks like a cat.

Eyes closed, Jihyo cups and scours her partner’s face. Making sense of Sana’s shape before tending herself. Sana is the center of it all. Enjoying this feast, she smirks particularly watching Jihyo’s hand going places.

A few others appear in the subsequent scenes. However, they’re more on the dorky side than SaJiChaeng level of sensual. No matter, Twice had fun in the backstage diminishing the nerves towards the live broadcast.

The moment of announcing today’s winner has arrived. After tallying data, the girls emerge as the show’s champion.

Nayeon gives speech thanking the whole Twice team. Including JYP the producer himself who listened to the girls’ difficulties and wrote the track. Most importantly, to Mina who’s braving her anxiety.

Thinking back on the showcase Vlive, Jihyo simply hoped to get their message across. She desires it more than the sales reception of the album. Well, given the issues, expectations had to be let go. Hence, to rank after all the mishaps, she’s eternally grateful.

“Is this real? I think I’m gonna cry if we win again.” She tells the girls.

“Pssh! You silly. What for? We’re doing good now, right?” Jeongyeon wants to take it frivolously but knows it can’t be ignored. It’s Mina who’s doing good. Jihyo is barely there yet.

Being the catch basin of reproach, the leader must’ve been feeling heavy. Crying would lessen the load for sure. Jeong’s only concern is that emotional displays at this point may incite feedbacks they never would’ve intended.

The next day, Twice receives their second win on M Countdown. Proof that it’s real, that it’s not out of charity, and that Once have also worked their hardest despite circumstances. In the encore, Jeong sneaks away from Jihyo and moved towards Chaeng at the far end of the line.

_Oh God, here we go._

“Before we start promoting for this comeback, we were worried because it’s only 8 of us. But because of Onces’ love and support we are thankful”, tears build up as Jihyo says these. Applauding, she then wipes herself upon concluding her speech.

Momo who’s next to her is quick to give a side hug. Sana walks past Nayeon to give pats. Dahyun and Tzuyu coming from either side closing in. Nayeon, the other one next to her, eventually mirrors Sana in calming Jihyo.

And then, there’s Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung.

The last time Jihyo cried on a music show was way back their first win in Cheer Up era. Twice clustered into a group hug.

With arms in front and fists clenched, a smiley Jeongyeon twists her trunk side to side. As much as Jihyo spoke about the group, Jeong is careful not to huddle.

_This ain’t it._

She has things to consider. For one, Mina isn’t there. Though she’s improving, they are incomplete defeating the essence of the gesture. Two, they already had let go of expectations. Rankings and reception alike. There’s nothing to worry about in the first place.

Unless, it isn’t about the group anymore. The sentiment is rather personal. Due to the damned leash, Jihyo can only pertain to a few. Jeongyeon stands her ground. This isn’t the time to gather.

While cradling the M Countdown trophy, an also smiley Chaeyoung merely scrunches her nose. _Cry if it helps, Jihyo unnie. Not only to us members but to Once as well. Some may get it, some won’t. Regardless, your truth is what matters. _

_But don’t cry so much, Unnie-yah. There are indeed more happy memories just like now. If I dare say, many may have already sensed our message. Once is also fighting. We are winning despite what’s done to you. Despite its effect to all of us._


	13. Reviving Tradition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1\. M Countdown encore  
2\. Kiss the Radio  
3\. Music Bank encore  
4\. Fan meet at Ilji

“No, people! Why would she?!” Nayeon exclaims as she reads through social media. “Ugh, they think you cried cause your ‘relationship’ got exposed. And why is Daniel’s home mentioned?”

“To think I’ve already addressed it in the interview yesterday”, Jihyo pouts. “Honestly, how do you say something without directly saying it? Would be better if they just take my speech as it is.”

After Twice won on M Countdown, Nayeon, Momo, Sana, and Chaeyoung, headed back to the dorm in hopes of seeing Mina before her flight to Japan. Jeongyeon, Jihyo, Dahyun, and Tzuyu guested on Kiss the Radio. The unusual incident was brought up as to why the leader cried in the recent music show.

“She was touched”, Tzuyu answered lightning fast for her unnie.

“I have a lot of tears to begin with.” Jihyo went on to reiterate her speech and then some, “I was sad thinking just how much Once would be hurt over us promoting incompletely. Everyone had a lot of heartache.”

_Yes, I was touched. I’ve waited long. Met these girls who’ve come from different places. The girls who’ve known the cost of this dream. Who’ve given up so much like there’s no other way. We’re eager to a fault. No one would let it slip that we’re driven to exhaustion. _

_I am the leader. The one who’s supposed to be responsible. Didn’t expect I’d do it by taking the hit for the company. For the Home I thought I’ve done enough for. It’s a heavy and painful responsibility that made me think of my worth. To be loved regardless of truth, I was touched. _

Twice answered a couple more queries. The DJ asked, “What are you planning to do if you’re given a break?”

Tzuyu: “Travel in Europe for a month.”

Dahyun: “I’m a homebody. I just wanna stay home.”

Jeongyeon: “I wanna meet people I’m thankful for that I wasn’t able to meet easily due to schedule.”

If Jihyo were to be her old extroverted self, she would contrast Dahyun. She said however, “I just wanna stay at home. I wanna eat homemade food.”

These four were supposed to go back to the dorm after some time. However, they stayed until the end of the program that’s late into the evening.

Nayeon rolls eyes, “Did it not occur to them you meant YOUR family home ‘cause you badly need a retreat from all these bullshit?!”

“Had their assumptions been based entirely on us, they’d at least get half of it right. Heck, Jeong couldn’t even meet her people. And you’re staying out late like you have no boyfriend to call!”

“Unintended feedback”, Jeongyeon shrugs. “Not blaming Jihyo though for crying on national tv as it is frustrating to feel wronged.”

“So, shall we do magazines more instead? Questions there are the simplest. Contrast those to answers that spill our guts out, like Chaeng on GQ. Perhaps we could trigger better responses and make them think ‘are they really dating’. My dongsaeng, what do you say?”

“Uh~ We could be at fault. Our linguistic skills are lacking. That’s why they keep getting it wrong. On the bright side, it means they are thinking. Just stay true to self, regardless of the platform. Besides, it’s actions that do speak louder.” Chaeyoung evaluates.

“Which brings me back to you. YOU have something for us. Yeorobun, you’re gonna love it! Go ahead, Hyung. Excuse me for a bit.”

“Okay, everyone… Remember what Chaeng told us in Kuala Lumpur?”, Jeong spills her thoughts. Meanwhile, Chaeng makes a call.

“Yeoboseyo?” Chaeng smiles. “How you doin’, Minaring?”

“Chaeng Chaeng, I miss you~ What’s everyone doing? Is Jihyo okay now?”

The dongsaeng looks to her hyung, “Everyone’s listening to Jeongyeon-ie right now. Just a bit of a communication problem with the public. Which is expected.”

Chaeng eases back, “I mean… We’re going against JYPE stance. Getting our message across incites dissonance at best. World’s such a sucker for fairy tales they’d rather believe the dating blah.”

“Sounds like it’s gonna be forever marked on her history. I’m sorry. Keep me as an excuse. That’s the least I could do.”

“Minari…”

“Hmm?”

“Unnie’s speech is true. We’re broken without you. Eight will never be nine, you know.”

“I know. And I also know, we can only state half the truth.” Chaeng exhales in dejection. Mina continues, “As you’ve said, we are nine. So, allow me to fight even just like this with you.”

“Chaengie, we’re going in a few. Is that Mina-yah?” Nayeon sprouts beside Chaeng.

Chaeng does the Feel Special smile, except it’s Nayeon in front of her. The unnie snatches the phone and turns it to loud speaker, “Mina-yah! Jeongyeon-ie got an idea for later. Bet you’d love it too! Will do it in case we win again today!”

“Ah… Yes, please go get that win! As for me, I’m gonna win here too.”

The rest of the girls leave their greetings. Chaeng offs the speaker and ends with, “You’re right. Just don’t want you to think it’s your fault. None of these are ours.”

Chaeng gets a heads up. “We’re going! Miss you more, Minari. See you.”

Twice proceed to perform at the Music Bank Special for Gangneung Coffee Festival. The girls receive their 3rd win making them act on Jeongyeon’s victory stunt idea.

Feel Special has reprised. Each of the girls sings their part as some searches for the crucial prop. Momo then gets hold of something—red lipsticks. She passes one to those adjacent to her.

_“Geureol ttaemada naege eolmana naega sojunghaji_

_Malhaejuneun neoye geu hanmadie_

_Everything’s alright chorahan nobody-eseo_

_Dashi somebody teukbyeolhan naro byeonhae”_

_[Whenever those days come, you tell me how precious I am_

_All those words you say. Everything’s alright._

_From nobody to somebody, I become a very special me]_

Jihyo has been searching when the dangerous Japanese walks by and calls her. Sana paints the leader’s lips red. As soon as she’s done, Jihyo on tiptoes reaches her way to the other’s plump cheek and marked her. The shock made Sana recoil in timidity and miss her chorus.

KISS FEST. A flamboyant idea coming from a tsundere. The Yoo Jeongyeon is grabbing the world by the throat and shoving truth to it. Nayeon steps back as she bumps into the lady in purpose.

Jeongyeon, instead of puckering with her teeth, simply offers her cheek to the unnie. Nayeon smacks it with her lips the way she prefers it. Nice and soft. The lady not only didn’t flop this time, she has also revived the tradition.

The NoJams face each other. With arms out, Hyung steadies her dongsaeng and plants a kiss on the forehead. With her dimples out, Chaeyoung receives it graciously and proceeds towards Nayeon who would ensnare Jihyo next.

The leader flaps at the edge of the stage when the unnie grabs her. Not for long, Dahyun spots her. As much as Jihyo has tried to dodge, these notorious kisses from definite sources lands on either of her cheeks.

The night was filled with smooches until the song ended. The girls had never been contented. The good vibes radiate in the fan meet the next day.

Jihyo takes selca. Dahyun joins her and Sana squeezes in hugging from her side. Jihyo wraps an arm around Sana. Clicks. Poses. In the final shot, Sana turns to her partner and pecks her cheek. With mic on hand, Sana suddenly feels like sharing something.

“Ah! I have something to say… I’m the only one who got a kiss from Jihyo.” Sana tells the crowd. Jihyo looks to her and nods with a smile.

“As expected of my partner”, Sana giggles. She lowers her body and envelopes Jihyo into another hug. The leader embraces back patting the other’s waist.

When they tug away, Jihyo asks “How did you know?”

“Once uploaded who kissed who yesterday.”

“Woah really!” Jihyo beams in awe.

It meant the world for Twice when Once can point out these things. That’s when they know they have people directly watching over them. People who are looking at the right sources. The ones who seek and witness their truth. And possibly hopefully, would get them.


	14. Mina's Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1\. Fan meet at Ilji  
2\. Twice Hawaii  
3\. Time interview  
4\. Twicetagram  
5\. Once Halloween 2

“Who will you take to a deserted island with you?” a fan asks.

Looks around, “Uh…” Though there’s only eight members present, Chaeyoung utters “Mina unnie!”

She has lived this on a similar memory. The ocean was calm as the breeze was just right. Waves softly met footprints stamped by Mina and Chaeyoung walking side by side. Chaeng picked up a pebble in her desire to make it hop on the big blue for as many times.

“Here goes”, she blessed it with her lips hoping it’ll go this time. But just like her previous attempts, the stone drowned as soon as it made impact. She turned back to an amused Mina who’s waiting with an arm reaching out.

“If only I have all the time in the world to make you see.”

“If I happen to miss it, just tell me and I’d still believe.”

Their hands intertwine. And while drifting somewhere, Chaeng mused impishly “You have to see. Cause what if I lie?”

Mina cackled. She only looked at her for a while now that she has known her too well. Thus, she rubbed the audacity off of the younger’s cheeks “You must be hungry?”

The gentle knead turned into squeeze making Chaeng’s lips pucker that she could only reply through a sound, “Uh.”

“Come, I know a place.” Mina, who had familiarized her favorite place, led Chaeyoung to her favorite food served in a truck. It was the best shrimp she had by far.

Later into the fan meet, Chaeyoung has shared this memory of their little food hunt when the girls talk of Hawaii. The good vibe is evident. Given what transpired yesterday, it’s because Twice has carried out their loudest message to date.

Yet when Jihyo allows her wounds a moment, she still finds herself sulking. At the end of the day, she couldn’t control what most of the world thinks of her according to the news it’s fed with. Sana takes notice and tucks her to arms. Chaeng glances over.

_Jihyo unnie, maybe being loved regardless of truth would suffice. Could be nice to have more Minari in this world. One who knows us well enough. Sadly, it isn’t the case. Being misunderstood by billions no matter how much you’ve shown yourself could be painful. But you have us eight who do._

Shortly, the girls receive a memo. It states to proceed with upcoming activities as is the current line-up. That is, with just eight members. Must be the evaluation on Mina.

_And she too has eight here waiting._

Twice plows through the last stretch of promotions. While the girls have recorded their closing stage on the Inkigayo Super Concert, they have also conquered through individual schedules. Sana, Jihyo, Nayeon, and Dahyun spare an interview with Time.

Sana differentiates Twice music from when they were starting to what they want to achieve at present. To send a message. She says “This time, we are trying to show our real heart to the listeners as individuals.”

As more people recognize Twice, the girls also open up about the weight that goes with it. Jihyo shares, “The most detailed example of meeting this expectation is shown as one member is resting now because she is **also struggling**.”

_Jakku sumgoman shipeoseo_

_Maju hagiga shireoseo modeun ge_

_Uimireul ireun deushi_

_[I just wanted to hide. Didn’t wanna face the world _

_As if everything has lost meaning.]_

“We were also feeling similar anxieties as Mina did. All members were feeling that. As I saw the positive response, I thought that Twice doesn’t have to be in a rush when it comes to activities”, Nayeon relates.

Dahyun emphasizes, “Physical and mental health are the most important things the members should take care of.”

They do take care. It’s just that life happens in ways they didn’t wish for. Mina’s situation is unfortunate that they were broken. While Jihyo’s dating news is unforeseen that they were thrown off.

Gets more draining since the world knows a different reality. Which too has expectations. One Jihyo didn’t wanna live up to. Along with consequences she didn’t choose to deal with. Jihyo is also struggling as she lacks control of her life right now.

She gets a chance to re-center when Twice goes on a quick break. Too quick, the foreigners wouldn’t fly to their hometowns. Jihyo extends an invite to Sana, “Come over so Bbuyo could meet you.”

“Nah, cats don’t like me.”

“Bbuyo is different from Bomb”, Jihyo pouts. Sana in a polite smile shakes head turning her down. Jihyo shoves things to her bag, “I’ll get a dog too then.”

“Bye.”

Sana still smiling waves to her, “It’s your family time Jihyo-yah. Enjoy!” In meters apart, Jihyo raises arms with thumbs up.

Although the Feel Special promotions have officially concluded, the girls remain eventful. They have a week to go for Once Halloween 2. It’s the grand fan meeting event set on October 20, their debut date.

Finalizing costumes, merchandise, and rehearsals while still going on individual schedules. Dahyun on first pitch for LG. Tzuyu on Coach store opening. Jeongyeon on Jimmy Choo store opening. Not everything is about work as amongst the crowd, there’s Nayeon who made time and cheer for Jeongyeon.

Meanwhile for Jihyo, before anything, she has got to do what she told Kiss the radio. And she did. She stayed at home, ate homemade food, and even captioned her post with “It’s been a while since I came home.”

Her mom refills the kimchi and other side dishes without a word. Jihyo breaks the silence, “Mashiseo~ Omma, kamsa.”

She may have instilled responsible attitude particularly on her eldest daughter, Jihyo. But even the most disciplined of moms still has a mother’s heart. She doesn’t ask what’s hurting. She just knows that her daughter needs to carry a heavy crown. Mom tells her “Eat well and get strength.”

Jihyo bows head as she eats. Tears trickle as she sniffs. Her mom used to just tell her off when Jihyo’s the one responsible for what’s done. Because she reminds her child that she used to want it so bad, took time to plan on integrating that something in her life, and decide to act on it despite consequences.

This obviously isn’t the case, seeing Jihyo returning home in this manner. The family’s support this time is unlike any other. “We’ll be there on the 20th”, mom places hand on her daughter’s shoulder. Jihyo nods and wipes herself.

Later that evening, Jihyo makes the bed for her youngest sister Seoyeon and hops right in. Hailing the teen to her side, she wouldn’t seize the few moments she could have with her precious people.

“Since when did you grow bigger?” Jihyo hovers palm over Seoyeon’s head, “Time flies so fast! I feel old.”

She sighs as she brushes her unnie’s bangs, “You’re supposed to feel young if not happy when everything’s working out for you.”

“I…” Jihyo can’t find the words.

Her finger hushes the unnie, “I know you must not tell. You would have, a long time ago. Are the other unnies helping you?”

Jihyo in a weak smile lets a sound of affirmation.

“Unnie, you’re a really great unnie. I wanna be like you.”

“Oh~ You wanna sing too?”

“Ani. I wanna be as strong as you!”

Uwuing in this validation, Jihyo pulls her youngest sister to a hug “Does this mean I’m your favorite now?”

Seoyeon speaks up, “Ani. Momo unnie is still the best.” They laugh. Park sisters falls asleep comfortably.

In the morning, Jihyo awakens by her phone ringing. Her sister had already gone to school. She slept so soundly she didn’t notice. She answers the call as soon as she found it. The voice made her jump out.

“1, 2, 3, let’s go…”

“We’ll go to the other stage on this part.”

“Okay okay!”

The Hwajung Gymnasium of Seoul’s Korea University is designed into a colorful and festive carnival. The production lits the girls’ rehearsal late into the evening. Their hearts burn just as bright as for the first time in a while. The stage is graced with all the nine.

Running through the final act following the script, the girls step back to the platform descending them offstage. The eight who dearly miss Mina gather to her. Two of them do so with heightened concern.

“You know Once are patient, right? No rushing?” Jihyo has been thinking this. She wants to make sure Mina is not pushing herself for anyone.

“Minari…” Chaeyoung just calls her with the rest of her thoughts kept. In which, Mina knows what is meant.

“I’m definitely nervous”, the most anxious tells them. Mina looks at Chaeyoung putting up a brave smile, “That I’m also excited.”

“My voice is nothing much. Barely heard, that’s the truth! But if gathered with everyone here making eight into nine, the message will be louder.”

She may not be at her healthiest. But this Mina is strong. She too looks at the leader, “I’m here. No more excuses Jihyo-yah.”

A team is only as strong as the weakest.

That said, Twice is truly strong. For having the most wounded lends another part of herself just as much as the other wounded has given. For having to brave her own fight hoping it leads to the other’s victory.


	15. The Loudest Message

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1\. Once Halloween 2

Being setup to cover something isn’t farfetched in the industry. K-Dramas and movies have portrayed it. Despite what Twice amassed for the company, the girls never thought that their own kin JYPE could do it to them.

Their lifestyle is difficult enough requiring hard work and dedication. Add to that the criticisms. These are the consequences the girls have trained to take.

The ones they’re aware of are easier. They acknowledge their shortcomings and simply live with their imperfections. On things they didn’t mean to, it’s less so as they are distraught.

However, on actions they themselves didn’t do; they are angry. Dating should be happy news. And the public is even fairly tolerant of it. Yet for Twice who have been open and true, throwing Jihyo in to a fake love isn’t.

Their plate is full to be dealing with a whole different set. All the nightmares and tears, it must’ve been hard to stomach. As criticisms, which sprung from the news though few, are vile.

_“This too shall pass” _says a famous quote. Letting go, Twice just wouldn’t do so without sending out their loudest message. One they hope would clear them from all of these.

Jeongyeon in her Mad Hatter costume starts off, “Another year has passed this fast. In each year, our Once never changed and it amazes me that it’s getting more. What should I say? I just hope that we stay this way.”

“There are both happy and sad events. But let’s be happy! Tomorrow is Monday where some have to go work. Let’s think on the bright side. Weekend will come.”

This Jeongyeon has the same energy with the Vlive after the Chicago leg of Twicelights. She’s tired and done that she just wants to drink the difficulties away.

“Thank you for spending time with us. Let’s have a meal. Let’s have a drink. Everyone here’s an adult, right? Let’s have it in this state.”

“In this state?” Tzuyu in her Maleficent suit says “No, I don’t want to.”

Nayeon is the most normal looking. She is dressed as Choi Min Sik from a Korean movie Old Boy. She welcomes the idea saying, “Let’s think about it.”

Momo cosplays Boo from her favorite movie, Monsters Inc. “I’m so happy we’re able to play with Once and have performance. Right until now throughout the 4 years, we went through many things with Once. Whether it’s tough or happy times. So, our relationship has gotten better.”

Nayeon corrects her, “Closer.” This apricot neon magenta fandom has become more tightknit as tough times expose who the real friends are.

“Ah yea, relationship got closer. I’m happy that I’m able to stand on stage as nine. In the future, I hope Once and nine of Twice are all healthy and only have happy things happening.”

Lacking members is nothing new. As in the past, there had been injuries. Even then, Twice were happy. Physical hurts are easier to heal. When one is tired, rest is mainly the answer. This time even in sleep, they are restless.

_“I’m here. No more excuses Jihyo-yah_”, as what Mina said.

They are now standing as nine, making it known that it’s not about Mina any longer. That the mental wound they’re enduring is that of Jihyo’s. The leader musters the courage.

“Is there anyone here who have been Once since the 1st year?” Jihyo who’s cosplaying Miguel from Coco sees many. “Wah it’s amazing. Thank you so much. And now, today is exactly the 4th year debut date.”

Jihyo is finding the right words, “Throughout the 4 years, many things happened. There are both kinds of tears. Tears of joy and tears due to sad events. There also laughing times because of happy things.

Because of Once, there are things that made us too happy that we cried. It made me think that we don’t only have good things. But we’re still together, cheering, cherishing, and trusting each other.

So, the thing I wanted to say is…”

_Many of you have watched us all these years, it means you know ME enough. You trust me enough. From Day 1, I’ve received criticisms. And that’s okay cause it’s the consequences of MY decision to become an artist. _

_This- this dating thing isn’t. I am not with Daniel. I don’t own and deserve any of these. Especially, the criticisms. What you’ve seen and read from others is not me. Look here, believe us instead._

“So, the thing I wanted to say is… No matter what others say, as long as we’re good among ourselves… is enough, right? Nowadays, many people say things easily.

I hope Once won’t be hurt or have tough times because of us. We too don’t get affected by others as well. We’ll just have fun amongst ourselves for a long time until we aged.”

Jeong affirms while Nayeon asserts, “Good. Other than Once and Twice, please move aside.” No one else would understand anyway.

“Anyway~ Like what Momo said, the fact that we can do these together as nine. I really felt that a lot especially today. It was also thanks to everyone that nine of us can shine.

Once who always brighten us, thank you so much. Please take care of us in the future.” Jihyo sees her family among the crowd and feels reassured.

Tzuyu, on the other hand, is ocean away from family. What sustained her all this time made her longing bearable. “I think I’ve met a lot of good people on my way here. I’ve received a lot of help from these people to be able to stand here today.”

“Our Once, thank you for liking this side of us. Also, when you’re exhausted or having difficulty, do not be scared since we’re here. Let’s walk together in everything.” Certainly, the maknae intends to protect her newfound family.

Though a local, Nayeon has the same intention. She expresses that this IS the relationship they’d fight for, “All the memories with everyone is fun and enjoyable.

Sometimes I think with unsettling feelings, ‘What happens if Once disappears?’ But slowly as time passed and with the fan meeting today, I think that bad feeling is disappearing.”

Throwing caution, the fierce unnie trusts all the years the Once has known them. Hoping that they would also be fought for, “I think it has been a great time where we slowly build up things that are only shared between Once and us. And no matter what others say, Once fight for us.”

“Please don’t fight”, Tzuyu doesn’t advocate violence.

Jihyo perceives it pointless. She adds, “Just leave them alone.”

Nayeon continues and abridges Jihyo’s message “Looking at Once, I felt assured yet also felt bad. I hope Once don’t get stressed by the words of others. **Like what Jihyo said, just look at us.** And only look at the good things.

Thanks to everyone who’ve worked hard behind. As well as the members who thought that any stage as something dreadful yet also precious. Especially to Mina who gained courage. It’s a very blissful stage done with nine people.”

“My skin is getting drier. It’s time for me to go back to the lamp”, says Dahyun who is Genie for today. Not just to be comical but like the character, she wants to fulfill the impossible.

“It’s been a meaningful anniversary because the nine of us are together. Those 4 years can be felt not long nor short. Twice came running up ‘til here with good people and good Once.”

The world isn’t made up of only good people and good Once. It may be impossible to make everyone look at them and see the truth. But a genie Dahyun has got to try. There may never be a better opportunity.

“The unnies have already thanked everyone so I have three wishes for genie. First! For Twice, who’ve worked hard, to be happy. Second! For Once, who’s always by our side, to laugh always and be happy looking at Twice.”

Jeong notices her struggle. So, she wishes for her to go back being Dahyun, “Time for you to go back to being a rapper.”

“Yeah, time to go back.” Dahyun makes her third wish “Lastly, for Once and Twice to be together for a long time.”

Tzuyu pleads, “Please make it true!”

It’s Sana’s turn. She’s also finding words, “I have so many things to say. What should I do?”

“Just say a lot”, partner Jihyo spoils her. “Since it’s our anniversary, we can just sit and wait.” Nayeon seconded saying, “Take your time.”

Sana goes on, “This 4th year fan meeting is the best to me. I felt very thankful since debut days or even before for being with us. Slowly as we’re having activities, we’re very thankful to everyone.

We’re able to do lots of things and share a lot of times together because there’s Once. Though we say it’s 4th anniversary, don’t think you weren’t there from the start. I think we will have more days ahead. So, Once please keep us as your memories of today.”

The old Once have known the girls. But that doesn’t take away from the new Once. They didn’t miss a thing. Because what they were is still what they are. Just stronger.

“Let’s work hard together until the next time we meet. Thanks to everyone and to our members who are always by my side”, Sana bows.

Now on Chaeyoung who counts blessings, “I thought a lot about how 4 years has passed. Besides feeling it passed quickly, I also realized a lot has happened. I think most of the memories are happy ones.”

Rebel Chaeng discloses a glimpse of the mental burden they carry. “Not long ago, I texted with Jeongyeon unnie. We don’t actually text besides group chat. We also talked about difficult times. _‘There are more happy moments. So, let’s think positively’_ Jeongyeon-ie said.”

“Yes, I think she’s right.” Cause the unfortunate and unforeseen events became blessings in disguise. Genuine feelings of genuine people are revealed.

Chaeng follows up on her story. “Then she said, _‘I love you Chaeng-ah.’_ Needlessly, I teared up and made me realize that we’re really like a family and depend on each other a lot.”

“It’s really nice as there are a lot of Once and people who cheered for us. For us to express ourselves and delivering it is always hard. Even if I wrote long letters but there’s no way for me to deliver. We only able to express it through stage or performances or album since it’s our job.”

_Not everyone will know the truth. But there are people who would. For that, I’ll keep up and do better._

“Once always love and like the lacking us. I’m very thankful as we’re always receiving lots of strength. I’ve always wanted to say this but couldn’t, I’m sorry. I’ll do better in the future.”

Lastly, Mina who made everything extra special completes the loudness of their message. Holding her, Jihyo off mic checks on Mina if she’s okay while Nayeon holds her by the other hand.

Mina affirms that she desires to say something no matter how faint and few. She takes up the mic and says simply, “Thank you to Once and to the members as well.”

Tears are shed. From here on, the girls having each other’s back has never been so passionate. They’ve said and done their loudest. They’d care less that the world expects them to act differently. To act as if Jihyo has someone else.

Because the truth, though only understood by a few, is that there’s no one else.

_If even after this, we couldn’t make you understand then think all you want. You are free to believe them instead of us. Regardless, we’ll remain as Nayeon… Jeongyeon… Momo… Sana… Mina… Dahyun… Chaeyoung… Tzuyu…_

_I am who I am. Regardless if you’ve known me as Godjihyo or Kang Daniel’s girlfriend. I’ll remain as my real self. And this Park Jihyo includes being-_

_Sana’s Jihyo._


	16. Loved Genuinely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1\. Twicelights Japan in Sapporo  
2\. Jeongyeon on Marie Claire  
3\. Vlive  
4\. Twice arrival from Japan

_There are people looking, who’d listen… I wanna keep up… I wanna…_

“Do better… Now we’re- nine.” Chaeyoung mumbles. Feverish, she couldn’t get up. She has fallen ill to a point she couldn’t participate on the first leg of Twicelights Japan.

Nayeon and Momo are on her bedside. Dahyun and Tzuyu are packing Chaeyoung’s stuff. As the room gets crowded, Mina and Jeongyeon stay out. Sana and Jihyo just got back with the manager from assisting in reports and Chaeyoung’s earlier flight schedule back to Korea. They join them.

“How’s Chaengie?” Sana asks.

“Still the rebel kid that she is even when barely conscious”, Jeongyeon puffs out. “Hopefully this is just body reaction to season changing, nothing more serious.”

The girls have seen Chaeyoung suffer from nightmares that’s likely affecting important rest. Hearing her dongsaeng’s deliria, Jeongyeon would like to renounce the possibility of the trauma taking over the maknae.

Jeong looks to Jihyo and pans to the door insinuating the leader to check on Chaeng, “Yah you might wanna go in there.”

Jihyo daunted clocks the knob. Before she enters, Mina expresses something she would like to do for Chaeyoung. “Jihyo I’ll take Chaeng’s parts”, Mina says.

Chaeng sang Mina’s during the Feel Special promotions. Now the situation calls for her to do the same and Jihyo understands that. The leader nods, “I’ll let the others know and get them ready” then she steps in to the room.

“Mina said she’d fill in Chaeng’s. Proceed to rehearsals. I’ll follow in a bit”, Jihyo states. Nayeon, Momo, Dahyun, and Tzuyu leave the two.

Shortly, Chaeng mumbles again. Jihyo moves to her side and lends ears. Chaeng utters, “Waegure? This- we don’t deserve…”

Jihyo calls her, “Chaeyoung-ah.”

Chaeng half awakes. _Jihyo unnie, I- thought it’s okay to be loved regardless. Living in this lie is haunting. It is _“Not okay.”

“Unnie, mian I…” she tried to tell something.

Jihyo suddenly hears a knock. It’s the staff that would take Chaeng to the airport. She goes to answer. But the rebel maknae tosses her arm to the leader pausing her and whispers, “I’ll fight.”

Jihyo finds herself reflecting on Chaeng’s words while on rehearsals. She tells Jeongyeon about it, “Baby Beast holding on to the rebellion.”

“What’s with the face? Aren’t you gonna do the same?”

“After the grand fan meet, I’m inclined to let go now.”

Jeong’s eyes widen, mockingly chuckles.

“I’ve poured my guts out in my recent mag interview STILL on fighting stance, clearing our name to anyone.” Jeongyeon sighs, “Just- One more amongst billions in this world. To let them know of truth. We’re in too deep to quit.”

She had a solo shoot with Marie Claire for its November 2019 issue in time for her birthday. Being perceived as Jihyo’s driver to Daniel’s place as per Dispatch’s article, Jeongyeon subtly fought by emphasizing how important image is to her.

She spilled on the mag, _“I clean up because it’s not nice to look at messy things. Especially in the waiting rooms where people come and go. It’s like Twice’s face, our image.”_

Further, Jeongyeon is making it known that she’s the one who get to decide for herself and not be used by anyone. She says _“The fact that I myself made a particular decision, not others. It’s important for me to not regret or look back on decisions I’ve already made. I can’t blame anyone for it.”_

In line to this consciousness, she adds _“I worry for no reason. That makes my body tired. I don’t know if I should throw away my desire to take care of everybody.”_

This is where Jeongyeon is coming from. She’s still in this fighting attitude that she’s unlikely to let go.

“The more we hAVE TO LET GO.” Jihyo sighs, “We’ve said and done our best. It’s tiring. I can’t stand seeing anyone of you like this anymore. All because of- my name written on that stupid article.”

“So, what you’re gonna do now? Carry on your own living this LIE?!”

Jihyo freezes up. She knows the next question that needs to be asked is “How?” Her sensitive heart still remembers the time she carried a mental wound on her own. It was from the despair of waiting long to debut. She was distressed that she had neglected her physique gaining so much weight.

Her current state is entirely different than before. Now a renowned celebrity in full bloom, the impact of receiving both compliments and hate are magnified. Jihyo who has built reputation by authenticity finds them taxing including the good wishes on her framed-up dating.

What would her life be like if she had carried this load alone? Jeong reminds her, “Have it your way had you not become Twice. Since it’s not the case, you can’t blame us in wanting to carry it with you.”

Jihyo gives in. Nodding, she says “Gurae. And I thank you all for that. I just meant that we don’t have to try so hard anymore. We’ve done our part feeding our truth to the world. Swallowing it is totally on them.”

These knock sense to Jeong that she calms down. “Mian. I’m being nosy again, aren’t I?” They break this little strain by giggles.

Jihyo lifts her face catching a glimpse of Sana across the stage and says, “I’m just- gonna live.”

She looks back to Jeong, “That’s what I want for everyone too. What we’ve gone through definitely changed us forever. I’m not quitting the fight. More like, letting our lives speak for itself. The ones who heard our loudest wouldn’t need more. To those who didn’t…”

Jihyo sees Sana approaching. The leader focuses on every step closer Sana makes. Jeong takes notice on the way they look and completes the other’s thought, “Forgive them. For they have failed to listen attentively.”

She shakes head and chuckles by herself for realizing her pettiness, “Right~ It’s the companies who confirmed it. Not you. Plus, here I am witnessing you idiots being all...”

“Ha?”

“god herself NOT LISTENING”, she’s about to slap her. The leader flinches. In the last minute, her hand hangs on Jihyo’s shoulder instead “I said I’m sorry. You’re not living a lie, it seems.”

Sana arrives and embraces her partner just as Jeongyeon flees with a smile and arms over her head showing Jihyo a heart. The blonde Japanese asks the leader, “How’s my Jihyo feeling?”

“Loved”, she answers with eyes closed as she’s squished. “Genuinely.”

This is the kind of love Twice has thrived on boosting their strength to survive another day. Tonight’s concert is filled with such and is witnessed by many as Mina successfully took over Chaeyoung’s parts.

Strengthened so much so that Nayeon and Momo initiate a Vlive right after the show. That goes with the fact that they’ve been avoiding food most of the day to prevent from throwing up during the run. It’s only now they’re able to eat in peace.

Momo munches on curry while the others are seen come and go with their own supply. Jihyo who has finished up now leads the broadcast. She scrolls through the comments and reads out the safe ones. The ones she’s confident about. Sana is behind reacting with her.

“Woolwa you’re so pretty”, Jihyo reads one with a contraction of _Woori Twice_ and is fond of it. She wonders how it come about. She repeats upon learning from Sana.

“It means, _Our Twice_.” Sana then suggest of naming back, “Let’s call Once, Woolce.” Shortened for _Woori Once_ which means, Our Once.

_Our Once, isn’t it nice to be called ours? Like how it makes special feelings to truly belong to someone_. “I love it”, Jihyo says.

“Come here”, Sana puckers as she tells her. She goes in for a peck on the cheek. Smiley Jihyo leans back going out of frame. As soon as muncher Momo who is seated beside notice them, Sana gives up.

Jihyo returns to frame and blurts out, “I love this filter effect.” Sana hits Momo who’s shooting Jihyo a look. Instead of turning to her puberty fit versus Jihyo once again, Momo bows down going back to munching food.

A day after, the girls have arrived back to Korea. Chaeyoung in a better state watches the recorded clip of the Live at the dorm. Momo joins her.

She stumbles on the part where Jihyo is making Dahyun choose between Sana and Momo. The maknae clings to the latter leaving the partners stick to themselves naturally.

“Yah those two”, Momo reacts on the partners inadvertently turning her into a third wheel.

“Heh, would’ve picked unnie had I been there.”

Momo cuddles baby Chaeng, “It’s okay. Dahyun and Nayeon-ie got me.”

Sooner on the clip, Momo who’s caressing Dahyun’s hair confessed that she had curry by hand. Chaeng laughs out on this scene, “Unnie! ~ Aw, poor Dahyun-ie…”

Momo who has just been observant of their situation banters with rebel Chaeng, “We pulled through and lightened the load. Jihyo is becoming bright again, isn’t she?”

“She’s letting go.”

“Oh, you know?”

“Yeah we’ve talked. Knowing her as a mediator keeping peace, I expected it. Glad she has fought first and did everything before doing so. And since she’s directly the one written on paper, of course I’d support what she’d set on.”

Chaeyoung then declares “But, I’d still fight.”

“Eh?”

“Things that really matter are clearer now. Knowing what’s genuine allows us to protect and cherish those that are precious better. Living on is Jihyo unnie’s style.”

Chaeng adds “Anyway, I’ve let her know I’m ready. WE are ready, rather… Whenever she’s in need. As for me, I’d fight in my own way.”

Soon, they hear the door swing. It’s Mina who follows through a different flight schedule away from the usual airport crowd waiting for Twice. She goes straight to Chaeng whom she dearly missed and covered for proudly announcing, “I made it!”

Both her performance in Twicelights and arriving back safely from Sapporo are achievements on its own. Mina is made comfortable wherever she goes. The handmade shoes written with _‘Doing small things with great love’ _indeed do wonders.

The shoemaker Chaeng welcomes her, “Knew it! Thank you Minari.”


	17. Birthday Girls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1\. Vlive  
2\. Twicelights Osaka  
3\. Twicetagram

“Looks like the rest won’t finish on time”, Sana says.

“Go ahead Jihyo-yah”, Nayeon urges the leader. “Please buy delicious cake. We’ll just have lots more food and games when we get home.”

“Alright, I’ll get going!” Jihyo storms out hoping she’d make it on her best friend’s birthday Vlive. She texted the manager to prolong the broadcast.

Meanwhile, Jeongyeon who is arranged to finish her schedule ahead of everyone is celebrating an hour of her 24th birthday with Once. She shares random info.

“Mina bought a Lego set, a huge one…”

“Stranger Things”, the manager helps her remember.

“Ah, Stranger Things! She completed it in 2 days”, Jeong is happy to share this letting Once know that Mina is indeed has been doing well. She’s also responding to some questions and comments.

Like her first impression of the members and about their tradition if they’ve done it. She says, “I didn’t get kisses yet. I guess they will give me later.”

Jeong nearly ended her Live. Giving a few more sneak peeks of her Marie Claire magazine feature when suddenly, the lights turned off. She turns to a lit candle on a cake carried by Jihyo. She makes a silent wish after the song and blew the flame.

The Live is extended with more stories now together with Jihyo. They munch on the cake with their chopsticks. She’s proud to make it in time that she suggests the celebrant to tease some members, notably Tzuyu, who promised to accompany her.

But being the Twice guardian that she is, Jeong understands that even gathering together amongst them scheduling is still difficult. So she tells Jihyo, “Don’t~ Tzuyu’s gonna feel bad.”

As Jeong expects, the rest of the girls have only arrived later that evening. Too late for the broadcast. They made it up, however, by staying until 4 in the morning for drinks and games.

“No one’s gonna sleep until the bottle’s done!” Jeong declares. The younger half of the group Mina, Dahyun, Chaeyoung, and Tzuyu have cozied on the couch in their own ways.

“Unnie~ “, Momo on the floor draggingly rubs head to Nayeon’s shoulder seemingly asking for some help.

Nayeon takes Momo’s glass and drinks it empty. Jeong pours another set and the unnie empties it just the same. Momo halts the next glass, “Andwae…” But Nayeon never backs down on her words. She nods on Jeong to keep pouring.

Across the chaotic unnies are the partners. Jihyo tells Sana, “Should I go help them?”

Jihyo’s about to bother the chaos when Sana pulls her in and says, “Don’t.” The Japanese has her lips slightly open with eyes looking down on the other’s lips. “Don’t use that excuse when you can just ask me. Right here, right now.”

“Think I’m gonna need it”, Jihyo speaks as Sana shakes her head telling her no. Leader shuts eyes when the other moves in on her lower lip with a nibble. She tells her, “You were rough one time.”

“I was- Hungry that time”, Sana buries face on Jihyo’s neck.

“This time, too?”

Nope. Sana who isn’t hungry nor angry wants something else. She sits up and looks to her directly. _Right here, right now_. Jihyo then announces, “I definitely need a drink.”

She gets up and goes to the unnies making Sana question, “Waw wae wae?? What’s wrong?!”

Jihyo settles to the other side of Nayeon, takes the glass, and help them. Momo scoffs, “Yah~ Get your own!” The Puberty line strike each other. Nayeon and Jeongyeon cuts them off.

It’s past noon, Jihyo finds herself on the floor beside her drinking buddies. She’s feeling a bit of a hangover. Sana literally looks down and tells her, “You brought this upon yourself.”

Even so, she gives her partner a cup of tea to be able to perk up. Sana is curious of something so she asks, “Do you really need to choose alcohol over my sweet lips?”

Jihyo spits her tea. Sana helps her wipe what she spilled. Jihyo asks back, “Y-you just want kisses?”

Sana nods with a sound and retorts, “Just kisses. Maybe some touches here and there as usual. But just kisses. Wae?”

Jihyo doesn’t answer and goes back sipping tea instead.

“Hokshi…” Sana whispers something making Jihyo spill again. “Alright! Algesseo! As if we haven’t gone before. Why are you like this?”

“Cause you wanted it _Right here, right now_. Tsk, wild” Jihyo shakes head and about to sip again when Sana teases her with another comment.

“That’s what blankets are for.”

“YAissSH!”

Despite the outburst, Jihyo couldn’t take it all out on Sana when she’s looking like that. Like, they’ll be apart and miss each other. This time, Sana too has an earlier flight to Japan and later arrival to Korea.

Sure, they’d meet again in between for the concert. But because it’s in Osaka, Jihyo concedes for Sana’s time with family.

“Come back safely and healthily. I’ll give you anything you want this time”, Jihyo says.

“Anything?” Sana is thrilled. She has a lot in mind that she couldn’t choose yet. She holds on to those words until she can figure herself out.

Her birthday is fast approaching anyway. Similarly, Sana thought of her best friend Momo’s day too coming real soon.

She asks her partner “By the way, have you gotten Momo a gift yet?”

“Well, I’m thinking of something that would help her get a good sleep. She’s restless. It’s not as bad as Chaeng’s but Jeongyeonie is worried.”

“Hmm… Since I’ll miss it, the least I could do is get her a nice present. Thanks for the tip.”

Twicelights had passed with both of Osaka schedules witnessing all of nine. The crowd sang Momo a Happy Birthday greeting her in advance and wishing her well.

After the concert, 7 girls gone back to Korea. The others stayed for 2 more days. Mina still took a separate flight while Sana who has finished schedules in advance took a mini vacation.

Like how Jeongyeon lends time to celebrate with Once, Momo goes on Vlive. For a change, she does a simple cooking show assembling a cake topping it with her own Monsters Inc icing scribble. Her guests also arriving late are Nayeon and Tzuyu who brought a commercial cake.

Tzuyu is shocked of the vividness on Momo’s work. “It’s too yellow”, she says. The celebrant confesses that she spilled the food color out of proportion. But since breads and pastries are Tzuyu’s favorite and Momo’s effort is at stake, she tries having some.

“It’s good though.”

The staff signals on them that they have to go back in a few minutes. Looking at the frame, the girls are by the window that seems overlooking the city. More like, they are in a hotel room. Anywhere but their dorm.

When they’re about to end the broadcast, Nayeon couldn’t promise to go Live again once they arrive. She shares, “Since we’re talking about dorm~ The reason that we’re very careful about it is because, there are people waiting for us. Even foreign friends.”

“Sometimes we want to do a Live at the dorm but we’re holding it”, Tzuyu adds.

“Please protect our dorm. We’re afraid to bring trouble to the neighbors too”, Nayeon begs for everyone’s understanding.

The girls end the Live. Momo asks Nayeon, “Unnie gwaenchana?”

“What- Of course, I am! How’s your day so far? I have a gift waiting for you~ Let’s go now.” Nayeon takes Momo by the hand and along with Tzuyu, they head out.

Momo can’t help think of this unnie who has given so much to her. Nayeon’s worries are hers as well. It’s making her restless. Birthdays are the times to gift something to oneself. For Momo, it’s to protect this family.

So, she convenes with Jihyo.


	18. Her Sanity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1\. Twicelights Japan  
2\. Idol Room  
3\. Vlive  
4\. JYP fan web  
5\. Twicetagram

The two Japanese arrives at the dorm completing the synergy of nine. Like magnets, Mina and Chaeyoung are beside each other.

When Dahyun passes by, Chaeng holds on to Mina to prevent her coming in between them again as what Dubu did in the first Twicelights Japan OT9.

“Don’t worry Chaengie. We don’t have to sit by age here”, Dahyun presents her a fist bump to which Chaeng returns. She settles to other side of Chaeng instead.

The artsy maknae refocuses on her favorite unnie. Mina is teaching Chaeyoung how to knit. She’s a big fan of the unnie’s work, such as the hat given last winter. Timely since it’s the cold season again.

Meanwhile, the partners are configuring the iPhone gifted by IU when Twice guested on her concert last year. It’s only now that Sana opens it to replace her broken phone.

In the midst, Jihyo is curious if Sana has figured what she wants to ask of her yet. So, she reminds her “Would you like to do anything? I mean, not for the show. For you.”

Jihyo’s alarm rings. It signals her to care for her reddish left eye. She’s been enduring it for days now. Sana thinks out loud while helping her partner put an eye drop, “Look up… Well you’ve got a cat and recently gone blonde. I have nothing new to ask yet.”

“Uh, those are my wants.” Jihyo blinks letting her eye absorb the liquid.

“Which are diligently reminded by yours truly”, Sana points to herself. She is proud of nudging her partner to her dreams. Even if it took to confront her in the last Idol Room promotion.

In the nitpicking segment, the partners eventually had to faceoff. Jihyo told her, _“Blonde doesn’t suit you.”_ Wherein the Japanese retracted with, _“You said you wanted to go blonde but why didn’t you? You coward!”_

She indeed affects Jihyo in a way that’s empowering, making her do things. Sana adds, “Okay how ‘bout to rid of those bangs once and for all.”

Jihyo gets silent. It is after all, her mechanism against the mental havoc brought about the dating issue. She wears it whenever the insecurity from judgements creep in and that she would like to hide. She has little left to defend herself since she has already dropped her arms in fighting upfront.

“Your peace. Your happiness- That’s what I want”, Sana notices that Jihyo still wears the bangs sometimes. Indicating that she’s still suffering. Sana says this as if reminding the leader of her original bright self. Cause what she’s seeing on her is a dark cloud.

Jihyo suddenly moves in and kisses her, “This- this is my happiness.”

She looks back on her relationship with Sana and realizes, they’ve come a long way. Back then, Jihyo couldn’t help but make an exception when it comes to Sana. There’s something she couldn’t put her finger on.

The only times she could confront her embarrassed feelings was when boosted with alcohol. With this, she could also excuse herself of unconsciousness.

_“You’re not going to do it? I’m gonna cry!”_ As what Jihyo had been drunk blabbing about and Sana teased her about it the morning after.

Those were the days when things were light and fun.

“I’ll ask affections as a sober from now on”, Jihyo gets up. Her hand caresses Sana’s crown and says before heading to bed, “I’m giving you what you want.”

As her partner walks farther, Sana mutters “Sober from alcohol.” Jeongyeon who’s nearby getting the organic food gifts for Momo tells Sana, “That too isn’t helping, is it?”

“It seems”, Sana sighs.

Jihyo is sober only from alcohol. That’s the most she could do for now. She sits on her bedside drawing out from a box and gets some. She’s taking meds. As doctor prescribed to ease her from depression and anxiety.

_I thought ceasing the rebellion would lead to peace. I couldn’t hide it, can I? The fact that I’m still- scared and suffering._

13th of November. The girls seem to lack sleep but had to get up for the day’s schedule.

Nayeon pushes herself without caring any longer how she looks, as long as she makes it. Momo who admires her unnie’s resolve wants to remember this moment. She takes a photo just when still sleepy Nayeon comes out of the front gate.

The unnie is still in her pajamas with newborn kitten eyes behind scruffy hair covering her face. Momo posts this in Twicetagram. Later on, she also shares the birthday gifts she received.

Momo asks Jihyo, “Will this deter the stalker from liking Nayeon-ie more?”

“Err, what do you think?”

“Kyeowo~”

There is awkward silence. Jihyo just stares and blinks at Momo. In which, the latter gets her answer. Jihyo states, “Honestly this is beyond me. No other directives yet. Could we do this later?” She walks ahead before they could annoy each other again.

Momo had convened with Jihyo. But the leader could only inform the managers. Momo sighs, “Why is unnie pretty even when unkempt?”

First thing in the morning, the girls are scheduled for dress and costume fitting for December events. Jeongyeon initiates a talk with Jihyo by suddenly appearing to her face, “It’s still reddish. Stop the mobile games already.”

“You know it’s not from the games.”

“That’s what Once think.”

Jihyo pans to the mirror checking the fit, she keeps the conversation “Tell me what else people think?”

“Regardless. Regardless of what people think. You’ve let go. You’re unbothered. Aren’t you supposed to be living well now?”

“Thought I could live with half the truth and just ride on half the lie. But what people think really bothers me. What do they think upon reading that I drive to the guy’s house?” Jihyo does her best to hold tears, “Sorry.”

Jeongyeon pats her best friend trying to appease her, “Remember what Chaeng said, we’re always here.” Jihyo nods.

She continues, “I get it that you don’t wanna fight actively anymore. But just so you know, I find rebel Jihyo the healthiest. Talk it out, open up. Not for the rebellion but for you- To live your whole truth.”

It’s almost 9 in the evening when the girls got back. Jihyo feels like using the Vlive chat and talk to Once. As it’s without camera, she becomes more comfortable in communicating.

[This is fun. I will come here often. I’m thinking of doing league of legends so find me.]

[And the thing I wanted to tell was that my eyes are not because of the game. I got eye inflammation and other infection. Thats why.]

Seems anything new to Jihyo becomes topic. Her red eye has been seen before flying for Twicelights Osaka. For the sake of truth, Jihyo patiently explains. As for things she likes, she’s more than willing to spill.

[Sana phone finally succeeded. And I change my exercise. I’ve tried flying yoga yesterday. And what I did today, I practiced choreography for MAMA! And I didn’t dye my hair for a comeback. It was my wish.]

[I’m trying to grow my hair. Wait for 3 years if you want to see. Why whats up with 3 years? Don’t you guys remember what Sana said in the fanmeet? We will be around for long]

[I told that it would be good, a good idea to do Taxi cover and tell Once not to request anymore. Sana I’m waiting for it too <3]

[ah Once wait for me 5 minutes.]

[I came back. My parents came to give winter blanket. I went home the day before yesterday and talked a lot. **I go home often!!**]

“What do you think of me?! Dispatch is wrong! Told you to look at me, look at us!” Jihyo feels the need to reiterate her truth typing in HER actual behavior by HERSELF.

Unfortunately, her own words wouldn’t amount to anything compared to the companies where big people allow and confirm the untrue. She can only rely to the people who know her well.

[I did say humans are the scariest. But oppositely, if you meet the ones that can be good friends then it will be another way to get happiness.]

[I watched alone Frozen in my bed. I cried a lot. I don’t know why I have so much tears. And last time with members, that movie Exit. It was really funny. We should watch movies together so that we laugh together. I think I laugh a lot thanks to our members.]

[Once, if we’re doing a reality show, what do you want us to do? I really want to do things like going to houses in the countryside. I want to live one month in these places.]

[it feels like we are really texting with these typos :p what time do you wake up? It’s around 6 am for me. I should go take a shower before 11pm. It’s my habit to wash when I come home]

Going above and beyond to share too much info. Jihyo is willing to bare her most natural self. She’s not expecting to be understood. She puts it out there for the sake of her sanity.

[Anyway. The reason why I came here all of a sudden is because today’s weather is cold. It rained and everyone must have been tired. Let’s fill our life with all the good things without concerning bad things. Our Once and Twice, let’s cheer up!]

She bids goodbye that seemed a projection of her own cold pain. And that she’s trying to cheer herself up and be filled with the good as she’s currently overwhelmed by the bad.


	19. Winter Sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1.) 191411 Vlive  
2.) 191511 Twice Gimpo  
3.) 191611 Twicelights  
4.) 191611 Vlive

“Oh look, aren’t we the restless line?” Chaeyoung says when she notices herself together with Momo and Jihyo, the members who are lacking quality rest.

“O- But when we talk to Once, we’ll be okay” Momo mutters while running in only 4 hours of sleep.

“Sorry, I think I couldn’t. I’ll just sleep. It’s too tiring.”

Momo is the first to finish shooting. Upon entering the van, she set her phone along with Tzuyu’s gift. It’s a mobile camera stand with lighting aiding Momo’s vlog inclination. Chaeyoung follows minutes after, she settles on the side and sleeps. Jihyo arrives last.

Twice divided into units and had schedules in different locations since sunrise. It’s already late in the afternoon when the restless line left from the location in Incheon. While heading back to Seoul, Momo thought of going Live.

“Jihyo say hi!”

Chatting to Once last night cheered Jihyo up that she’s in for another encounter with Once. This time with the camera on thru the Vlive, “I became so close to Once yesterday. I was sending messages with Once for about an hour yesterday.”

Momo detaches the vlog tool and hands them to the leader so that the latter could talk to Once and get close again. But, Jihyo can’t seem to fix it and put to her side.

Momo nitpicks her puberty twin as the tool is returned and refocuses back to her, “This is the reason why you can’t get close to Vlive. You have to get close, like me.”

“You’re not allowed to talk about the shooting”, Jihyo claps back as heard in the background.

“I didn’t say anything. We just had a schedule. They can already tell that from my face.” Momo is dolled up with hair hardened from sprays.

“They might just think it’s a concept for the Live. Like a relaxed look but pretending to be busy.”

“Okay then, let’s go with that.”

As they go on, Jihyo shares a little trivia about the day’s national event—the CSAT (College Scholastic Ability Test). She then sends words of wisdom for the exam takers to do their best.

However, life still depends on the individual. Jihyo cites their road manager as an example who had Control Automation major. Yet, he ends up driving around for Twice contentedly.

Jihyo asks the manager for some interview tips for those who are also aiming to work for the company. He says “First of all, sincerity is the most important” and goes on to give other tips “Bring a concrete plan. A future-oriented approach would be effective.”

Jihyo then asks Momo to summarize what’s said. But she’s “Sorry I wasn’t paying attention.”

Momo turns it back to Jihyo who’s also not fully paying attention. Nonetheless, the leader tries to remember “Ok, sincerity- Sincerity is important. Because, people shouldn’t lie. Can you lie? No. So, sincerity is important. Be sincere. ‘Why do I need this job?’ Explain it to the interviewers.”

“That’s the tip for those who want to become staff. But it may be difficult for Once.”

“If Once join, they might quit being Once.”

“Right. They will know too much about us.”

“We are ordinary…” Jihyo says then Momo continues, “We are just ordinary people.”

While these two are noisy, Chaeyoung on the side is asleep. Momo wishes the maknae to have good dreams, "Jalja Chaeyoung-ah~"

“She sleeps well no matter where. I envy her. I had weird dreams lately", Jihyo is indecisive of whether to talk about these. She ends up wanting to just share the stories amongst them in their chat.

“I look forward to it”, Momo anticipates. She then shares her sentiment on dreams. She says “If you don’t dream, it means you sleep tight. I dream almost every day… Jihyo gave me a present since I can’t sleep well lately. It’s a mist you spray on pillow.”

When they can’t think of other things to share, Momo reads comments. She notices “Many fans leave nice comments. But some leave weird comments, too. The way I see this is that people have different opinions. I understand that.”

“For me, they can watch or read things they like. Why do they spend time to find things they dislike? It’s a waste of time. I said this to Once yesterday, look at only good things which make you happy. Sometimes, it’s hard to be happy even if we do that.”

“Also, we need to think positively even though there are bad.” Momo then read out loud that one complimenting comment, “When did they grow up and be so mature?”

She banters again with Jihyo about this, “They think we’re grown-ups.”

“No, we’re still young. I want to stay young.”

“Me too. I’m like 14 years old in my heart.”

Someone asks about when is Twice’s filming another reality show. Jihyo says, “Now? Isn’t this like a reality show?” Momo agrees, “This is so real. Realer than a reality show.”

Later on, she reads “Please show Jihyo too.” Momo then passes the camera to the leader. After some time, they go on playing a little game. Simply, choosing from only two choices when time’s up and see if Momo and Jihyo matches.

Nayeon vs Jeongyeon: Jihyo laughs out and says “Let’s not do this.” Meanwhile, Momo proceeds to answer, “NaJeong!”

Summer vs Winter: 1, 2, 3! Both answers in unison, “Summer.”

Cola vs Sprite: Again, both answers in unison “Cola.” They play a few more and sooner end the Live as they close in to the dorm.

Jihyo prepares to shield herself from the cold for when she alights the van. She ponders, “Brr~ Hate the cold. Why does Sana’s name mean Summer when she’s born in a cold day? Is it because she would become bright and warm like summer?”

“You liking summer and then cola over sprite…” Momo highlights the play on words as Sprite in Korean is Saida.

“Is this another way of saying you like Sana? Very passive-aggressive, indirect as if indecisive. Very you”, Momo responds while keeping her phone and mobile stand.

“Even if I wanted to- I can’t say it now, can I?” In their fan meetings and Vlives nowadays, only Sana calls the other ‘jjakkung’ or ‘partner’ in public. Jihyo sighs, “Wish I had called her louder and often.”

The leader suddenly pauses and looks at Momo. She’s in doubt of something so she interrogates back, “How about you?! You have couple rings... Ah, best friends?! Tch, you also picked Cola. It’s Dahyun then? You say I’m indecisive when you can’t even pick amongst her, Nayeon, or Jeongyeon-ie!”

Just when the two seem matching and in truce, they start nitpicking each other again. Chaeng wakes up to the unnies throwing puberty fit. She shakes head while stretching arms “Ugh thank goodness, me and Minari only look at each other.”

Momo and Jihyo in unison, “You don’t!”

“Sorry, let me correct that. She’s pretty Mina who cares a lot and her name means everyone. Wouldn’t be surprised if she’s also looking at the others” Chaeng shrugs.

Momo hisses at Jihyo for ruining the newly awakened maknae. The leader wouldn’t take full responsibility as Momo’s in it too. So, she empathizes with Chaeng while still teasing Momo, “Sana is bright. Me as someone in the dark wouldn’t mind looking. Loyalty is understandable, Chaeng.”

“I understand it too”, Momo mutters and pouts.

“Yes, unnie. I know.” Chaeng believes her.

“You do?” Jihyo is confused. The van has parked. Pouty momo goes ahead as soon as they alight. “To whom is she loyal to?”, Jihyo thinks out loud and gasps on the possibility. “Seolma!”

Jihyo quickly follows Momo to verify her hunch. But it slips her mind when Nayeon directs her to see Sana asap. She hears her partner’s little cry. When she pushes the door open, she witnesses Sana lying face down with an exposed upper back while Jeongyeon is tending something on it.

“T-tell me what.”

“Uh, just some… burn.” Jeong tries to downplay the situation so as to not worry Jihyo further. But of course, she worries further.

“It’s not jUST. IT IS BURN! What the hell happened?” Jihyo starts tearing up as if also feeling the sting on her partner’s left shoulder blade. It was an accident. Or more like an occupational hazard.

Sana got burnt by an iron curler while being dolled up. That night, a pain that must’ve felt like hell had to be endured. In the morning after, she shows up at the airport on off-shoulder fit with hair swept to her right.

The second night isn’t much of a difference. Nonetheless, Sana would take any healing period she could get. Jihyo changes her band aid this time, she asks “How you feeling?”

“Sexy”, Sana says with a little giggle.

Jihyo caresses the skin surrounding the wound and plants a kiss. She tells her, “Does 2019 hate us?”

“Actually, 2019 loves us so much it’s letting us know that time is precious. And to spend it sincerely with the ones we like. It will be over soon anyway.”

“O- Before that, it’s your birthday.”

Sana nods at her. “2019 loves us after all”, Jihyo then lies down on her side. She then starts calling Sana over and over, “Jjakkung~”

_My light in this dark. My summer in this winter. Thank you for being bright and positive when I couldn’t. I’m spending my precious time sincerely with you._

“Jjakkung~”

“Wae? What are you doing?”

Jihyo shaking head doesn’t explain. Instead, she keeps calling. The next day after a Twicelights show in Miyagi, Jihyo wouldn’t leave Sana.

In the van while waiting for Dahyun and Tzuyu, Sana tells her “You could’ve gone ahead with Jeongyeon-ie.”

“It’s fine. I wanna make sure for myself how you’re doing.”

“I’m better now. Way better. So~ Go get some sleep.”

Dahyun and Tzuyu enters the van with a Live on broadcast. Sana can be captured as she’s right behind them. They read a comment, “Who’s next to Sana?”

Sana answers brightly, “Jihyo my jjakkung.”

Through the dim, Sana could see a faint smile. Her partner then faces the window, closes eyes to nap. Being able to call ‘jjakkung’ as much and be called back is satisfying. At this moment, Jihyo wouldn’t envy Chaeyoung as she too is able to sleep well.


	20. No Other Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1.) 191117 Vlive  
2.) Disney Sea Tokyo filming  
3.) 191120 Jihyo chat

“Go with Jeongyeonie.”

“Wae?! Shironde!!”

Sana tells her partner as she hints at Jeongyeon to take Jihyo away. “Yah~ S- Sana-yah? Sana-yah?!”

The blonde Japanese intends to protect her precious person especially since Jihyo is the main vocalist. And that they still have ABU Song Festival taping tomorrow. She’s fully aware how her partner is suffering in the mind right now. She doesn’t want to affect her body too.

As it seems, sleeping on exposed back in this cold weather must have gotten to Sana. Her voice is thicker than usual. She coughs and sniffs often barely making it to the second show of Twicelights in Miyagi.

Jeong pushes the leader into the van. Jihyo asks in doubt, “What are you two plotting behind my back?”

“It’s for your own good, idiot. Get in.”

Sensing how stern Jeong is, Jihyo conforms. The van is already occupied by Momo and Dahyun at the back, Nayeon is in the middle. She sat and mutes herself beside the unnie.

Momo the vlogger goes Live again. She sets it up with Dahyun beside her. However, they had to halt 5 minutes into the broadcast as they are being followed.

“Maybe because our lights are on.”

“Really? We have to stop then. Bye bye!” The two are prematurely ending the Live. Momo cuts it with while still donning a kind smile, “Don’t follow us.”

Momo reaches her hand out in front where Nayeon is. The unnie just pats her and glances for a bit assuring that she’s okay. Jihyo takes notice and looks over to Momo. The leader’s puberty twin pops her eyes and mouths “What?” at her.

Jihyo mayhaps have just found out something. She then proceeds asking their manager unnie, “Any updates on this situation?”

“Opseo.”

“It’s okay! I’ll protect Nayeon-ie”, says Momo.

“Why? What can you do?” Jihyo mocks her.

“Yeah, what you gonna do? Leave it to me”, Jeong butts in. Nayeon on the receiving end of these cool regards enjoying, “Oh~ Fight! Fight!”

Jeong laughs it off.

“Eyy, Jeongyeon-ie~ Don’t be shy. Just say it”, Nayeon cutely prods. “_I’ll protect Nayeon-ie_. C’mon, you’d probably look really cool.”

Jihyo is stuck between the unnies. She finds herself giving that disgusted crumpled face as per usual. Her thought for a comrade who could be hurting adds to it. Though they are rarely in truce, she feels empathy.

“I- am sleepy”, Jeong ends up just crossing her arms and faces the window.

“Ehh~” Nayeon pouts. Yet, her hand goes over Jihyo and finds Jeong’s arms. She keeps nudging. The latter grabs it shutting the unnie. Since Nayeon is one Jihyo apart from Jeong, she just rests her contentment on the 3-mix maknae’s shoulder.

Jihyo catches herself breathing in. She looks over again to Momo and sees her pouting. Dahyun has an arm patting her puberty twin. The leader sighs. Her supposed desire to confront her hunch is answered right then and there—it’s Nayeon whom Momo is loyal to.

_Each of us has their own hardships. Though we often talk back at each other, this time I give you my understanding. But since you are Momo, the positive Momo, I know you wouldn’t think much of it. That is the very reason you’d do just fine._

Twice has arrived in their hotel. As Jeong closely check on Jihyo, the leader could only wish Sana good dreams from the hallway. To which Sana responds with a smirk, “I’ll do that past midnight.”

“No fair! Rest early, Sana!” Jeong then opens door and shoves Jihyo in to the room. Door shuts. Nonetheless, the leader’s call can still be heard through it.

“This is Japan, Jihyo-yah. Sana leads”, Jeong makes a point. She receives another cue from Sana, which she delivers “The leader says good dreams to you as well.”

“Yah, where is your loyalty?”

“It’s with Once and Twice.”

Jihyo sighs, “Just- make sure she gets rest. Please.” Jeong eases when Jihyo with a short request finally gives in.

Sana wouldn’t rest at this moment. Knowing the recent Vlive suddenly ended, she feels the need to continue and hopefully make a better concluding broadcast for the night. She invites Jeong to accompany her.

“I’ll follow”, Jeong tells her.

Sana has also extended the invite to her best friend. But Momo firstly shook off her unrequited attention through a steaming half bath. She followed 30 minutes later while Jeong, with some food and drinks, arrived with only 20 minutes left into the broadcast.

The phone died, to Sana’s relief. ‘Cause their conversations were getting worse by the minute the Live had gone longer. Sana is wide-eyed in disbelief, “Jeong-ie talked about shit. Literally.”

“Well it’s truth”, Jeong shrugs and reverts the focus to the snacks she brought. “Who’s hungry?”

“Since you brought it, I don’t have other choice but to help you” Momo responds.

“I’ll just take a bite”, Sana says. Jeong makes a face.

“Not that you’re disgusting. Just~ If I eat a lot, I can’t go to sleep right away. And I have to rest asap” Sana explains herself.

“Oh~ Love really does things to people huh?” Jeong utters. “But like I said in the Live, _getting a few hours of sleep is okay. Death has eternity anyway_.”

Sana couldn’t fathom as to where this dark humor is coming from. With brows arching, she asks “mwoyah? What has gotten on to her?”

“What has gotten on to YOU? You’re doing this for Jihyo?” puberty Momo shakes head.

“Well, to be exact… I’m doing this for myself so that we could go out without coughing on her.” She raises a fist and says, “I only have tomorrow left to do that.”

To think, she can’t even rest for the whole day due to the song festival. For her, there can be no other day. Sana has a deadline. She wants to make it. Because the day after tomorrow is a time with Jihyo. It’s an official schedule, Twice films at Disney Sea Tokyo. But what better way to make the most out of it by a fun date.

The weather has been freezing. Thus unfortunately, Sana remains with colds. Nonetheless, Jihyo tells her “The song festival is done. So, let’s be happy today”, and takes Sana by the hand.

Time is precious. When else could they be together like this? This day, November 20th, Jihyo chooses happiness that she also chats with Once.

[Today we had Disney Sea filming. Can’t upload photo here it’s a shame TT TT TT. There isn’t any pretty photo worth to be posted on Twicetagram but Once are curious so I’ll post it heh.

I want to do a vlive but manager will have to come over. Everyone is tired today I’m sorry. But I came here to chat hehe. To me, this is more interesting. It’s really like we are friends keke]

[There’s something I want to eat so badly recently. Mild spicy rice cake with cheese, sausage, and glass noodle. Grabbing all together with chopsticks woowahh and put in mouth. You know what I’m saying right. It’s the feeling of owning everything in the world.

That fulfillment. I’ll get to eat after going back to Korea hehe. But after coming to Japan, I kept eating supper at night. I gain weight. I gained weightttt. But I want to eat. So what if I gained weight. You already seen it kekeke]

[I’m enjoying Youtube nowadays. I think Youtubers are amazing. There are so many fun things in this world kekeke but above all, Teudoongie is the funniest.]

[Our Japanese full album was released yesterday you know right!! If I were to tell you about the recording behind the scene. I can’t remember the song title suddenly kekeke Now I listen to it I think Sana caught a cold. Her voice, I think she caught a cold during the recording]

[Once do you like winter or summer? I like summer. Winter it’s so cold. Doesn’t it make you feel sad? Really, tears flow. Once, what are your dreams? You want to be our manager? Keke It’s too late.

Once but really, when we get wrinkles will you still like us? Wrinkles are not bad, just if we get older. Of course? Thank you. Sometimes I think about it a lot, that’s why]

[I’m starting to get sleepy. If you don’t see a reply, please assume I fell asleep. I already washed up and prepared to sleep heh. Since I can wake up late tomorrow, I think I can sleep a lot more hehe

Alright Once, you’ve done a good job today. Thank you for playing with me. Everyone, have a dream of eating rice cake with me. Good night]


	21. Midnights in Vietnam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> references:  
1) 191121 Knowing Bros recording  
2) 191124 Goo Hara news  
3) 191125 Twice at Incheon  
4) 191126 Asia Artist Awards

“Ugh, nothing’s really Insta-worthy” Jihyo sulks looking at her own as well as Sana’s phone.

“We don’t have your idea of perfect but this one is good.” Jihyo scowls as Sana points to some. “Alright but, Twice TV unnies may have captured something for us.”

Jihyo sighs and put the phones down. She turns attention to a Sana snuggling beside her. As Jihyo fiddles the other’s mane, Sana starts thinking aloud her thoughts with it “I’d like to try shorter hair. But…”

“But? Cause you’d twin with me?”

“Hmm, I’ll try cutting just a few cm. Also, I’ll dye it darker. It needs rest from bleach anyway.”

“I’d love that for you.” Jihyo says as she can’t help but smile brighter. She’s not a fan of blonde Sana. For her, natural look is superior. She urges her to open up “So, what’s the ‘but’ about?”

Sana definitely wants to look more attractive to her partner. But Jihyo would become one of the only two light-haired members along with Dahyun differing in length.

Dyeing her hair dark wouldn’t help a blonde Jihyo. A set of bangs to such flashy color essentially doesn’t hide her. Considering the anticipated grand year-end events are coming in fast. Everyone will be on them.

Sana tries to talk about her worries, “Just that…” _The world is gonna spot my Jihyo quickly and will look with prying eyes._ She misses her timing, not able to continue as a door knock interrupts.

“We’re back!” Nayeon is heard from the other side. She and Dahyun just got back from Korea for a quick show guesting accompanying JYP himself on Knowing Brothers. Nayeon hands them some gifts.

“Thanks, Nayeon-ie!” Jihyo receives the gifts when Nayeon suddenly holds her wrist. The unnie wants to talk to her.

Sana heard it and excused herself delaying the confrontation of her thoughts. Until it’s forgotten through busying themselves on Japanese music station guesting and with the team eventually going back to Korea.

As the days pass, however, the need to discuss and prepare for the inevitable is becoming apparent.

They are currently rehearsing for the Asia Artist Awards, where Kang Daniel is confirmed to attend. Add to that a heartbreaking news in the history of K-Pop: Goo Hara committed suicide just two months after her friend Sulli had done the same.

With all those nightmares, tears, and zoning out that even therapies and medications are not helping; Sana couldn’t stop worrying for Jihyo who’s been enduring both the hate and well wishes out of this whole fake dating thing.

But since they themselves are the only ones who understand each other, Sana asks the rest of the girls especially the 3mix unnies Nayeon and Jeongyeon to preside for careful thought sharing.

“Sooner or later, HE will be on a same event as us”, Nayeon says.

Upon searching the internet, Jeong confirms that “Actually he’s gonna be there on AAA. Maybe on MAMA too. Any plans?”

Sana finds Jihyo’s hand and whispers to her quick, “This is the ‘but’ I failed to talk about. With that blonde,” touches the tips “you won’t be able to hide even if you have bangs.”

To which Jihyo appreciated. But she says “If that’s the case then I’ll gladly let the world witness the truth. The truth that we have nothing with each other. There may be no other greater opportunity than this. I’ll take it.”

“So, the plan is ‘Be Yourself’ huh. I’m in!” Chaeyoung as the ever proponent of self-expression supports it.

Mina wouldn’t be able to join on this event as the audience goes beyond just Once. She’s still on limited public exposure. Regardless, she gives her two cents. “Just like everyone Jihyo-yah, remember that I’m here.”

“No more excuses”, Jihyo remembers Mina’s determination back in the Once Halloween fan meet.

Mina nods and adds, “No more hiding too.”

“We shouldn’t care about him. There are other more important things to mind”, savage Tzuyu suggests.

“Right! It will be our 1500th day!” Dahyun reminds them.

“Hing! This feeling again. I’m excited for Once! But nervous for whatever may happen”, Momo checks the state of her tummy.

It’s always easier said than done. Twice tried to go about their day as usual on Incheon airport wearing all black with respect to the passing of a sunbae. As soon as they land in Hanoi, the girls gone straight to the stadium. Other stars are also flying in in various times for their stage rehearsals.

Upon settling in the hotel, Jeongyeon and Sana checks on the leader by pestering her. It’s their way of shaking off the nerves that Jihyo may be consumed of.

“DON’T- “ Sana instantly confiscates Jihyo’s phone “Don’t read anything today, tomorrow, and until we leave Vietnam.”

“Is the world thinking all sorts of things about me now? Some Once making fun too?”

“Honestly, yes.” Jeong sighs. Then says mockingly, “The world is thinking you’re meeting up with him cause with busy sched, when else?!”

Jihyo huffs, head bowed down.

“BUT are you actually doing that?” Jeong asks.

Jihyo shakes head.

“And who are you actually spending time with?” Sana adds.

Jihyo looks up to them.

“While we’re at it, could we just kick our feet up, watch a show, and relax yeah? I heard this drama is good”, Jeong turns the TV on and browses Netflix. She selects a romantic drama.

The next day, Jihyo wakes up to a relaxed feeling. Thanks to her best friend as well as her partner beside her. Yet it slowly fades as the event deals with mobbing audience and technical difficulties.

Due to delays, everything is rushed. To a point that while some stars are still walking the red carpet, the others are already performing on stage. Moreover, the girls are seated at the most front. Regardless of hair color now, it seems Jihyo is set to be seen wide open.

On to Bonsang minor awards. As Twice is included for the Social Artist batch, they walk towards the podium and Jihyo delivers speech as she would.

“It’s such an honor to be invited to Vietnam and be able to receive this award. I think we’re able to get this thanks to Mina who gives us strength though she couldn’t be here today. And because our Onces are there.

Thank you so so much for always giving us such a large amount of love. In the future, I want to make many many memories with Once. Thank you, members, as well!”

The girls go back to their seats and the show goes on. As they would, they stand on their feet and claps on every artist called for other categories. Including when Kang Daniel is summoned up stage.

Just- with extra professionalism. All the girls’ eyes are on the monitor all throughout instead of the man himself, faces rather neutral. As in without smiles. This is just business after all.

Twice is second to the last in the lineup to perform. This particular Fancy + Feel Special stage is also extra. Extra serious bordering angry. Could be due to the troubles and delays. Whatever it may be, their eyes are piercing.

And the Daesang major award goes to—Twice ends the night receiving an equivalent of Artist of the Year, one of the most coveted prizes. If there’s any consolation that this tough day has brought, it’s this.

Nayeon leads on the speech, “Receiving the Singer of the Year award like this, I feel like time has passed from practicing while dreaming, debuting, and promoting. As much as it passed, I feel that the people around me have become precious.

Our 9 Twice, the Once who always support us, the staff who take care of us, Division 3. We’ll become a more solid Twice. Please look over us Once. Thank you.”

Nayeon gives Momo the mic, “Thank you so much for giving a big award to us who are still lacking. We’ll become Twice who is able to make Once happier in the future. I love you so much my members. Thank you!”

It’s then passed to Chaeyoung, “Though we can’t be here with Mina at this moment, we are together as 9 in our hearts. As much as we receive this award, we’ll release more songs as Twice that give you energy and give us energy. It would be great if it’s the case all the time. I’m always thankful, thank you.”

Lastly, Jeongyeon “In Korea time today, it’s our 1500th day since debut though there are many sunbaenims here. Congratulations to Once too. We’re returning today’s daesang to Once, thank you!”

AAA lasted almost 2 hours past midnight. Though this is Twice’s first award of its kind, just like the event, the celebration would have to be delayed and moved some other time. With an excruciating day trying to be themselves as they would despite the world’s judgement, the girls would rather rest.

Jeongyeon and Sana in Jihyo’s room again watching as much episodes until they drop. Sana is first to doze off. The leader’s best friend gets to ask something, “Weren’t you crushing on Nichkhun oppa before?”

“O, wae?”

“Nothing. Just- Wouldn’t it be nice to have such an acknowledging relationship like him and Tiffany sunbae back then? Wherein on award shows, you get to congratulate each other with smiles?”

“In a way, I already have.” Jihyo says as she has flashbacks of every MAMA awards with Sana behind holding her.


	22. A God's Harrowing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1) Asia Artist Awards  
2) 191129 Jihyo Vlive chat  
3) Twicelights Nagoya Day 1-3  
4) Melon Music Awards

Back to Korea from Vietnam. Jihyo didn’t want to be ignorant of public opinion. She could search her name herself but for the sake of her mind, Nayeon reads in lieu of her; serving as a bit of filter.

“_It’s good_ _they’re not using each other for clout_.”

“_Jihyo Daniel are very professional_.”

“Someone else is using them! …Duh, it’s business relationship. PEOPLE, it’s right in front of you—AND STILL DON’T GET IT?!” Nayeon couldn’t help reacting, “You must’ve REALLY been frustrated trying to make your truth known.”

“Are people born just yesterday? Are romantic relationships supposed to be ‘professional’? And what of the other celebrities acknowledging each other, our sunbaes? NOT professional?!” Jeongyeon is confused.

“Tell Sana ‘I love you’ in public already”, Momo suggests. “That would definitely end world ignorance.”

“I don’t wanna get her in trouble. There must be another way”, Jihyo responds.

There is this feeling of failure that brings about the need to work harder for truth and peace of mind. But they’re running out of ideas. And there isn’t much time to think in the first place.

Twice flies again to Japan the next day. For 3-days straight, Twicelights in Nagoya would take place. The last leg for 2019. As of now, Jihyo could only rely on methods she’s been doing hoping that someday, it would work. After the first show day, she goes to the Vlive chat.

[Once hi I was so worried for a second because I thought nobody came in]

[Oh it is fiery Friday. We set Nagoya on fire today too]

[You can tell I’m Jihyo right away? How do you know kekeke daebak my tone keke why there’s nothing about my tone]

[I’m watching When the Camellia Blooms lately. I started watching when I was in Vietnam and I’m at Ep 15 now. It’s so fun. Spoiler is prohibited. If you give spoiler, I’ll not chat with you hehehe]

[Ah I think I saw spoiler just now. Stop right there. I’m leaving]

[you knew I won’t leave you actually knew!!! Don’t pretend to be a fool. Always saying you are but not really. You always make fun of us]

_Once, you’re not fools right? Clout. Professional. The world does not know cause they’re not watching directly. But Once, you’re watching. So, you know what the world doesn’t, right? You’re not making fun of me like that, right?_

Jihyo shakes head swinging thoughts away, “Maybe it can’t be helped to have some of those everywhere. Even among Once.”

[because I’m sleepy, random words came out from me hehe]

[Anyway now we are, tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow having a concert and MAMA is coming. I can feel it’s year-end once we perform on MAMA]

[Oh the best thing I ever did this year? Well this year I don’t really know. I don’t want to look back]

[there will be more good events next year so I’m looking forward to those]

Some words aren’t said but something is conveyed. If only Jihyo could spill the truth in details. If only it’s not the company’s statement against hers. If only she had more power beyond being Twice leader.

If only she has full control of her life including her private life. What would she had done differently to not despise 2019? The year when she realizes precious love with her precious people.

[though there must be good things around, difficult times and bad things happen too. So I’m more grateful to the good things, they are precious]

[hehe anyways I’m here to say hello for a short while. Now I’m going to sleep! Tomorrow comes again. Bye everyone, good night. Have a good dream hehe]

Jihyo kept it short as she got the feel of the opinions, both of the public and of Once. She finds herself tearing up out of disappointment, “Just SOME Once? Why does it feel like MOST?”

“10 years training. 4 years since debut. And still Once don’t know me enough”, Jihyo tells herself. “What else do I do to let you know?”

Knock knocks are heard through her door. It’s Sana. Jihyo is reminded of Momo’s suggestion. Suddenly, she’s terrified “No. NO. Aniya! Not Sana.” Leaving the door unanswered, she buries herself under the blanket.

“Jihyo-yah”, Sana knocks again. Nothing. She scratches her now dark-haired crown and bites nails anxiously. This is what she’s been worried of. She sends Jihyo a text.

[saw your Vchat. I know you’re awake.]

She rings her upon no reply. Jihyo picks up in a few.

“Jihyo-yah”, Sana immediately expresses relief. Although a single response is taking time, she clears throat before speaking “Jihyo-yah? …It’s okay, I’m happy you picked up. Talking like this is enough. I won’t ask for more.”

Jihyo shedding tears has flashbacks on their Teudoongie Entertainment shoot. The girls were in an office work setting. Each was assigned to present a concept proposal to another. When the latter agrees, she then signs the proposal.

While most had proposed their signee to dance, Sana didn’t ask Jihyo anything. Just her signature. Sana simply stated the following “_Since we’re partners, I want you to say ‘Sa-partner’ I’m done signing’ when you sign the proposal_.”

When Jihyo read it, her brows curved and was taken aback. She was expecting Sana would ask something. And she’s ready to do anything! Disappointed, she turned her down and asked to revise the proposal.

Sana would be completely satisfied with just the signature. So, instead of asking from Jihyo, Sana was more inclined to GIVE. She said, “_I’ll give you some. From mine, uhm… 5%?_”

Of course, the leader wouldn’t sign it. Desperate, Sana made use of aegyo cuteness to charm her intimidating partner. Whipped, Jihyo finally signed and even recited the words to Sana, also with aegyo.

This memory makes Jihyo’s lips arch to a weak smile despite choking up. Sana continues, “You know my birthday… it’s next month but I’ll make a wish now.”

“Sana, don’t. Don’t waste it on me”, a now nasally Jihyo halts her knowing that Sana’s wish would somehow be given to her.

Sana senses how much Jihyo must’ve cried. One hand grasping the door and the other feeling her uneasy heart, she asks “Why? We’re partners. That’s what partners do, wish all the good things for the partner…”

Jihyo puts palm over her mouth covering it in attempt to drown her cries. _Please don’t charm your way again. Don’t make me weaker than I already am. As of my state, how can I protect you? How can I protect us?_

Jihyo couldn’t handle it that she hangs up. To Sana’s shock, she barrages the door with knocks and calls. She lands just a few as the door suddenly swings open. Sana pushes through quickly enveloping Jihyo.

“God, thank you.” Sana mutters.

“You can go back now”, Jihyo says. Sana is reluctant to let go. So, Jihyo tells her “I won’t go anywhere, promise. I may not be the best in keeping them but, I want to fulfill yours. AND I WILL.”

“Don’t do things by yourself. We’re partners! We’re supposed to-”

Partners. As a leader who fulfills responsibility, Jihyo herself knows the weight of such term. She unties herself from Sana’s grasps.

Sana begs but she’s hushed by Jihyo’s soft kiss.

Jihyo nods and tells her, “It was me who’ve decided to keep liking you. The consequences are not easy but, I’m happy. I don’t wanna drag you into the issues surrounding me. So, let me figure something out.”

She places hands on the other’s shoulders and braces with all her strength. With everything she got, Jihyo pushes Sana out the door. Sana sulks at the sight of the door shutting. She snaps out of it when Chaeng bumps into her along the hallway.

“You did what you think was best. Tomorrow let’s do better”, the brilliant rebel maknae says. Sana concedes with a sad smile.

Second show day, 30th of November. Jihyo is still drowning in tears, consumed by the public opinion. Indeed, she is professional being able to continue functioning despite. But in some moments, it just gets to her.

After a segment, a time for costume change, she came up the stage later than the others. Some audience witnessed and took their worries to Twitter—it’s apparent that Jihyo cried.

For Once, it is shocking. They are so used to seeing smiles. And since the fandom in general has a fair reputation, they didn’t want to assume nor question anything. Unfortunately, doing so becomes part of the problem.

Nayeon browsing phone warns Jeongyeon and Sana, “Don’t let Jihyo see these. She’s trending and FOR WHAT?!”

Jihyo is up on the search list but the contents are of Kang Daniel in Melon Music Awards. The world adores JihyoXDaniel so much, the names have become inseparable as people talk about them even when they are literally apart.

Assumption can be a gateway to empathy and understanding. Without it, discussion is avoided. Status quo, no matter how misinformed, thus remains. The world enjoys this creating buzz that is blinding and deafening. Seen and heard these opinions, Jihyo suffers even more.

Sana is in front of Jihyo’s room door once again. Blankly staring as opposed to anxiously calling compared to yesterday. Someone comes up to her. This time, it’s Mina. “It’s really bad today, it seems. Chaeng is sick. I’m filling-in for her again tomorrow.”

Sana sighs. She finds herself envious of Mina being able to do that for Chaeng. She says “I wanna do something for Jihyo too. But what? Even if I tell her ‘I’m always here’, at the end of the day she’s gonna face it alone.”

Mina shakes head and says, “Wait for her. That’s what.”

“Hmm?”

“Just like how you girls and Once have waited for me, wait for her too. She’s finding her own strength. She’s not the most decisive among us, it will take time. When she figures it out, she’s gonna come back in full.”

Mina speaks wisdom from her current situation though she’s still in the process of becoming whole again. More than anyone else, she knows what Jihyo is going through.

The last Twicelights show for 2019 is emotional, baffling Onces yet again. Twice is 9 but tonight, there’s only 8. Two of them having to brave standing on stage. Exhausted, the girls are physically and mentally broken.

They hold each other’s hands as tears trickle.


	23. The Proposal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1) Twicelights Nagoya  
2) Chaeyoung GQ Interview  
3) JihyoXDaniel DISPATCH report  
4) 190805 Daniel fan message  
5) 191203-04 Daniel alarming  
6) Konnect announces hiatus  
7) MAMA Nagoya 2019

“Sucks I wasn’t able to go.”

It was the last Twicelights for 2019 where they could’ve performed completely. Time is precious. The girls would dearly miss Mina once again as she couldn’t join the massive year-end events happening next.

Chaeyoung turns to Mina and places hand on the other’s thigh, “You didn’t overwork though, did you? I’m sorry, Minari.”

Other than her long-time knee injury, Mina sprained her foot from catching up to the recent choreographies before the Nagoya shows.

She waves her hand no, “Walking doesn’t take work and I sat thru choreos. Thankfully, Nayeon-ie and Jeongyeon-ie played with me on our unit stage. It didn’t feel daunting.”

“We’re really like family now”, Chaeng says.

“At times, even more.” Mina agrees. She recalled Chaeng’s GQ interview and realized how much wisdom this maknae has. “As you’ve said, it would have been difficult going through it alone. Honestly, if not for everyone I would’ve…”

Chaeng hushes her, “Don’t say~ It wasn’t the case. You’re not alone and will never be! I, for one, won’t leave you.”

Mina leans onto the maknae’s shoulder, “Thank you for being patient with me. This time, it’s Jihyo who’s facing her anxieties. You’ve also said, there’s 9 of us who understand each other more than anyone. Right?””

“Gurae. You found strength. Jihyo unnie would too”, Chaeng pats Mina. “She has us. And particularly…”

Mina nods with an empathic smile completing Chaeng’s thought, “…There’s someone waiting for her—Sana, whom Jihyo can depend her worries with.”

Twice, this time, didn’t fly back to Korea. A sound decision as The Mnet Asian Music Awards, which will also be held in Nagoya, is in 2 days anyway. Enough breathing room to recover, prepare, and meditate if they must, instead of wasting energy going back and forth.

While rehearsing at the dome, Jihyo wobbles at the sight of the seating capacity. _There will be 50,000 people here who would look at me believing the news that I’m some desperate girl crazy to meet up and drive to him._

Her breathing becomes erratic. _No matter how I send messages, no one understands. No one notices the truth. And if I tell more in details, it would be me against them. Ottoke? What do I do?_

Sana catches her from behind. The dark-haired Japanese squeezes and caresses the leader’s arms. She mouths to the other’s ear, “Jihyo-yah. My Jihyo, WE are here with you. This moment right here is precious that nothing else matters.”

With eyes closed focusing on her partner’s calming words, Jihyo nods. Then, she reaches to the other’s hand, takes them off, and proceeds to her blocking spot.

Jeongyeon sees this off vibe between the two so, she offers help. “So~ Do we invade her room again?”

“Aniya”, Sana tells Jeong. She doesn’t sulk at her partner as she expects that this is what it takes to wait for Jihyo.

Back in the hotel, Jihyo heads straight to her room. Sana who’s behind following the leader sees the door shutting at her face again. She pauses and thinks for a bit before sending a text.

[lets watch Camellia Blooms?]

But Sana suddenly finds it tacky. So, she erased it and types another.

[please don’t catch cold. good night <3]

Sana breathes out, relieved as she has done what she could for the day. And this time it seems, it’s paying off. Just as she’s about to walk away, the door clicks open. Sana turns around wide-eyed.

Jihyo clears throat before telling her, “Hug me then.”

The anxious leader is cuddled to sleep. She badly needs Sana, her saving grace, to rest and be able to face thousands tomorrow. Before drifting to dreams, Jihyo mumbles. Her birthday message for Sana last year, “My partner~ Thank you for always being with me.”

Jihyo has such precious people with her. Yet, there are moments that gets the best of herself when consumed by opinions. The thing is, she’s not the only name written on the news.

They woke up to the leader’s phone ringing. Jihyo grunts upon seeing a call from manager, she wouldn’t answer that she rather bury her face to Sana’s neck. Since the issue, it’s become nerve-wracking to pick up manager’s calls first thing in the day.

Seconds later, Sana’s phone rings. Still the manager. The Japanese picks up instantly, thinking she’d be asked to lead on promos as usual when in Japan. But it wasn’t the case as she’s told, “Sana ssi, please put her on the line.”

“Huh? Okay~” Sana turns to loud speaker and prods her partner. Jihyo turns away to the other side. Sana spoons her getting the phone close. The latter doesn’t have much choice but to speak.

“Yeoboseyo?”

“Jihyo ssi, just to let you know… Kang Daniel halts promotions.”

To their shock, both Sana and Jihyo sit up abruptly. The manager adds, “Konnect has stated they’ll turn their focus on treatment as he suffers from Depression and Panic Disorder that have gotten severe recently.”

Kang Daniel. The other name written on the news. Just like what Chaeyoung had pertained to, it must’ve been extremely difficult to find strength alone such as the case in a one-man band.

Having a girlfriend would lend strength. There’s someone to whom you can depend your worries with; someone who’d understand who you are, what you do, and what you go through.

But what good is it for if it’s only on paper? It’s horrible and it shows.

\---

“Tell me again, what good will this do?” Daniel holding onto a non-disclosure agreement turned to his advisor.

Clears throat, “You’d finally claim independence from LM.”

Daniel had been on court hearings versus his former agency. It seemed endless. Signing these papers would definitely turn the tides to his favor. If only it wouldn’t risk his fanbase. A looming effect of being involved in dating news.

Thus, he expressed reservations “I’m literally building from the ground up. What CEO would risk this? I’m sorry, I’m not your guy.”

But what other choice was there? In front of him was an agent waiting for his signature. The ominous man reiterated Daniel’s situation.

He said, “You’re the perfect guy for this. We didn’t come here not knowing what you needed the most. LM is under CJ.” He sniggers, “It’s foolish to think you can do it alone.”

CJ is a generational chaebol. It’s one of the biggest, most influential conglomerate groups that founded the capitalist Korea today.

Felt helpless, Daniel gulped at the magnitude of things. But if the ones who sent this guy could go up against CJ, what monster is he dealing with? He sizes things up asking “And if I don’t sign, what then?”

“The government will cease and take your assets”, said with a flat smile. He then added, “But you’re a good boy, right? You won’t let that happen. Besides, no need to worry. The girlfriend we’ll give you fits your style.”

The young CEO gritted his teeth mustering courage to offer some counterproposal. “I- don’t have much choice, do I? But you need ME on this. At the least, satisfy one condition—the timing, not on my debut.”

The man nodded triumphantly, “Of course. We’ll still have to come up with the photo evidences anyway.”

August 5 then came the news. The advisor got his hands on his temple aching of how the photos turned out, “Who the heck would believe these? Mere photos of cars. Not together in one frame. And this wide shot, a blurred side profile of a supposed Twice Jihyo? IT’S WHACK! We’re doo-”

CEO slammed the table.

“I’m doomed”, Daniel said as he was reading the words. He further expressed disappointment, “What did they make me out to be? No one should believe it!”

What Dispatch wrote that triggered him the most was, “_The two relied on each other for support during their recent hard times_.”

It was an outright disrespect to both his and the fans’ hard work. Daniel then took it to his fan café and make that truth known.

“Hello. This is Kang Daniel.

First of all, I’m really sorry to everyone who may have been very surprised when they saw the sudden news this morning.

You may not have been able to focus on anything and I’m worried that I’m writing to you too late. I’m sorry I couldn’t say it beforehand and talk here in a space that could overflow with words between all of you and me.

Truly a lot happened before I could stand on my own. Some were really tiring times. But what helped me then was **my fans rather than anything else**…”

Or more suitably, ‘rather than ANYONE else’. Daniel was keen to give credit to where it’s due. Clearly, that credit shouldn’t belong to Jihyo.

He concluded his letter to fans, “In order to carry out the role of taking care of the fans’ hearts, I will become singer Kang Daniel who always shows you a good image. I’ve always considered that the most important thing.

I’ve received so much from fans and I feel grateful. I’ll try to return more than that in the future. Tomorrow, I’ll become Kang Daniel who is better than today.

I really, really thank you for being together with me.”

Surely, thousands had remained supporting him. Publicly, that is. At the end of the day, whenever Daniel goes back home, he wrestles with the noise of judgements ALONE.

And just like a balloon taking in all the pressure for the past months, the young CEO has reached his limit and popped off on fan café with alarming messages:

**Seriously, I’m really**

**Daniel || 2019-12-03 || 23:43**

[It’s too much. I’m so tired. How can it be this hard? It’s been so difficult. Someone please save me]

**Everything**

**Daniel || 2019-12-03 || 23:52**

[The photos of myself kneeling after the end of Wanna One’s concert and the emotions I was feeling at the time has become a weapon to make fun of me.

How they edit everything that I do to make it look bad. How the music and performances that I love are being treated like trash. How the fans that I treasured are being ridiculed. How my family is getting cursed out instead of me. How it’s suddenly become a crime to say that they like me.

Just everything is really too difficult. The fact that I am me is too difficult.]

**Really **

**Daniel || 2019-12-03 || 23:58**

[Ever since I was a part of a group, I endured every unjust situation and all kinds of rumors. Even this year, and even just last week, I have been enduring it all and keeping to myself.

But I’m really just so tired. I’m really having a difficult time.]

**Really I am**

**Daniel || 2019-12-04 || 00:02**

[It’s come to a point where I’m afraid of the sun rising again tomorrow. I’m just afraid of any news report that has my name.]

**I Know Everything**

**Daniel || 2019-12-04 || 00:11**

[I know how everyone is cursing me out every single day. I know what words they’re using and the malicious comments they’re using to curse me out. I know how they’re judging my life by the couple of phrases and the false rumors. I know how I’ve lived my life. I have really just endured it all so much. Truly.

I’m too tired now.]

\---

A deafening silence ensues. Sana doesn’t know what to say to calm the negative thoughts that may be consuming Jihyo right now.

After all, the world that made the names JIHYO and DANIEL inseparable- will have something to talk about again.

Sana pulls Jihyo into an embrace.


	24. Anxiety Incarnate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1) Daniel messages & hiatus  
2) MAMA2019  
3) 191205 Twice Incheon arrival

_Out of all the days there is, it has to be today. A day when I have to face a massive audience._

The wind is breezing extra cold. Twice is missing Mina, appearing as 8. And DANIEL is trending worldwide. Expectedly in the comments, people are talking loud typing in their concerns. Not missing the opportunity to include JIHYO, of course.

_What now? What will they think and say about me? _

“Sana ssi”, Jihyo calls to her partner in a professional tone.

“Hmm?” Sana is sensing the coldness.

“Today… Is the time now—still precious?” Jihyo asks in a daze.

It was just yesterday when Sana spoke of securing words. Today, the same set is turned into a question becoming an expression of insecurity. Nonetheless, the validity of the question can’t be ignored. The noise is loud. The pain is agonizing. Her worries are suffocating.

_Is the time now still precious even when it’s cruel?_

Her best friend Jeongyeon comes in and snaps it out between them as the show is about to start.

[his Gf must be so worried!! ☹]

[Daniel needs Jihyo right now]

This is the noise that the world is making.

Even so, the girls strut on the red carpet as they would. Jihyo is at the far end trailing behind Sana and Jeongyeon. There’s no turning back. This happens today, not yesterday nor tomorrow. No time to breathe nor meditate. Showing up is the only option. Well, it IS better than hiding.

A little panning away from the camera can stir up comments. At least by showing up, Jihyo gets distracted of the punishing weather and the lady MC in an off-shoulder gown beside her freezing. The leader, even in her own current anxious state, offers warm compassionate hand.

“Hana, deul, set…” The MCs ask Twice to express love to the viewers. Sana and Jeongyeon fused their gestures into a heart. The latter encouragingly smiles to the leader. Jihyo adjusts accordingly.

Twice’s red carpet ends. One down, a whole show proper to go. Jihyo is pacing. Yet as soon as reaching the backstage, she excuses herself to the washroom. Sana too, falls out the line and accompanies her.

In the waiting room, the rest of the girls have their own ways to cope with this pressing situation. As the leader’s best friend, Jeongyeon couldn’t help feeling fidgety that she’s trying to downplay it by NoJam humor.

“Hah, my dongsaeng must be psychic! She saw it gonna lead to this crazy shit!”

“Ugh, why now?! Of all days!!” Nayeon blurts out.

“Well, Jihyo unnie has been suffering EVEN WHEN she has us. So, him breaking down so soon isn’t farfetched.” Chaeyoung shrugs.

“Yeah but, still. TODAY?! This is unbelievable”, Dahyun is rendered speechless seconding Nayeon’s sentiment.

“Dahyun-ie, it’s easy to be kind when you’re in a good place. In one’s worst condition, not everyone could be as considerate as Jihyo unnie.” Wise words from the most maknae Tzuyu. Certainly, with a tinge of savagery.

“Araseo, let’s give the benefit of the doubt then.” Dahyun conditions herself by saying, “He must not be doing this on purpose. I mean, he wouldn’t know the effect towards Jihyo unnie as there isn’t ANY communication at all.”

“Exactly. So, we don’t have the right to demand some courtesy of informing us. That apparently, the guy is already on the edge.” Chaeng presents her phone to her hyung with tabs opened to Daniel’s alarming messages.

“The irony of us advocating mental health since Mina. Then there’s him linked as Jihyo’s guy leaving such messages. Err, think I’m also gonna be sick.” Jeong murmurs.

“Not you, too?!” Nayeon says as she tucks hair behind ear, hands on waist.

This situation calls for team effort. The speeches of Jihyo, who’s distressed at the moment, are passed to Jeongyeon. For the sake of surviving this day, the unnie would want the rest to ‘get it together’. Nayeon, the usual proponent of chaos is now trying to contain it.

“Unnie, me three.” Momo is already feeling her tummy.

The oldest sighs as she sees their situation slipping out of control. Nayeon tells her “Mianhae Momo-yah~ But with Sana tending to Jihyo every now and then, you’ll have to be the one to deliver the Japanese speeches.”

What Nayeon says, Momo does. She does so without puberty fit. An attitude that challenges god Jihyo herself. Nayeon may not be the leader but she is THE unnie. For Momo, it merits her loyalty.

Show proper. Twice receives their first award for the evening. Jeong grabs the mic and goes for it, “One in a million! Annyeonghaseyo, Twice imnida!”

They notice another hurdle—the dome’s acoustic resonance. It’s difficult to hear themselves. Though a bit shaky, Jeongyeon delivers their gratitude. She even twirls while saying, “We will turn this award over to Once!”

_Once… Once…_

Each word echoes one after the other. And as the sound resonates, it’s lost to the loud crowd of 50,000. This is mimicking the worst thoughts of Jihyo from yesterday’s rehearsal.

How could Jihyo expect Once and the rest of the world to comprehend when their voices get drowned like this?

Getting chills and palms sweating, something within her is hurting. As much as the leader has to show up, Jihyo excuses herself again. When Sana is about to stand, she clutches her down. The leader tells her, “Don’t follow.”

“Wae?” Sana asks. Jihyo leaves without response. The rest of the girls turn to Sana wanting to know what’s up. But the Japanese is just as confused.

Sooner, Twice is called back up as they win another. Since Jihyo hasn’t returned, they receive it as 7. While cameras on Nayeon and Momo giving speech, Jeongyeon and Sana are at the other end gritting teeth to flash smiles. Momo with hand on ear struggles. The girls just laugh it off.

Returning to seat, Jeongyeon ventriloquizes “We’re doing okay, right?”

“Having to ask that doesn’t seem like it”, Sana answers. She sighs, “Jihyo is taking so long. She didn’t want me to follow. She’s dealing with it by herself.”

Nayeon sits beside them. The unnie gets to know of their worries. She then makes a point knocking them some sense, “She needs that much time. Seems she didn’t let you as it would make us appear fewer.

People are probably already talking about her missing. Keep smiling. This time, let’s become the distraction covering for her.”

They try to do so. Jeongyeon herself, however, is distracted of everything. She mixes up her lines and eventually becomes tongue-tied. Unnie Nayeon takes the mic saving Jeongyeon from the panic.

“Gwaenchana?” Chaeng turns to her hyung.

“I don’t know anymore”, Jeong waves hand while covering face as she laughs to herself. The girls brush it off as well by giggling. They have to keep going despite the chaos. They have to be okay even when their leader is not.

Twice receives another trophy. Chaeyoung delivers the speech this time. As the brilliant rebel, her bravery enables her to finish without trouble.

As soon as done, they head backstage and find Jihyo wrapped in blanket. They also notice that underneath it, she has already changed into the stage outfit.

“Jihyo-yah”, Sana bends down and clings to the other’s knee.

“You have to hurry up changing Sana-yah”, a calmer Jihyo says.

A little change in tone convinces Sana that Jihyo is gonna go back despite. Perhaps, this is what Jihyo is referring to. Her way of fighting. Park Jihyo, Twice leader, Sana’s Jihyo… has to return soon.

Else, people will have more excuse to link her name to Daniel. All their efforts in disowning the dating news though so far, a flop, will go down the drain. Most importantly, their stage performance is coming up.

Indeed, it is rehearsed as 8. But still, it is prepared as 9 as Mina made a poetic voiceover on the intro of this Feel Special RnB mix. In addition, there’s an exclusive dance break as they transition to Fancy.

Lastly, there’s a camerawork panning to 3 subunits supposedly having 3 members each. They’re already missing Mina. If Jihyo were to backout suddenly, a member will be all alone in a frame.

That’s gonna be Momo. All the more the leader wouldn’t want to back down. Other than being puberty twins throwing fit to each other, this formidable individual has a couple ring with her partner.

_The time now is precious _is engraved on it.

Jihyo gotta admit, there’s something to be learned from the competition. The stage now—there’s no other like it. So, for now, she is singing even though she’s having difficulty breathing. For now, she is dancing even though she’s feeling cold and wobbly.

Being with the girls like this makes her forget all the troubles that she’s able to show up for the rest of the evening. If only such moments of emancipation would last.

Back in the hotel, the girls are giving hugs to each other wishing everyone a good night. Sana asks Jihyo if she could crash her room again. The leader yawns saying, “Don’t baby me too much. I’ll be alright. I’m too tired to even worry.”

“O-kay then. You know, you may call me instantly. Right? For anything”, Sana reminds her partner.

Jihyo nods.

The next day, there are no calls registered. It seems the leader was able to sleep soundly. Sana breathes and stretches to a good morning. The Japanese comes knocking to her partner’s door excitedly, “Jihyo-yah let’s have breakfast!”

No answer. She rings her. It’s taking long but she’s waiting. Soon, their manager bumps into her at the hallway, “Oh! Sana ssi, you’re here? Didn’t she tell you?”

Hand drops upon hearing, “Jihyo has gone back to Korea.”


	25. Fight or Flight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1) MAMA2019  
2) 191205 Twice at airport  
3) 191207 Tokyo hi-touch  
4) 191208 Jihyo fall incident  
5) Knowing Bros w/ JYP, Nayeon, Dahyun

Back when Twice had gone backstage after red carpet, Jihyo excused herself as she felt like throwing up. Sana who had fallen out of line and followed to the washroom was patting the other’s back. Yet, the anxious was heaving nothing.

Sana brought both their hands under flowing water. She then noticed that Jihyo was staring at the SaMo ring. There was a question left hanging. _Is the time now still precious?_

She then gave an answer “Even now that it’s difficult, time is precious Jihyo-yah. As long as there’s time, we can hold like this. We can love.”

_Those beautiful words, I want to keep hearing them. But, I can’t- seem to…_

As time had passed every second onwards the show, the overpowering noise was becoming the new present. It’s becoming Jihyo’s reality. The beautiful words were turned into another question.

_Can we really… I couldn’t call you Jjakkung out loud. And when I’m mentioned, it’s not your name next to mine. Can we really…?_

No answers heard as questions were kept to self. The leader had gone backstage not allowing Sana to follow. Jihyo didn’t want anyone to see, Sana most especially, her most ugly—a silenced out Jihyo who, at the moment, could only produce hums of weeping.

The managers were rattled. If medicines wouldn’t suffice, how else could they help? Manager unnie asked, “You know it’s okay to rest. Shall I inform the others now?”

“No, it’s not gonna be okay. People will ask ‘why’. The noise—it will get louder”, Jihyo covered her ears. She expressed further, “It’s like THAT rumor. People are curiously talking.”

That rumor. The one pertaining to the sexually scandalizing case of Jung Joon Young. People talked of Jihyo’s name along with it. It caught fire and the media were so ready to create exclusive scoop. Horrified of the ambush at the airport, Jihyo cried on the way to check-in flight.

“This is worse. Since the public thinks I’m official with him, they’re gonna ask stuff I myself don’t have answers to.”

“Would you like to take a different flight?” The other manager thought of a solution. It’s what has been done with Mina. With Jihyo stressing on the possibility of recreating that horrifying moment, it was a sound suggestion.

Thus, Jihyo made the decision.

After telling Sana what transpired in the backstage, the manager notices she’s becoming blank. “Sana ssi?!” He snaps her out, “Sorry I thought she told y- Are you two okay though?”

Sana forces a smile and nods.

7 of 9 fly back together. At the dorm, Sana clicks the room door slightly ajar and Jihyo is there lying on her side resting. Suddenly, the lurking Japanese is tapped on shoulder making her jolt back. It’s Jeongyeon.

“Mwoyah? Get in there. What are you waiting for?”, she says.

“Uh, maybe she doesn’t wanna be bothered?!”

Jeong rolls eyes then pushes her, “You don’t have to say a thing.”

“No, really. I can wait”, The Japanese flounders wanting to look for a better timing. Yet, she isn’t able to deflect. Sana is pushed in.

_Whenever it seems she couldn’t be bothered, she always lets you. _Jeongyeon mumbles “Sana-yah, fighting!”

The Japanese immediately scrunches face, holds breath, hushing oneself. Carefully, she goes in to spoon her partner. Jihyo twitches then finds the other’s grasps. Nothing is said but something is conveyed to each other.

_It must have been scary, Jihyo-yah. You’ve worked hard and able to deal with it on your own. You’ve done great._

Unlike the ones sent to fans and the public, these messages are easily understood. Jihyo turns and snuggles closer. She tells Sana, “Thank you.”

_For letting me do what I think was best. Even if it meant withdrawing away. It’s been scary. Knowing you are there is a calming thought. I found myself thanking you again. For always being with me._

The setup dating taught them a lesson. That any moment could test their composure. Being linked without true responsibilities takes away their control over things. Jihyo was put at the mercy of someone else’s state.

Who would think that Kang Daniel, the K-Pop It Boy who’s supposedly having it all… fame, money, and the girl… Would express sufferings raw and consequently toss Jihyo to the spotlight?

No one knows what else the next days could bring. So for now, Sana and Jihyo hold each other. Each does so ever tightly because the future is uncertain.

Two days after, Twice flies to Japan for Tokyo hi-touch. Jihyo reappears with the rest of the girls at the airport. The wounds of the recent chaos are still fresh.

Yet, she has to risk experiencing a familiar terror in order to return to the customary protocol. To avoid worries as to why she isn’t walking with Twice. And to not attract further attention contributing to the noise. With that, Jihyo endures passing through the loud crowd along flashing cameras.

In the hi-touch event, team effort is still the topmost consciousness amongst the girls. They side glance, look over, checking each other’s backs. The girls see Jihyo carrying on but removed off the glint in her eyes. Again, with that Mona Lisa smile. She is, at the very least, surviving.

When the day passes and struck at almost midnight, Sana takes the initiative to go Vlive and read comments. Seeing the page scroll fast making it difficult to catch broadcast-worthy comments, she stays silent often.

“_They don’t read cause they’re already popular_”, Sana reads a comment aloud. She responds with a serious smile, “I’m trying my best.”

Sana always does her best. But if the comments are bad, she too can’t read it. It seems it IS that bad. Getting sense of the reigning opinion on them, Sana feels the need to be with Jihyo more than ever. Including vocally and physically out in public, if only the latter would allow.

Jihyo being sidetracked of woes, however, hasn’t thought of other methods. In addition, getting Sana in trouble is the last thing she’d consider. Lastly, arriving back to Korea that morning, she’d have to face an urgent concern—her uneasiness in airports.

To help her shut the noise out, Jihyo puts airpods on.

The crowd today is thicker, cramping the entourage. The path is getting narrow that the girls walk one after the other, like in a line. Jihyo is at the front, followed by Chaeyoung, Sana, Dahyun, Tzuyu, Nayeon, Jeongyeon, then Momo.

Noise and flashes. The leader looks down in surrender. She walks fast as if trying to get away soonest. As the crowd thickens, one of the fansites retreats. Unfortunately, bumps into a stool and lands along Jihyo’s path.

Footstep is caught. Jihyo has tripped.

The closest ones following behind witness the fall. They then rush in and save her. Chaeyoung clutches onto Jihyo on the right, Sana takes her partner from the left. With cameras rolling, Jihyo is seen crying on the way to the van.

The familiar terror repeats in another form. Tears of distress in public—it's precisely what Jihyo didn’t want the world to see. Yet still, happens. Another betrayal by a day full of uncertainties.

The only constant in her life—Sana.

As Jihyo cries, Sana pats her shoulder. Upon reaching the van, Chaeyoung lets the two go in. Sana first arranges the seat and assists Jihyo up. Following right after, the Japanese takes the seat next to her partner. While waiting for the others, Sana checks up on Jihyo’s wrists and knees.

“Does anything hurt?”

No words. Jihyo has kept crying instead. Sana then has also kept caressing the other, consoling as best she could.

Best friend Jeongyeon takes it to Instagram later that day. She reminds, “Thank you for coming to the airport! Everyone, be careful not to get hurt.”

JYPE too releases a statement:

“Annyeonghaseyo, JYPE imnida.

Today at Gimpo airport, an accident occurred when an artist fell down due to disorder and excessive photography. Following after immigration screening is officially prohibited.

If violated, banning from public broadcasting and other related activities will be enforced. All are directed to safety. Not only of artists but also, of fans and the general public.

In addition, please refrain from prohibited activities such as following an informal schedule. We are also reviewing legal actions on legally problematic cases. As an agency, we will do our best to ensure artists’ safety.

Thank you.”

Other than Jihyo’s falling incident, the company also addressed a recurring problem.

Stalking. It isn’t new in a celebrity’s life to have sasaeng fans. Lately however, Nayeon has been receiving desperate motivations. Leader Jihyo could only wait for instructions. It’s the top executive who mandates.

There wasn’t much time to meet with Wook Sajangnim. Thus, during standby, Nayeon took the chance when she and Dahyun accompanied PD-nim JYP himself on Knowing Brothers show.

“_CEO is also trying his best. He’s adding security staff to enforce prohibitions. As of now, there’s no other tactical proposal_.” JYP clasped hands and sighed.

Staff were heard advising the resume of recording. Heechul, as one of the casts comfortably acquainted to JYP and Twice, called them in. JYP got the heads up.

An idea suddenly sprung in the mind of the Producer, ”_Nayeon ssi… If worse comes to worst, I think you girls might HAVE TO consider an idea_.”


	26. Collaboration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1) Nayeon, Dahyun at Knowing Brothers  
2) Jihyo falling incident at airport  
3) Momo, Jihyo, Taemin collab  
4) Dec2019 Twicetagram  
5) Jeongyeon, Tzuyu at Ashfall premier

Nayeon pulled Jihyo for a conversation when she and Dahyun got back from Knowing Brothers guesting.

“_What a bad idea. Am I not enough casualty? And what will people say after it’s denied just months ago_?!”, the leader expressed apprehension.

Under her breath, she added “_We’re really looking like clowns now._”

“_I KNOW! Ugh, the worst idea in case of worst scenario!!_” The unnie lamented, “_We haven’t even recovered from what’s given to you yet. When will the higher ups come up with a better plan?_”

So far, there have only been similar methods. Thus, similar results.

And with the stalker desperately tracking the girls especially Nayeon, JYPE are bound to make desperate measures to fulfill its promise in keeping artists safe. Whatever it takes.

“Yes, I’m okay now… Thank you. About that, we- still have to discuss among ourselves. Please give us the reigns”, Jihyo just got off the phone call with the manager.

While Sana soothes Jihyo’s foot, the discussion between the unnie and the leader back then is opened to the rest of the girls.

“…The higher ups are asking us to brace ourselves once again. IF worse comes to worst, they’re suggesting to uproot and confirm Momo’s dating news this time.”

“Eh?” Momo is confused. But somehow thankful as she mutters, “At least it’s not Nayeon-ie who’s gonna be paired up.”

Which Dahyun hears and responds to, “Not Nayeon-ie. Perhaps, it’s gonna be dangerous for whoever the guy will be?”

The leader nods and continues “Based on initial investigation, the stalker is getting help from thousands who have given him attention. So, the attention needs to be shifted away in order to disempower him. All these while authorities track whoever is cooperating with him spilling our info.”

“Sucks it’s always due to a threat”, Mina is so done.

“O~ Anyway, my name had already been written before. It’s better than getting another member involved. And as long as I can do something for Nayeon-ie then…” Momo says nonchalantly.

“How can you say that? It’s NOT gonna happen. I DON’T WANT IT TO HAPPEN.” Nayeon is stern. She is usually Twice’s savior. Being saved this time and by such method, the situation doesn’t sit well with her.

“Maj-ja. If it does happen, it would really mean we’ve arrived to the worst point. I don’t like the idea. Another dating setup will affect us HERE again you know”, Jeongyeon pointing to her temple as she sides with the unnie’s standpoint.

“Huh, how to think this positively… Given more time than before, hopefully we’ll be able to handle it better than what we’ve gone through with Jihyo unnie”, Chaeyoung shares.

Tzuyu raises hand, “I don’t want it too. But at least, compared to the previous issue, we have good communication with Heechul sunbae. A sudden raw expression of struggle is less likely since, we can talk to him if he’s still okay.”

Communication. It is key in any kind of relationship whether it be romantic or plain business. Jihyo and Momo have gone to SM Entertainment. Other than rehearsing for their dream collaboration with Taemin, the two would want to personally discuss with Heechul.

“I feel bad towards this favor. There’s a reason why I have never revealed anyone in public. It WILL be difficult. Especially, Momo is one of my favorites. If we’re to be real, decisions all up to me, the more I’d want to hide and protect!”

Heechul tensely tells the two mains of Twice. Afterall, it is gonna be his first publicly announced dating. He certainly senses the impending doom upon them.

As a decade-long veteran, Heechul describes experience. He adds, “And since this is just gonna be a setup, it will be more taxing! The August article was too much to be honest. The ‘have been dating for years’?! There will be worse.”

“Mianhaeyo oppa that we visit you for a favor like this. And since we’re acquainted enough, at least we must aim to have cooperation uhmm… Mwonde?” Momo turns to Jihyo.

“IN CASE the situation calls for it”, Jihyo helps Momo.

“Oh Maj-ja! Just in case. Uhmm well, there’s this much time we could prepare accordingly.” Momo gestures her arms.

Heechul bows head in exasperation and says, “Araseo! Araseo! Let’s not hope it doesn’t get to that point. Since JYP and Twice have been great friends, I’ll do what I can. You girls, be careful. Keep me posted.”

Meeting adjourned. They bow to each other and go their separate ways. Momo then catches Jihyo looking at her thinking she’s being mocked. She glares back, “What? Wae?”

Jihyo pouts saying “Just so you know, even if we’re puberty twins, I would never wish you to be in the same situation as I am. I would rather encourage you to be with Nayeon-ie as much as you can.”

“Why are you suddenly like this?”

“I’m speaking from my regret. I couldn’t treat Sana like the queen she is. I couldn’t claim her the same way she does to me. You should do all that in case you will be written as someone else’s girlfriend”, looks down.

Momo rolls eyes, “You really are a coward.”

“Excuse me?!”

“Tell that to yourself. _Time is Precious_, Jihyo-yah. Regret is you living in the past. Do what you want NOW. Claim her NOW.”

“Easy for you to say. You haven’t experienced this”, Jihyo cuts the talk and walks away. Appalled, Momo trails behind demanding rebuttal. The leader pauses upon the other’s competitive call out.

“Dare! Watch me go spend time with unnie amidst all these. I’ll even flaunt about it. While you? I dare you to live now. You haven’t tried harder, coward. I DARE YOU.”

Momo walks her talk as later on, she spends the night at the Im residence. Nayeon is worried towards Momo for the company’s lack of a better idea. In attempt to make it up to her, the unnie caters to the dongsaeng.

“I’m still hoping for a better plan. For everything to be under control. You won’t have to do this anymore. Araseo?”

“I’m not thinking much about it, unnie. As long as we’re together.”

“We’ve seen Jihyo suffer. The possibility of being subjected in the same hell…” she sighs, “I don’t want it. I don’t wanna risk you.”

Momo sulks. _Ottoke? I’m ready to do anything for unnie. But this is making her sad._

Speaking of “By the way, how’s Jihyo? How’s the collab going?” Then Nayeon breathes in, suddenly slaps palm on head as she remembers the leader’s situation, “And Oh! That… With all these rehearsals for the year-end, will she figure something out?”

“She’s a coward. But I don’t think she’s dumb”, Momo mutters as she goes back munching on dinner.

Jihyo has gone to Sana. She has accepted Momo’s challenge. The leader too has only been doing similar methods: Watching dramas, video gaming, going to parents’ house, living with Twice.

Jihyo has been sharing her whereabouts to Once especially, in times she could be assumed meeting up. Despite that, the result is the same—the world still celebrates her with Kang Daniel.

Maybe, just maybe… disowning Daniel is not the way. The one method Jihyo hasn’t committed to—claim Sana out loud in public. To OWN who her real partner is.

On bed, the two are on their sides face to face.

“Make a wish”, Jihyo says with a smile as she tucks the other’s hair behind ear. The special day of her constant person is approaching.

Sana catches the other’s hand. Her thumb caresses before kissing it and backs at her, “Your happiness.”

“You silly.” Jihyo knows there would be no end to this loop. Sana IS her happiness. Taking the leap towards that one method, she tells her “We might get in trouble.”

Sana shrugs, “Together in trouble then.”

Inching for a week, the girls have worked hard towards their happiness. A devil, however, is working harder. December 18th—Jeongyeon, Tzuyu, and Jeong’s sister Seungyeon attend the premier night of the movie Ashfall.

Along the way, there’s a hand that’s desperately handing them letters. A foreign voice pleading for these to reach Nayeon. Sealed on it, “From JOSH”. It’s him! The stalker himself.

“Sorry”, Jeongyeon turns it down in an instant. Together with the others, they rush to their vehicle and left as quick. The girls are shaking. Jeong couldn’t calm her knuckles that she bites it.

She turns to Tzuyu and utters, “We’re at the worst point now.”


	27. Couple Statement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1) SBS Gayo Daejun 2019  
2) 191229 Twicetagram  
3) 191230 Nayeon message

The non-disclosure agreement for Momo and Heechul’s dating setup has arrived. The girls have signed one by one. Except Nayeon.

“We didn’t have something like this on Jihyo’s issue”, the unnie points out a difference.

“I- uhm… kind of dating. It’s half true”, Jihyo hold hands with Sana. “Just some- details are fabricated. Which, as Sajangnim told us, the agencies had arranged.”

“Details.” Nayeon tosses the paper, “I won’t sign this ‘til I see the draft of the article. If Market News aims to have better credibility than Dispatch, this is their chance to write sensibly.”

Jihyo’s phone rings. “It’s Heechul sunbae-“ She puts on loud speaker, “Yeoboseyo oppa?”

“Ottoke Twice-dul? At this rate, we’ll be reported first thing in 2020~ Sucks cause I already have plans. I’m sure you girls too. Seems I have to postpone my comeback now.”

“Mianhaeyo again oppa”, Momo has nothing else to say.

“Mianhaeyo”, same with Nayeon.

“We didn’t know it could escalate this fast.” Jeongyeon shares, “We’re really sorry.”

“Aniya~ I’m more sorry that you’re going through this. We can only do what we think is best. Let me know if you need anything.”

“Well there’s one”, Jihyo urges Nayeon to speak.

“Oppa, is it possible to make the report details- less painful?”

“You know it right, oppa? Dating for years- “, Jihyo reminds Heechul.

“Ah yes. I intend to clean our names too. Let’s just say we met up recently? Which is true anyway. By that, it won’t require comprehensive details.”

“O~ Thank you so much oppa. This is of great help!” Hangs up. With a decade experience, Twice trust on Heechul’s capability.

Even so, the unnie is upset. That time when Jeongyeon and Tzuyu stumbled upon the stalker, Nayeon was happily enjoying a fine dining with Sana and Momo. Red wines were poured. They raised glasses towards happiness.

“Why can’t we be just happy? I’m sorry to Jeongie and Tzuyu too. For having to deal with him face to face.”

“Unnie, it was scary. But at least it’s not you who he met.” Tzuyu hangs unto optimism.

“There will be less chance of encounter for the holidays. Make the year-end stages the happiest then”, Mina gives ‘hwaiting’ spirit as she will be flying back to Japan.

Before leaving, she hands the girls early Christmas gifts. Chaeng expresses the most delight, “Wah! Thank you Minari!”

Mina goes to Sana and Jihyo, “You two began the year as partners. Looking forward to see you end it courageously no matter what the world thinks. I wish for you to begin another year in deeper, happier relationship.”

Sana and Jihyo give Mina a hug.

“Don’t worry Mina-yah. We’re gonna make sure those two ends their year with a bang”, Nayeon says. The girls shoot her a look.

She exclaims, “Omo! I just meant, they’re gonna have a happy new year.”

“Bye.” Mina leaves.

The girls send their farewells. Nayeon waves hand. When Mina closes door, the unnie redeems herself “What? Aren’t you two have plans? Let’s support that. At least we could make progress on Jihyo’s situation. I feel helpless with mine.”

“Well, I thought we have. But it seems Sana ssi has something else?!”

“Thanks Nayeon-ie~ We just need everyone to be really pretty!” Sana laughs nervously. The unnie excuses herself giving time to make up their minds.

The Japanese then creeps in her arms back hugging the leader in tantrums, “Kkungi-yah~ “

Sana calls endearingly as Jihyo is Kkung in Jjakkung, “It’s just dinner. Like how you meet with others too.”

Jihyo, on her own, has been making extra effort in hanging out with friends. Somehow, she’s trying to stir questions among fans about the truthfulness of her private life.

Nonetheless, the leader is frantic knowing Sana would spend Christmas Eve with WJSN Yeonjung. So she snaps back, “Yeah but it’s different! And of all days, a special day?”

The Japanese charms her way, “I’m sorry~ It’s long overdue. Don’t worry. On Christmas Day, I’m all yours. That’s a more special day. And like we’ve planned, we’ll go out and make a statement.”

Of course, they would be together as Twice will be attending the SBS Gayo Daejun. Still, there is truth to her words. So, the leader let it slide. Jihyo can’t entirely hate Sana’s honesty.

In fact, it’s one of the traits that got her addicted. Jealousy may be triggered. But with her partner’s candid reputation, she could rest her worries. Jihyo can always count on Sana—her consistent, dependable person.

December 25th—Twice prepares for the red carpet. Six are dressed as pretty Santas. The other two are donning on reindeer onesies. While in the waiting room, Sana keeps on dropping something that she expresses a little concern.

“Yah it keeps on falling. What to do?”

“Mine too~ Oh, I have an idea”, Jihyo says as she hithers Sana to come up close face to face. Then, boop! Their red round noses collide.

Sana is flushed. She feels like they are kissing. It only seems that way yet somehow, she finds it warmer than the actual.

“Better?” Jihyo stares through the other’s eyes. She’s simply happy being with her partner like this that she smiles radiantly.

“Y-yeah. It doesn’t fall now”, giggles.

A clicking sound surrounds them. “Kyeopta!” Jeongyeon again is capturing their moment. The partners take notice and pose some more for the camera. Best friend Jeong notices something as well.

The eye smiles. The arches on the partners lips. The look of love. The happiness.

She reckons that it’s not her story to tell. So instead of posting the photos on Instagram herself like the prank she pulled before, she sends them to Jihyo.

Sooner, everyone gathers on standby as Twice is up next.

“Ready for trouble?” Jihyo asks.

To which Sana responds “With you, always.”

Partners resort to one hand in keeping the prop nose in place. Meanwhile, the other hand finds and clutches to each other.

The usual display of glamor turns into a carefree yet telling fashion statement this time. Those two who stands at the center aren’t just some reindeers.

The Japanese has a solid brown fur and is wearing an antler headband. The leader is in a white-spotted brown fur with her blonde hair parted and tied-up.

They are bringing life to Robert L. May’s classic creation through a cutesy modern twist. The inspiration from 1939 depicts expression and acceptance of one’s true self.

Sana suits up as Rudolph while Jihyo is Clarice, Rudolph’s girlfriend.

Additionally, in the story, Rudolph is a male. But if it was to be zoologically accurate—unless it is a young reindeer then, Rudolph is actually female.

Nevertheless, choosing any other of Santa Claus’s reindeers won’t cut it. Exactly because they aren’t colleagues. Hand in hand, Jjakkung partners smile for the world to see. That they are the true couple_._

_I am someone’s girlfriend. Today, in this more special day, I stand beside that person. This is my partner Sana and I am her girlfriend._

_ _

December 29th—Twice flies to Japan on Sana’s birthday; also, to prepare for Kohaku Uta Gassen.

Jihyo is pleased scrolling on her phone that she utters “Yah~ The photos came out lovely!” She used to have difficulty choosing as there was a lack of Instagram worthy photos.

Now, she's still having difficulty but due to the abundance of them. Her problems are getting better that she didn’t mind how oblivious the world is of their couple statement. It seems owning her true partner works better.

And since today is Sana’s day, Jihyo puts out another statement:

“Happy birthday to our Sana

Every year on your birthday, there isn’t a day that passes without schedule TT TT I hope you have a warmer birthday as we’re together <3 Let’s eat lots of delicious food later,

I love you”

‘I love you’ in correctly spelled Korean is _Saranghae_ (사랑해). On her Instagram post, Jihyo spells it as “Sharunghae (샤룽해).”

In contrast to the greeting for best friend Jeongyeon, “Sadunghae (사둥해)”, Jihyo uses the Jjakkung exclusive and more endearing way of saying _Saranghae. Sha _is from Sana’s Cheer Up signature _Shashashy _and _-rung/-ung _is Jihyo’s own touch to it.

Along with the exclusive greeting is a photo collection ranging from their Disney Sea date and the recent reindeer coupling. Specifically, the moment they were nose kissing.

Sana later on gratefully receives all the greetings. As for Jihyo’s, the Japanese goes to the leader’s room and asks “What are we eating?”

“I have a few delicious things in mind”, Jihyo says as she hithers Sana once again to come up close. Then, smooch—their lips lock. They are ending the year happily.

Meanwhile, Nayeon receives the draft of the supposed dating article as per her request. No fabricated photos and the words written are less painful.

As much as she wants to be happy for Mina and for Jihyo who had survived the worst of their struggles each, the unnie couldn’t as she’s currently facing hers.

In attempt to unburden her heavy heart, she prepares a Goodbye 2019 letter addressed to Once.

“I’ll give you this”, Nayeon has it too in typewritten text form “so you can translate it. But these days, are the capable Once can translate even from my handwriting?”

The unnie is desperately hoping this time that Once including those all over the world could get THE message. She continues,

“It’s already the 4th year-end with Once. How was Once’s year?

To be honest, I think it’s been a difficult year for me. Compared to other times, I stressed more, made more decisions, felt different kinds of responsibilities, and felt all kinds of emotions.

When I look back steadily now, the biggest emotion left are happiness, comfort, and sense of security.

What our members say about Once the most is: _‘But it’s okay because we have Once’_, _‘Because Once like it’_, _‘We can do it if it’s for Once’_. These types of words?

These sincerely mean we were able to hold on because we have Once. Despite us having moments of difficult and negative thoughts, I realized again how precious to have the members and Once. That’s why I’m really thankful.

Especially recently, I felt that Once are tired on the outside and inside. So, I wanted to give back as much I’ve received. But if we think about it, haven’t we had lots of fun and touching moments?!

Don’t forget these precious moments. Bring them with you so that in 2020, no matter what happens—**_Do not be shaken_** and let’s spend it happily!

To be honest, it’s okay if 2020 isn’t filled with great things <3 It will be fun and reassuring just being with members and Once 😊

I wrote down what comes to mind so it’s messy but thank you for reading this unorganized post until the end. Leave the difficult and complex things and let’s meet in a 2020 where happy things can be deeply remembered!”


	28. Masquerade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1) Twice Youtube channel  
2) 200101 Nayeon stalked in flight  
3) 200102 Momo Heechul news  
4) Heechul Youtube channel  
5) Golden Disk Day 1  
6) Twicetagram

“Jihyo unnie, you have dealt with more hardships than any of us can even imagine. Thank you for being such a brilliant leader for the last four years!” Dahyun says during an interview with Buzzfeed, the last article release for 2019.

Clock strikes midnight at Korean Standard Time, a video is published on Youtube. It’s Twice in the backstage of Kohaku! Jeongyeon, Chaeyoung, Nayeon, Momo, Sana, Jihyo, Dahyun, and Tzuyu greet Once a Happy New Year through an acrostic poem.

“Happy 2020!”

“Let’s last forever”

“Stop now~”

“2019 wasn’t easy, right?”

“Twice~”

“Wow we’ll get prettier~”

“My, my… Happy New Year to our Once!”

“I love you.”

They then gather in all smiles. Sana adds before the cut, “Happy new year!” As well as Jihyo never forgetting Twice as nine, “Mina too!”

As it is the Year of the Rat, Jihyo takes selcas with her favorite Rat person. Sana makes a peace sign, or more appropriately, showing ‘2’. Jihyo, on the other hand, gestures a circle showing ‘0’. Together, it’s 2020.

2019 has left Twice wounded but it taught them a lot. The girls wished to simply enjoy life but they realize that that too requires huge work. In hopes of getting a healthier outcome for 2020, they’ve been doing things differently.

Mina is taking initiatives.

Jihyo is owning up to her happiness.

And Nayeon is… allowing herself to be saved.

Broad daylight of January 1st—Twice goes back to Korea. During the flight, an unusual Twicetagram story is posted. Photo is by the plane’s window along with words of beseech.

_Please go back to your home. Please stop now. Please, I beg you_. Referring to the one causing a scene—the stalker.

He’s aboard the plane blending in with other passengers. Particularly, just a row seat apart from Nayeon. It was midair when he approached. Fortunately, the staff have stopped further desperate advances until flight touches down.

JYPE later states, “We intend to take all legal action of the highest level regarding this. Also, we are aware that artist information is sold and shared illegally. We will continue to implement measures to stop this.”

Measures. The dating news is on its way to be published. Out of fear and distraught for Momo, Nayeon is making promises to her. That she’d take care of her, help her out of it. And that she already warned Once about it.

“I wrote to Once. Told them I made a difficult decision. I wish for Once to not be shaken no matter what. In any case Momo-yah, unnie will make it up to you. O? Araseo? I’ll protect you”, Unnie embraces the dongsaeng.

The others can only sigh or sniff. Unlike the fit of anger during Jihyo’s news, they feel empathy this time. They’re plunging back to the hell they’ve been trying to get out of. And in their own volition!

_What path are we taking? We’re supposed to be artists. But with these many issues, we’re becoming more like celebrities now. _Jihyo silently sheds tears. She pauses a bit upon seeing Chaeng carrying pillows.

Chaeyoung notices that she felt the need to explain, “Uhm… I feel like the nightmares will come visit again.”

Without a word, the girls mirror one another. They’re onto their pillows and snuggle on the living room, wherever comfy. For Twice, bedroom doesn’t equal quality sleep anyway. It’s when they’re together that they find rest.

A new day has come. The article is up and the companies have confirmed. Jihyo grabs Nayeon’s and Momo’s phones. It must be experience that she’s the one policing this time saying, “Don’t read. Let’s get our minds ready and prepare stages instead. Shall we?”

Twice will appear in the Golden Disk Awards. They have 2 days to get it together. Reading the chaos fresh from explosion isn’t healthy. Besides, the sunbae too is taking cover.

Heechul leaves Jihyo a text,

[you might already know, Don’t let them read]

[I’ll be gone for a bit. Take care Twice-dul]

He has temporarily deactivated on social media including his Youtube channel.

Later that day, Sana is scheduled to attend the premier of Spies in Disguise with Dahyun. Before leaving, Sana finish watching a run-through of Jihyo’s modern dance. She applauds and says, “Wah~ Yeppeo!”

Jihyo sticks her tongue out and grins, “Shouldn’t you be going now? Might be running late.”

“I don’t know. I just feel like staying a bit to see some more pretty”, Sana says. The leader is sensing an emotional undertone that she heeds all ears to her partner.

Sana shakes head resisting the chance of tears, “Uhm… So~ It’s happening to my chingu Momorin. But experience is on our side now. I’ll- try to send messages to Once too.”

“Well, THIS is a message.” Jihyo takes Sana’s hand and caresses the SaMo ring. She adds, ”Only Once will be there right? Only Once can understand Twice. The moment they see it, they’ll know it.”

Sana arrives at the premier show in time together with Dahyun. It’s an exclusive screening for hundreds of Once. Before taking seat, they greet Once with hands waving.

Being extra in taking Jihyo’s advice, Sana didn’t wear any other hand accessory. Only the Samo band. What’s more curious is that, she puts it on her left ring finger this time.

On their seats, Dahyun whispers to Sana “Sana unnie, is the exaggeration necessary? Is Jihyo unnie gonna be okay with that?”

“She won’t”, smiles. “But it has to be done.”

Dahyun tilts head thinking she has seen that before. Then, she suddenly got chills on a memory of this unnie’s serious smile back in Twicelights Kuala Lumpur. The dongsaeng mutters “Ah, ye~ Let’s enjoy the movie then.”

The Japanese deems it necessary. They’ve been trying to send message since Jihyo’s news. Yet, how many even slightly sensed them? Let alone to actually comprehend. After all those times, Sana learned emphasis and intentionality.

By the time they have gone back to the dorm, Jihyo has already seen the press photos. The leader summons the Japanese, “Sana ssi.”

Looking ahead without a smile, Sana walks steadily and halts right in front of Jihyo. Seeing that familiar look, the leader changes tone “Sana-yah…”

She then raises arms and pulls her to a hug. Sana clutches back holding on to the other’s waist. Jihyo utters, “I’m supposed to be mad.”

“Go ahead.”

“Aigoo, what a bad girl~” Jihyo is half patting half slapping the other’s shoulder. “Maybe some other time in some other form. Rest for now.”

Meanwhile somewhere in the dorm, Momo gets her phone. In her head, she hears Jihyo’s warning. But she tells to herself, “Most people were supportive of her. So, it wouldn’t be that bad right?”

She unlocks it.

January 4th—it’s the Golden Disk’s Digital Awards. There’s a stark difference compared to their vibe during the Soribada Awards, the first Twice appearance during Jihyo’s news.

Back then, they were awkward as if avoidant and had little to say towards the Twice TV cameras. This time, only Momo wouldn’t talk much. Sana asks her after the cut.

“What did you read?”

“Didn’t read. Just- saw my photos torn and merch trashed”, Momo scratches and sweeps hair. She adds sighing, “We’re prepared this time. Nayeon-ie even sent message to Once. But why is it still painful?”

Sana later finds Jeong. NoJam hyung just came back from checking up on Chaeyoung. Her dongsaeng has bad colds. The Japanese informs her, “Once didn’t get the message.”

Estimating the scale of things, Jeongyeon shortly chats on V app:

[Please look forward to today’s stage]

[Jeongyeonie is sending messages]

Suddenly, she starts receiving heavy sentiments. She couldn’t believe what she’s reading from some Once. So, she types in:

[only Onces are here right? Lol]

[I came here to talk to Once]

[I’ll come back]

[Have fun watching GDA today~]

As Jeongyeon didn’t want to get affected by it, she takes a nap in the waiting room. The unbothered doesn’t care even when the Jjakkung partners are around being playful in front of Twice TV camera.

In trance, Jeong flashes to Chaeng as to why the kid would want to perform today despite being sick.

Half awake, she remembers the dongsaeng saying, “Even if I wrote letters, there’s no way to deliver our exact heart to each Once. We express through our stages.”

The kid rebel misses the red carpet but gets back in time for the opening ceremony. Twice is called up stage. They are wearing studded black skirted coat over white polo.

More notably, each of the girls is carrying a hand-held prop. That is, a masquerade mask. As if they have to put on a cover-up. As if things on the outside are false.

On their stage performance, Twice change to nude colors. As if they are in their own skin, their true selves.

Also, this time, they don’t have the masks. Instead, the girls take seat on the huge prop now which is, a carousel. As if they are going in circles, situations keep repeating.

They move out the carousel and on to the center stage. Unfortunately, things they didn’t rehearse start happening. The stage is slippery that the performance is ruined.

When the awarding is finished, Jihyo takes it to Instagram. “We worked hard preparing today’s stage but it was so slippery. It was such a shame TT TT Sorry to those who prepared with us. Once who looked forward to it TT TT I’m so upset. Let’s do better tomorrow!”

Jeong later approaches Jihyo and tells her of what she received while chatting with Once. “We’re being accused of insincerity. I was told we’re liars. That we’re not sincere.”

Sincerity. That’s what Twice has been banking on. It’s their currency. Everything they’ve said and done is based on sincerity. If Once wouldn’t accept it then, what would become of their value?

The rebellion, all the efforts of making their truth known, including tears and nightmares… What has it been for then? Jihyo wouldn’t let things crash.

So, the leader says “I’ll talk to Once.”


	29. NA Letters to Once

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1) 200105 Jihyo V+ chat  
2) Golden Disk Awards 2020  
3) Twice TV Golden Disk  
4) 200105 Nayeon letter

[Once hello~ what are you doing hehe]

[I’m Jihyo. How did you guess?]

[daebak just by looking at the message]

[hehehe]

“There are Once who know us very well. Maybe those who chatted yesterday aren’t really Once?” Jihyo utters.

“How can we tell? There were those who collected merch. Now, they hate us and wreck stuff. They didn’t know us. They didn’t understand us”, Sana shares.

“Honestly, is there anyone who did? Nonetheless, they were supportive. Not violent. Those aren’t real Once.”

“We have to find where the real Once are”, Nayeon proposes.

Jihyo nods. She’s on it as she says, “That’s why I’m using the premium chat now. Only real Once must be here, right?”

[the reason I came to V+ today is… yesterday, Jeongyeon-ie said there were strange people. so for Once not to get stressed, I came here]

[Once too must be having a hard time. I want to see you soon. We’re gonna have a concert right hehe… on March]

[I really wanna say this to you]

[all 9 of us are never insincere in front of Once. I want to say that we never did not cherish you. There are a lot of things we’re able to overcome because of Once. We wouldn’t be able to do anything if we’re alone]

[there’s a place where only Once is around. Perform happily on stage, talk to each other. I want to do that]

Stage. It’s the place where they are most alive as they can truly express themselves. Particularly, on concerts. As they know, they are surrounded only by Once.

[ah Chaeyoung is still a bit sick today too. But she’ll get well soon!! Don’t worry. It’s alright even if we’re sick]

[today’s opening… as yesterday is black, today is white!! It’s a hint kekeke]

[Once, can I go eat? Hehe. I’ll be right back]

Yesterday was a dark masquerade. They had to carry something external to them and put it on for a cover-up. Like how they were given the task to carry the burden of setup dating.

Falsity is difficult. Tzuyu had to tame her frankness. She almost slipped when she suddenly went off track her speech, “_I want to confess to our company’s Park Jinyoung PD-nim….” _

Sana, Jihyo, and Nayeon’s eyes widen. They were caught off guard. _Tzuyu about to spill something… What is it? Do we know of it? We thoroughly discussed the plan, right? This isn’t the proper place and time!_

But they were able to breathe when Tzuyu continued “_Our JYP father, we love you! Thank you!”_

How much longer can they put up with the mask? Tired and done, they intend to rid of it. To be cleansed off the mess and be free.

So today, they are in white. Nothing covers their faces. Nothing covers their true selves. And along with the dress, they each have a set of white wings as that of the heavenly angels.

For Twice, the stage is a place of sincerity and great happiness. Thus, in contrast to yesterday’s dark masquerade, today is a bright paradise.

It’s an ideal place with Once. But with many other platforms such as the chat, Jihyo also takes such opportunity to convey sincerity. Which, may include expressing temper.

Back to V+. Among hundreds of comments that have come up, the leader is triggered by one that she felt the need to speak up.

[ah right. On the day of MAMA, I didn’t come out in the middle. just saying this to some attention seekers that are _oong-aeng-oong_]

A new Korean word that has a negative connotation for it being a feminist slang. Meaning, those who are _muttering_ around; talking too much rather than listening.

This is the natural effect, unfortunately. Fake or true, this is the burden of celebrities’ dating. People will talk. It’s just that in real relationships, parties involved could care less. They’re cool being linked to each other.

While in setups, it must be extra annoying if not other sorts of negative. Always on their toes, having no idea when and where their names would appear next. One could be dragged whenever the other has something unfortunate.

Such as the case of Jihyo and Daniel a month ago. The lone man unfortunately had a crude breakdown while Jihyo had to appear graceful in public.

Since they are just setup and without a fair communication to anchor their ship with, being mindful of the other is plainly nonexistent. So when it sinks, it’s time to save the self.

The drag was traumatizing for Jihyo that to be identified as Daniel’s worried girlfriend, it disgusts her. She wouldn’t let the comment pass.

“Either there are non-Once in this premium chat OR just oblivious. Wanna know what really happened? Fine”, Jihyo types and hits send.

[I was just sick]

[kekekekekeke]

Laughs, “Of course! I was worried sick—FOR MYSELF.”

[oh I’m sorry that people might be excited about a new gossip to talk about. I couldn’t do anything with my body being sick]

Had those ‘Once’ listened more instead of mutter, they would have understood Jihyo and behave accordingly.

Sana snoops from behind, curious about what her partner is amused of. Hands on stomach, lips by the ear whispering “They just want to know how much of a sweet girlfriend you are.”

The leader pans to the other and says, “It’s Jihyo’s Sana who knows it best.”

Jihyo’s Sana. Yesterday in the waiting room, Jihyo was talking to the Twice TV camera. Two others were seen in the frame. She shared, “_Jeongyeon-ie is over there_.”

Jeong was on the phone, busy reading that she didn’t bother. Jihyo then shifted to the other one saying “_By the way, who is… this?_”

“_Me?_” Came up close and uttered, “_Jihyo’s Sana imnida~_” Then caresses the back of Jihyo’s head.

Upon recalling, Sana turns red and cracks up.

Sana’s Jihyo in January 2019. Jihyo’s Sana for January 2020. January, the month in between Sana’s and Jihyo’s.

Though Jihyo cackles along, she tells her “I’m taking January as officially ours now. Happy anniversary! No erasies!”

“Okay but first, give me a kiss.”

“Nope”, turns away grinning. “I’m still mad.”

“I- You know it’s for Momo-yah. How else could we help her?”

“Through Nayeon-ie”, the leader looks back. “She pulled you up, held Mina, carried me… She’s been saving us. We help Momo by saving Nayeon-ie this time.”

The girls change up for their stage performance. Still in white, just with added silver studs. Not much difference from the opening unlike yesterday. It’s the setlist that’s diverse this time.

Yesterday, they performed Yes or Yes, Fancy, and a B-side rock track Stuck In My Head. All upbeats.

Today, Jihyo performs the modern dance she’s been working on. As if to freely express oneself. Then, an old mellow track Melting. As if to deliver profound emotions. The only one expected is Feel Special. A song that conveys personal message.

No more slippery stage. Everything done as rehearsed.

For the second day of the Golden Disk Awards, Twice receives another bonsang. Nayeon concludes speech with a familiar expression as if to affirm the message, “Thank you for always supporting us like this. No matter what happens, **_let’s never be shaken_**.”

_I gave you my word and I said it again. Do not be shaken. Do not be shocked. Do not be surprised. Never let your hearts waver. Cause we need you Once. _

_We need you, the people who understand us. You who could see through the mask and look at our true selves. We need you more than ever._

Later that evening, the unnie gives another letter to Once:

“Thank you to Once who came to cheer today! It’s cold, did you get home safely? Thanks to Once who cheered from afar too. I felt assured while performing.

I didn’t expect to come here so often. But now, I’ll have to start coming over more! I’ve been looking for a place where I can talk about lengthy things with Once.”

Jihyo tested the V+ chat to gauge where the real Once are. Nayeon, on the other hand, is on a platform where she sent her previous letter—on the JYP Fans web.

Nayeon continues, “We don’t have a lot of official schedules in January and I thought Once might miss us so I filmed a lot of videos.

I asked the unnie in our staff team earlier, she said the videos of me and Momo will be uploaded soon! (But if not, what to do TT)

Also, there are many fun things happened between the members during the year-end. Unfortunately, we always forget the camera.

I feel sorry, I feel like we’ve been making Once anticipate by talking about it for the past months. We’re preparing all sorts but we’re trying to find a good timing where we can have you see all members happily. So, please wait TT”

They are yet to be fully happy but are moving towards it. Twice is braving battles one at a time. To be able to radiate happiness, Nayeon recognizes that it must start from within.

“Thank you so much for today. These days, there seems to be many people who are having a hard time. Don’t think much about it and just take a nice deep rest.

Sometimes, when my head hurts too much or I don’t want to think about anything, I turn off my phone and write in my diary. It’s okay to take a break and then get back up. So Once, you can rest today <3”

Pen down, diary closed. Palms on face and body drops to bed. Still her mind is drifting, _the gods must be thinking so highly of us to be given these problems. _

_Sometimes, even family and friends don’t understand each other. What more with Once?_

“Michyeosseo”, Nayeon chuckles on mute that sooner turns to sobbing. She finds herself in a crazy situation. Exhausted inside out, the unnie cries herself to sleep.

Meanwhile Momo being roommates with Jeong, she has learned about some Once’s hostile response in the chat; that of insincerity.

Thinking it was due to the dating news, she spends the entire night contemplating how to address this.

“I must try”, pens and papers ready. Momo writes a letter too.


	30. MO Letters to Once

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1) 200104 Jeongyeon V app chat  
2) 191114 MoJiChaeng vlive  
3) Twice Golden Disk day 1  
4) 200106 Momo Letter  
5) Nayeon Goodbye 2019 letter  
6) Idol Room Ep. 47 & 69

“Leave it. Jihyo already talked to Once.”

“Eh? But it’s my name on the news. Wouldn’t it be more… proper if it’s me?” Momo is restless. She pulls up crayons and starts sketching petals, stars, butterfly, and candy bong.

Jeongyeon tilts head for a sec, grits teeth hissing. Puzzled as to how the cute drawings would help. So, she asks “Thought you wanna write? Uhh… What are those?”

“Igeo? O… Sincerity.”

Momo maybe known as Twice’s dancing machine through the mature movements she does; and consequently, be seen as mature. Someone who would be intentioned to come out of dating despite societal consequences.

But when she expresses her thoughts, she isn’t there yet. Onces know this. That is IF, like what Nayeon has said, Once didn’t forget the precious memories.

November 14th of 2019—MoJiChaeng just got off work from a photoshoot and Momo turned to Vlive. While the exhausted Chaeng had napped, the puberty twins were bantering.

Momo and Jihyo responded to Once’s comment that said, “_When did they grow up and be so mature?_”

“_They think we’re grown-ups_.”

“_No, we’re still young. I want to stay young_.” Jihyo who had been feeling old stressing over the given burden, opposed by desiring youth.

“_Me too. I’m like 14 years old in my heart._” Momo, on the other hand, would rather identify her emotional age.

Not to be confused with 14 year olds who are so eager to grow up and flirt around. Quite the opposite. She’s 24 who enjoys the simplicity of 14 through music, dance, and eating delicious food.

As of the dating news, Momo could now relate to the feelings of Jihyo becoming old. She too has stressed since that she couldn’t talk much with the camera; enduring, nonetheless.

At the backstage of Golden Disk day 1, Sana even tried to help. She held the camera and talked up to her tensed chingu. “_Momo ssi without bangs today?_”

“_Yes, straight hair without bangs_.” Faint response while constantly scratching and sweeping head.

“_Hmm. How did you come up with it?_”

“_There’s pre-recording yesterday and had bangs. So, I decided not today. It’s the first time today._”

“_First time? Congratulations~_”

Tension was lessening that Momo softly clapped hands. Sana then asked, “_How old are you this year, Momo ssi?_”

“_Twenty_.”

The stresses have aged her 6 years. Momo had seen unsightly fan behavior. As they based off from Jihyo’s news that had fair supporters, Twice didn’t see the violence coming.

Now add to that the hostile words which for the girls, are hundred times more painful. So painful, they’re driven to try all sorts of communication and rid the barrier with Once.

Verbal, non-verbal. Artistic expressions and crafts alike. No matter what it takes. Hence, the drawings and sketches. They may be cute and colorful. Yet, they are very Momo. Authentic and sincere.

That’s when Jeong realizes that Momo, with her child-like values and approach to life, may have a shot to an effective conversation with Once. So, she lets her and leave with a reminder instead.

“When you write the actual letter… “ she sighs, “since there’s an agreement—be extra careful.”

“Ehh?! Help me juseyo~”

Other than the complex confidentialities, Momo has to mind writing in sensible Hangeul. For a Japanese, it sure is a struggle.

It’s Nayeon who has been teaching her through texting. They picked up the habit during the Fancy era because Momo sucks at replying in the Twice group chat. They’ve been messaging each other from sweet nothings to puberty fit phrases.

That’s how Momo practices Korean. But with Nayeon already swamped, it’s essential to seek the next unnie. Jeongyeon ends up staying late with Momo.

[Once!! It’s Momo!!

There’s a lot of things to say and I’m not even sure if it’ll be organized. But I wanted to write a letter so I’m writing like this.

It’s already the 5th new year with Once! Though we’ve been together for a long time… it feels like a short time but… makes me think of many memories we had with Once until now.

Every year Once’s memories of us are different. We as well have different memories of Once too. The memorable things are different too. So in 2020, I wanted to give more happiness and memories than in 2019. More happy memories for Once, and I aimed to communicate more as well.

But as soon as 2020 started, Once were surprised, I’m sincerely sorry… Actually, I stressed a lot if I should write this letter… would this hurt Once… or staying silent is better for Once… I was very cautious but since I’ve talked to Once a lot, I want to communicate in my own method, so I’m writing this letter.]

“How about this? Is it okay to put it like this?” Momo lets Jeongyeon check her progress. She wouldn’t even outrightly state the fact she was reported. At the same time, the wordings are retraceable to Nayeon’s warnings.

“O~ Nothing’s directly said but, something is conveyed. That’s- that’s very careful yet, interesting. I don’t think you need much of my help”, thumbs up.

“Hmm… spelling?”

Jeongyeon shakes head smiling. She then thinks aloud, “You know what? I just realize we can’t blame Once for feeling that way.”

“Yeah, I could imagine. Denied, retracted, denied. Then months after, confirmed. Issues are confusing. What more for Once?” Momo scratches head.

“Must’ve been difficult for Nayeon-ie having to decide that leads to such outcome. But I would always, always choose this problem of getting our message across to Once over that stalker.”

“Maj-ja. Even if it maybe impossible for Once to understand and go back to the way we were”, continues writing.

[Since young, I just like to dance, to sing. I wanted to be singer, an entertainer. I started with these reasons and worked hard. Was honored to meet great family that’s Twice then we meet Once.

Of course, dancing and singing is nice but it’s really fun talking with Once and it was happiness for me.

That’s why after work, I think ‘I want to talk to Once’ and do vlive until even the managers are exhausted… the videos I edit and post, it’s not because anyone tells me to. It’s cause I think ‘Won’t Once like this?’

Filming isn’t work. I filmed because I was really happy. Those aren’t work at all. I really want to be close with Once, seeing Once like it… I really enjoyed the 7-hour vlive to the point Once were tired… I’m not trying to brag, rather I want to tell Once I’m really thinking of you this much.]

Momo has walked her talk. She works hard to be able to show up as the best in front of Once. Even after that hard work, her mind thinks of Once and actually spend time talking to Once.

If only Once could remember… just like what Nayeon has said of precious memories… then, it would be apparent that the real relationship that Momo is having—is with Once.

[I’m really thankful to Once who communicate with me and give huge strength… we want to give more than what Once give us!! I’m always proud of you and cherish you… I hope I conveyed my sincerity for Once even just a bit

2020 has started so Once, Twice, everyone’s health is #1!! Each has their own hardships, and because of us… there maybe things that are difficult or annoying, but I hope we can have more happiness compared to hardships for our Once!

In the future too, I want to make more happy memories for Once…! I’m always sorry… and sincerely thankful!! I don’t tend to express words well but thank you for reading this long letter til the end!! Once… happy new year <3]

Momo posts the letter along with her colorful sketches of petals, stars, butterfly, and candy bong. In the middle, she has written big “Once 2020.”

She has also made a cartoon sketch of herself in blonde and wearing mickey mouse apparel. Here, she has written “Year of the Rat” not just for 2020 but for her zodiac birth year.

“There you go! It’s a shot to the moon. At least, you’ve said your piece”, Jeong congratulated Momo for finishing her message to Once well.

“Not all would understand. But it’s worth a try.” Momo breathes out.

Meanwhile, another Rat person is also wide awake. It’s Sana who noticed a trending discussion about Jihyo using a negative slang in the recent chat. It’s getting out of hand.

To defend her partner, Sana writes a letter.


	31. Take Responsibility

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1) 200106 Sana letter  
2) Golden Disk day 1  
3) Twicetagram April 2019  
4) Amazing Saturday NaJiChaeng  
5) Dicon interview  
6) 200107 Jihyo letter

Sana scrolls through phone, reading the commotion.

[technically it’s a man-hating word. It’s used like ‘Again, men are _muttering_ too much. Just listen’]

[but she may have used that word not knowing anything]

Some are giving Jihyo the benefit of the doubt. Alas, many more are thrown off of Twice leader’s unbecoming attitude. They find it ironic too. Jihyo is supposed to be catering since she’s so supportive of her man, as what Dispatch wrote.

[is it really Twice Jihyo? Is she hacked? No matter how she felt bad, she shouldn’t have reacted like that. _Oong-aeng-oong _doesn’t matter. Just look at her way of speaking. It’s controversial]

[it’s her fault using that word without knowing the meaning. We won’t excuse ignorance]

Sana grips onto nape, huffing.

People completely missed the point and instead, make it to a whole different thing. Twice has been trying to communicate sincerely but, this is what they get. Labeled as ignorant when, it’s the people who are oblivious.

Jihyo had been feeling negatively. Hence, the use of negative expression. But of course, people have no idea. They wouldn’t know the way Sana did.

Unfortunately, though unreasonable, idols must live up to the namesake. People hold them to the highest standards. Thus, for some who consider Jihyo as a god, they were disappointed of her ungodliness.

Sana is familiar with being demoted. She knows this first-hand.

Last year, her Instagram post earned ire by captioning and celebrating a Japanese milestone. Being Japanese is her truth yet, the public finds the gesture inappropriate as it doesn’t have a place in the Korean society.

She learned the hard way. What is given could be taken away in a snap; such that of the godly status. With that in mind, the Japanese expresses serious thought by humbling words.

“Once! It’s Sana <3

Thanks to Once we received awards yesterday and today! I’m always thankful, and I’m always sorry Once. I think for both us and for Once, we’ve become close to one another now.

So, although it would be really great if we could always only have good and happy things, and it would of course be great to see our smiling face often, I don’t think Once are people who want to only see me smile.

Since we’ve become close, I want to exchange even more emotions just as much. But to see Once be exhausted and going through a hard time, it hurt so much and it’s hard to see.

It hurts more if the reason is because of us. If a person of mine is hurting and struggling because of me, there’s nothing more hurtful than that.

But because we are also human, we make mistakes sometimes, we disappoint, and there’s times we hurt Once without meaning to.”

In place of Jihyo, Sana takes responsibility of the shortcomings. Twice is no god. That goes for the leader as well, no exceptions. And like anyone else, they could only work their hardest.

She continues “This year, we want to be someone who’s able to embrace Once more warmly. Just as how it’s as if Once always give us a warm hug when we’re hurt and when it’s difficult for us.

Sincerely, thank you for always trusting us and cheering for us and being with us. In this year 2020 which just started, we’ll think about the awards from today and yesterday and be a Twice who grows more.

Let’s overcome this year together! I cherish you a lot, Once <3

Just one last…

I want to be Once’s strength. We’re not Twice who make Once have difficult time. I want to always be together with the people who are next to us which are Once.

I hope you’ll close your eyes again, think about it, and understand that. Sorry for it being a late hour now. You worked hard today as well. Sleep well 😊”

Morning in, the leader wakes up ahead of everyone else. She prepares the table with loaves of bread, butter and jams, and a variety of drinks for each of the girls’ varied tastes.

Alarms go off one by one. School Meal Club arrives first. Bread lover Tzuyu is the most excited, Dahyun follows, and lastly, Chaeyoung.

“Last sched before vacay! Who’s excited?” Jihyo in good mood.

“Me!” Tzuyu answers. Chaeng raises hand. Dahyun grunts, “Finally! Three weeks to heal. We all need this.”

Sooner, the unnie line who tends to stay up late has awaken. To Jihyo’s surprise, the first to arrive is Nayeon. Disheveled hair covers unnie’s swollen eyes. Dazed Jeongyeon and Momo grab other food in the fridge.

An alarm has snoozed. Jihyo goes to check Sana. Sits on the bed side, she caresses the other’s cheek and whispers “hey, food’s ready~”

Stretches and groans. Sana then catches Jihyo’s thumb through teeth.

Giggles, “Mwoyah? I’m not the breakfast.”

Sana shifts through hand taking the other’s, stroking off the bite mark she made. The Japanese smiles with eyes still shut and says, “Figured you’re gonna miss me. So, I’m giving you this.” Bites again.

Gasps, “Aaaniya!” Jihyo pulls and hides hand quick. She mutters, “No need.”

She won’t need it. Her mind is already full of Sana. It’s to a point of hearing ‘Sana’ on BTS Fire lyrics and randomly sharing Sana’s whereabouts to Once.

The leader even plans to dye her crown purple, Sana’s designated color. Lavender tone, to be exact. Jihyo was teasing her partner while in the waiting room at the Golden Disk, making her guess which color was she trying.

“_What is it? Do I like it?_” Sana asked for a clue. Jihyo affirmed. The Japanese has been personally into pink. So, she started blurting some shades “_Rose Gold!_”

Nayeon cut in to Sana’s rescue, “_The color she likes? Or the color I like?_”

“_Ah right, you said you wanted purple_” Sana recalled.

“_You should have said it’s Sana’s official color_”, Nayeon scolded the leader.

But Jihyo was teasing Sana as a payback on the latter’s misdemeanor from two recent occasions; Christmas Eve and post New Year. Her intent “_If I said that, it would’ve been too easy~_”

“No need? You sure?” Sana opens eyes gradually to check on Jihyo’s notorious indecisiveness.

The leader is quite sure and her intent for now is on Sana’s health. She veers from the query, “Yah! We’re gonna have a full day and you’d run on empty stomach?! Come on, get up.”

“Araseo. Araseo”, does as told while still yawning.

“Geez, why did you stay up so late” Jihyo shakes head. Seeing her languid, she pats butt to hasten her.

“I- uh… calmed the noises down. I didn’t want you waking up to it.”

“Noises?”

In search for a place where only real Onces are around, Jihyo visits where Nayeon has gone. From there, she discovers what noises Sana was referring to. While on break, she yanks her out of the studio.

“Should’ve told me these are the noises”, shows phone. “You’re getting into trouble when this is MY fault. Don’t get involved!”

Sana gestures a timeout. She reminds her, “Hold on- I did say I’m with you whether it be trouble. Pretty sure, I wasn’t kidding.”

“Yeah but- I don’t want you in trouble without my permission!” Looks up as tears form. Jihyo may be indecisive but, when she makes up her mind—she takes responsibility.

Sighs then nods, “Yeah you’re always with me. Then all the more I must take care of you. I caused this trouble myself. I should own up to my actions.”

Jihyo wipes her own tears when Sana reaches out. Turns and walks away leaving the other speechless. The Japanese feels some may have noticed. Upon looking around, she sees some approaching.

“Didn’t see anything. But, you two are gonna make up quick. Don’t worry”, Chaeng pats her on the back. Jeong gives the same, “You know how Jihyo is.”

“Chaeyoung-ah, how can you tell?”

The NoJams pause a bit as the kid rebel answers, “Just that- she thinks of you too much. Your mere words affect her a lot. So…” shrugs.

Sana does have such an effect to Jihyo. Last year, she asked Jihyo to knit her a scarf. She even talked to a sleeping Jihyo about it.

Like the Inception, the Japanese must have frequented the leader’s dream that Jihyo ended up giving Sana such birthday gift. Similarly, it’s why Jihyo ends up having a mind full of Sana.

Today, Sana’s power is proven again in ways she didn’t realize. During an interview, she heard of familiar words from Jihyo’s answers:

“I hope that because of us, many fans can be comforted and be happier. For that, we’ll work harder. Of course, we have weaknesses as well. **_We also make mistakes._** Even so, because Twice and Once are one, please give us your warm support.”

What Sana wishes, Jihyo puts it on command. Whatever words Sana utters, they become Jihyo’s reality. To receive anything, all Sana has to do is ask.

Later that evening, Sana rolls to Jihyo’s bed. She gently approaches the leader who’s busy writing a letter to Once.

“What?” Jihyo takes notice. Sana squeezes herself in. The leader suspects she’s being charmed to halt what she’s doing. She protests, “Sana?! I’m still gonna write this, you know.”

Jihyo keeps on writing.

“Let’s not be like this. O? We’re not gonna see each other for a long time. I understand you wanna fix that. But shouldn’t we fix this too?” She clutches onto the other’s arm, “Were you really that mad?”

Jihyo pauses writing, “Yes I’m mad. Mad worried about you!”

“Then I’m sorry~” Sana sits up, “I also wanna take care of you that’s why I did that. We’re in this relationship together, Jihyo-yah. You’re not supposed to be the only one taking responsibility.”

Sana takes Jihyo’s hand and kisses it. Then, she lays it on her chest making Jihyo feel her heartbeat. For her, time is precious. She doesn’t wait longer to fix what they have.

Papers all over the bed, the two are making up. If not for the sound of the pen dropping, Jihyo would forget she has a letter to finish.

She says panting, “Nado mianhae… I’m- writing everything from the start. So, it’s gonna be a long letter.”

“I just want us to make up anyway”, Sana nodding in low voice. She gets up to gather the papers and hands them to Jihyo who has found the pen. The Japanese leaves the leader with one more kiss.

The letter indeed has taken her so long. It was 2:08 am when she finished.

“Once this is Jihyo

I’m sorry that I might have hurt and disappointed Once in the V app chat yesterday. I’ll talk step by step from the beginning…”


	32. Untruth Be Told

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1) 200107 Jihyo letter  
2) Jihyo Daniel, Dispatch report  
3) Twice, JYP on Section TV  
4) Idol Room E48  
5) references from previous chapters

“_Their dating ban will be lifted 3 years later their first broadcast. After that, I’ll buy their boyfriends a meal if they bring them_.”

When Twice debuted, the girls guested on Section TV with JYP himself. The PD-nim was driven to clarify on the matter. Leader Jihyo, on the other hand, had something to say:

“_It should be more like 5 years than 3_.”

10 years of training. 3 years of dating ban to focus on work. And still wanna add 2 more years on top of that. Well, the reason wasn’t just the joy of work.

The ban served as a shield, an indestructible wall from the worsts of idol life—the issues. Jihyo knows that as soon as it’s lifted, they will be vulnerable. And they will have to deal with complications they wouldn’t enjoy.

Thus, with Jihyo’s leadership, the girls have focused on work and on being happy amongst themselves. Hoping that through these, the issues would be prevented for 2 more years.

Along the way, however, some happiness blossomed into love. The leader has fallen and it’s used against her. It may not be in her plan to be vulnerable this soon but, she has decided. Now, she’s taking responsibility.

“Once this is Jihyo

I’m sorry that I might have hurt and disappointed Once in the V app chat yesterday. I’ll talk step by step from the beginning.

Last year in March, rumors spread around my name and I’ve become afraid of facing people since. The reason I cried at the airport then was because people were filming and shouting at me. I was scared of what they thought of me.

Then in August, my private life was reported and **_untrue things surfaced_**. Things that weren’t true were mentioned…”

\---

Jihyo didn’t say which.

Well, she couldn’t. The same way Daniel couldn’t. Otherwise, Jihyo could’ve clarified misunderstandings, eliminated what people thought of her, and be free of anxiety.

Unfortunately, SHE JUST COULDN’T.

In covering up the powerfuls’ costly mistakes, the public must be given something else to talk about. REGARDLESS of truth. The louder, the better so that their scandals would be buried and deleted fast.

Therefore, it’s necessary to get two bright stars on a story that would tickle the public’s mind.

Lucky for Dispatch, Jihyo has something they could just latch the dating issue on. They didn’t even need creative writing skills; just creative editing.

**Report Detail #1:** _They reportedly began dating in the beginning of the year_.

The ban was lifted October 20, 2018. Had the two started in between January to March 2019, it’s just 3-5 months after for Jihyo to plunge into celebrity dating. A type of relationship that’s prone to issues. Especially, when revealed.

She must’ve become too eager that the 2-year top-up plan was swiftly forgotten.

Understandably, being too happy could make you forget. Falling could happen. Thing is, the person catching wouldn’t be far off in order for the hesitant Jihyo to feel safe.

“_Thank you for always being with me_”, she said as a birthday greeting to that special someone.

And then in January, “Sana’s Jihyo” happened. Everything was happy. Everything was fine that Jihyo didn’t even notice she has fallen.

**Report Detail #2:** _They meet at Daniel’s home. Jihyo drive there in her own car. Twice members know about the couple. Someone even gave Jihyo a ride to Daniel’s house and later picked her up._

On Idol Room episode 48 recorded April 18, 2019—the girls were asked who among them successfully earned Driver’s license. Jihyo, Jeongyeon, Nayeon, and Dahyun had hands up.

Additionally, they were asked who have their own car. The girls shook heads. None of them at that time. At the least, just family car. Nayeon even told the hosts, “_Are you gonna buy it for us? We don’t have to drive._”

And if Jihyo were to buy her own, she wants something different from her family’s sedan Benz pertained on the report. The leader said, “_I wanna drive a convertible and go on a highway._”

Granted, they are licensed to drive. But since they’re more often with the managers, they didn’t have to.

Jihyo, however, does visit a house—best friend Jeongyeon’s house. Sana is tagged too, since she’s become an honorary daughter of the Yoo family.

**Report Detail #3:** [_The incriminating photos_]

Dispatch has photos.

That of a house’s front gate and cars. Not the actual persons. Dispatch wouldn’t shoot them alighting. It was more convenient to capture cars than actual human figures. And simply paste headshots indicating it’s them.

Well, Dispatch gave the public a “Jihyo” at the front gate. A blurred side-profile of a supposed Jihyo, that is. Considering their high-quality cameras, the execution was poor.

Moreover, something’s off with her figure. It’s hunchback. Funny how she, a decade-long trained idol and main vocalist, could slouch like in the photo. That for sure is gonna hurt her breathing.

Perhaps, it must’ve been difficult for whoever girl was photographed. Jihyo’s perfect posture couldn’t be mirrored. Even on casual walks, she maintains it.

To be fair with Dispatch’s effort of setting the photo evidences up, there were clearer closer shots. But, INDIVIDUALLY. The two were never in one frame together.

**Report Detail #4:** _The two were seen on a date in Hannam UN Village Seoul, August 1_.

That day, the budding solo artist Daniel had been hustling through fan meetings. In Busan and then, in Daegu. The average travel time to Seoul—3 hours by car. At least 6 hours spent on the road alone; already ¼ of his day.

Twice, on the other hand, was in the Genie Music Awards.

Adding up all the preparations from rehearsals, hair & make-up, red carpet, and costume change to the show proper packed with speeches and performances, and victory dinner; early sleeper Jihyo had a full day with Twice.

Ill-fatedly, it’s also the event when Nayeon delivered the good image speech only for Jihyo to be reported days after. The unnie was furious having to eat her own words.

Not that dating equates bad. It’s just that, the report details were inaccurate tainting the sincere image they’ve built for years. Also, Twice came off as easy girls.

Jihyo going to a house meeting with gal pals sounds fine. But when you edit out the girls, replace them with a man…

Add to that an amorous tune with a then charting UN Village by EXO Baekhyun, the public’s mind would definitely be tickled. It doesn’t help that the title is the same as the reported dating spot. The lyrics too tells of nocturnal activities.

_[Up the rolling hills _

_Rolling, rolling, rolling hills_

_There’s a broken lamp post _

_If you see it, turn your light]_

People formed thoughts. Unwholesome thoughts.

\---

“…That made me feel uneasy, scared. All kinds of negative thoughts had risen that it became difficult for me to stand in front of people, to talk, and perform on stage.

I was so scared during the tour too. So, I went to the hospital and received therapy and medications. But that didn’t help much. Just like that, time passed and Japan tour started.

I had a really hard time at the concert before MAMA where I had to stand before many people. I cried in fear during the 3 days and I really wanted to hide.

I performed at MAMA in that condition and had to face a much bigger audience than before. So, it became harder to breathe.

I didn’t want to worry people if they see me crying again at the airport. So, I decided to arrive at a different time from the members.

All these times I’ve talked about… no, actually since debut, I’ve seen so many bad and rude things about me. I was very hurt and angry. But I kept going. I have my job and fans so, I just stayed still.

I was like this until MAMA.

I’m not asking for sympathy nor acknowledgement. I wanted to explain why I used a negative expression yesterday.

No matter what I’ve been through, I’ve never been not sincere in front of Once. Never not cherish Once. Never not worry about Once. I was also sincere yesterday.

What I’m most sorry of is that, I know this is a time where our team and Once are very confused. So, I’m sorry for being too expressive yesterday. To Once and to the team.

Seeing the messages posted by my…”

Jihyo pauses a bit, thinking how to make an encompassing reference to the commotion without further unnecessary troubles.

She then continues, “…posted by my members to explain about it and also looking at what Once were saying, I believe it’s only right for me to fix what I did. Hence, this writing.

I sing, perform, and talk in front of Once. I do this work because I sincerely hope that Once and I will be happy. I do this because I have Once who love and hug me warmly.

I can put up with a lot of things. So, I hope Once won’t feel hurt looking at those things.

In the future for as long as we’re idols, we’re going to have issues. And people will talk about it. But I’ll do my best. I don’t want us to spend precious times anywhere else other than those that make us happy.

I’m sorry for making you worry and thank you Once.”

It’s way past her bedtime. Despite that, Jihyo drifts off in serenity. She doesn’t mind taking in all the noises and troubles upon her. Taking responsibility has never been this fulfilling.

A gentle warmth is felt on her cheek, Jihyo wakes up to Sana leaning from the bedside. The Japanese whispers, “O- Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you.”

Noticing that Sana is all dressed up, the leader asks “You’re leaving? Already?”

“Mm-hmm.”

Jihyo lifts arms for a hug. Sana lays down and melts into her. The girls are officially on vacation and Sana is scheduled to fly back to Japan. Time ticks fast but also because of this, Jihyo doesn’t worry on missing Sana.

The leader mutters, “See you soon.”


	33. Privacy Act

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1) 200108 Nayeon Restraining Injunction  
2) Twicetagram  
3) Mina is stalked at home  
4) Nayeon's stalker leaked Chaeyoung's number

Sana has left. Tzuyu has flown back in the same day too. One of the foreigners has stayed, Momo. She is accompanying Nayeon.

The leader is waiting together with the two for some good news. A news that the hellish measure they’ve taken through Momo and Heechul’s setup dating isn’t in vain. The manager arrives to update them.

“Please tell us it’s a success”, Jihyo is hoping.

“Yes but…”

“But what?” Nayeon shoots up. With Momo’s sacrifice, Nayeon expects a fair exchange. No less than the stalker and his conspirators getting punished. The puberty twins hold on to the unnie.

The manager brings up the papers and tells them, “We got those cooperating with him.”

“As for HIM?” Nayeon receives the papers.

“That’s the most we could do for now”, the manager points to a sealed document. That of a restraining order.

Stalking has only merited police restraint, not apprehension. In the eyes of the Korean law, it isn’t a crime YET. As for the conspirators, they are liable to the Privacy Act.

JYPE releases a statement, “In an effort to protect artists’ safety and life, we have taken measures on the leaking, selling, or distributing of artists’ information.

We are verifying these information sales routes through several channels and we are constantly reviewing the likelihood and level of legal action based on confirmed information.

If personal information is breached due to illegal leakage and sale of information, the Privacy Act is violated which may be fined up to 50 million won or 5 years imprisonment.

In addition, if artist information is obtained by false method, it may be put to criminal offense. This may be fined up to 15 million won or 5 years imprisonment.”

_Is there such thing as half victory? Is this fair to Momo’s sacrifice? Why do I still feel helpless… defeated? WHY?_

The van is silenced but Nayeon’s mind is screaming. Vacation is the time to rest, to go out and see a different view. But with this subpar outcome, it seems Nayeon is the one getting imprisoned. Caged. Trapped in the family home.

Jihyo knows she couldn’t say anything to make the unnie feel alright. Mere words wouldn’t suffice. Tangible act is what’s needed. The van stops at Park residence. Jihyo alights and attempts to say a few.

“Unnie~ I will work something out for you.”

Nayeon smiles, “It’s okay Jihyo-yah. Don’t think much. Take this time to recover yourself instead.”

Jihyo shakes head, “This is the least I could do. Please wait for a few days.” She turns to Momo, “I know you should be in Japan soon but ‘til then…” _Take care of Nayeon unnie._

Without having to complete the thought, Momo nods.

It got Nayeon curious. It’s a rare sight nowadays for the puberty twins to agree on something. The unnie mutters, “What’s Jihyo talking about?”

Momo knows Nayeon takes pride in caring for others instead of being taken care of. So, she brushes off unnie’s inquiry and changes topic quick, “Unnie let’s watch Disney!”

“Ah movies? Which one would you like first?”

Just like what she did a month ago, Momo goes to the Im residence. Back then in December, Nayeon was still hoping for things to be under control. Now, Momo has become someone else’s girlfriend.

Nayeon becomes even more driven to cater to the dongsaeng. She’s giving back as much help she received from Momo’s sacrifice. This of course includes sending messages to Once.

The unnie takes photos of Momo watching Disney’s Coco. To show this dongsaeng is nowhere near the reported boyfriend. Nayeon shares them on IG story and captions, “Watching Hyo-Coco right now with her.”

Hyo-Coco as in also referring to Jihyo’s Once Halloween costume. She who told Once to “_just look at us_”. Because the truth is found by looking at them. Not on Dispatch nor Market News; not even the companies.

Two days pass, Nayeon receives a call from the manager informing her of a sudden change in schedule. With this, Momo gets to go back to Japan.

January 16th—Nayeon arrives at the airport heading to Hawaii. Not for a vacation but for a solo shoot. She will be at the Cosmopolitan magazine’s March release. As this is an official schedule, she has security staff with her.

Well, it’s become a great excuse to get out and enjoy like the rest of the members. Jeongyeon, for example, has been visiting the drama location of When the Camellia Blooms sharing the view in Twicetagram.

They have their own ways to let Once know how they’re doing nowadays. Chaeyoung shortly chatted on the V app with an inspiration:

[Do all the things you want to do everyone]

[If not now, when will you do it]

[we all have our own hardships but, if you go through them while having fun, you can do it even if it’s difficult]

[I’ll also live working hard doing what I want to do]

Twice has their own burden to carry. But that doesn’t mean they can’t have fun. Momo, together with her sister Hana, later joins Nayeon in Hawaii spending the unnie’s extra days after the magazine shoot as a vacation.

Just when Twice are taking a breather, threats don’t seem to rest. Mina is at home when the doorbell rings. She takes a peek and as it turns, she has absolutely no idea who the guy is. Definitely, this is a stalker.

Mina calls the police. Later upon investigation, the guy is from Spain and that he didn’t acquire information illegally. He insists, it’s hard work following Mina’s distinguished father. The police send him to the airport making sure he has taken a flight home.

This has reached the rest of the girls. The media has picked up just as quick. So as not to worry everyone, Mina posted some selca on Twicetagram and greets a Happy Lunar New Year.

“Minari! How are you? Is this a good time to talk?” Chaeyoung sends this to her favorite unnie. She intends to get hold of her. Suddenly however, the kid rebel starts getting random messages and calls.

Apparently, Josh the notorious stalker has done another evil. He lauds his Spanish counterpart; reasoning that it’s only natural to make effort and confess to someone you like.

So, for everyone else who wants to do the same, he offers help to those who are liking the owner of the numbers he has obtained. His help comes in the form of posting them on the internet.

Chaeyoung, the owner of those numbers, is not the type to sit still. She later takes it to Instagram with just a photo of dark strawberry saying, “I think there’s a limit to waiting without saying anything, hoping for someone to stand down.

When the 11 numbers that may be insignificant were posted on the internet by someone with no consideration and respect, my phone was flooded with all kinds of calls and texts and I’m going through unnecessary hardship.

This does not only affect me but also, our precious members and other idols in the company.

I ask you to please think even for a bit just how people are exhausted, anxious, and having difficulty because of your thoughtless actions which, you simply package as interest and love.

Also, don’t cause insult to our fans who give healthy and proper support through your disguise.

I’m not someone who’s easily shaken by such issue. I’m not writing this because I can’t control my temper. I just want you to realize your faults. Such actions are shameful.”

It is unfortunate on Chaeng’s part but, this moment is something she could seize for the team. Without hesitation, the kid rebel submits the evidences of the offense as the stalker becomes liable to the Privacy Act.

Although the girls are apart, still in each of their vacation, they find themselves rooting for the brave maknae. “Wah~ Chaeyoung-ah fighting!”

Jihyo in awe thinks aloud, “Wah Chaeyoung-ah! Wish I could sue Dispatch too. Privacy Act? Pssh.” She laughs to herself.

No matter, the realizations from this break has regained her power. It isn’t enough to topple the ones behind Dispatch but, the leader isn’t eyeing their collapse anyway. Jihyo would rather put her energy to those that truly matter.

In two days, their vacation will be over. Jihyo has been preparing for a warm welcome. If she’s able to work out a plan for Nayeon then, the more she wants to pull something off for Sana. The person she’s most thankful to.

Keeping her productive momentum, Jihyo calls their props team; checking on her requests. She has also been coordinating with the stage team and choreography. The only thing left is to rehearse.

She exhales in satisfaction and says, “I’ll see you soon. My queen.”


	34. Queen Event

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1) 200130 High Seoul Music Awards  
2) Twice TV  
3) Twicetagram  
4) Taeyeon Vlive

“Unnies, oppas, I’m back!”

Along with welcoming tokens, Jihyo hands a script to the production team with head bowed down “Here’s a few lines we could work on. Please take care.”

“Message in voiceover. Then just Feel Special, right?” says one of the tech staff nodding.

“Seems leader-nim thought of a warm-up performance for the team”, the choreographer unnie comments.

The leader is that considerate thinking everyone may have rested well. So as the bodies not to get shocked, she’s banking more on their voices. And with some favorable news in the past days, she’s inclined to express gratitude.

Hence a thank you message as an intro to Feel Special.

While waiting for the members, one of the managers excuses the leader for updates. “Good news, the stalker has fled out the country.”

“Yes! But what’s with the ‘good’ news? Is there a bad?”

It’s about the letter Jihyo had posted. Straits Times, a Singaporean-based site made a misleading headline out of it: _Twice Jihyo in fear over rumors about Sex Videos and Romance with Kang Daniel. _

International Once had reported this to JYPE. The agency took notice when Twice had already gone to vacation. And since the offender is outside Korea, nothing much could be done anyway.

The manager relays the advice of the higher ups: Jihyo should talk less. If it were to help her mental health, Jihyo has to find other means to express. That way, clickbait hungry reporters couldn’t prey on her words.

This is what she meant when she said ‘_humans are the scariest_’ in one of her V chats last November. Jihyo herself has already explained the real situation. Yet, people would rather create more misunderstandings.

There’s no regret in calling out the untrue anyway. She’s able to protect Sana and told her own side of the story. Jihyo is unfazed. She too is a step ahead in finding expression.

Walking back to the practice room, Jihyo heard liveliness by the door. It seems the members have arrived as well. She braces herself going in.

“Oh Jihyo-yah! This is brilliant.” Nayeon mutters to her, “Thank you~ Hawaii was great. I think my body’s still on break.”

Jihyo smiles. She understands the sentiment after what Nayeon has gone through. She then asks the girls, “Would you like to add or change something in the message?”

“Could we make our hand-writings of this message be projected like in our MAMA stage?” Momo gestures arms pertaining to the big screen in the background.

The rest likes the idea. Jihyo jots this down for the tech team. She asks further, “Anything else?”

“Nothing much. It’s already a beautiful message”, Jeongyeon says. She then shoots Jihyo a knowing look and says, “It just sounds familiar. Don’t you think so, Sana?”

“Huh? Uhh~ _Thank you for always being with_…” Sana reads it finding out what Jeong is pertaining to.

But Jihyo intercepts. She goes to the dance unnie saying, “We’re starting! Unnie, we’re starting. Right?”

They gather on the dancefloor to start blocking their stage formations. One more thing though, dance unnie tilts head on a detail.

She verifies from Jihyo and the prod staff that there’s only gonna be one fancy seat—a throne in the middle. It’s a dilemma as to who’s gonna take it.

Basing on the script, the girls would only start dancing at the chorus. Thus, she’s picking between the two who sung the lines, “Nayeon or Sana for center?”

“I- uh… Sana starts the chorus?” Jihyo could only make awkward muttering.

Nayeon understanding the grand scheme of things backhugs Sana and walks her to the spot. She finds the tongue-tied Jihyo and winks at her; to which the latter acknowledges. The unnie then announces, “Sana is the center.”

January 30th—Twice gets to rehearse their stage for the High Seoul Music Awards along with the set design. There are two red staircases and just one golden seat. Jihyo takes Sana’s hand and leads her towards it.

“Take a seat”, she says. When Sana relaxes on the throne, Jihyo then brings her hand close to lips. She smiles and kisses it.

The Japanese gasps and looks around, “Jihyo-yah what are you doing?”

“Treating you right. My queen”, she plants a kiss once again.

Sana recoils hand. She stands up and makes Jihyo take the seat instead. “Yah~ It’s your birthday soon. You should be the one treated well.”

Jihyo yanks Sana onto her lap, “Ottoke? I want this for my birthday.”

The Japanese looks around again, now realizing these are Jihyo’s efforts for her. The leader mutters, “My letter earned me an advice to shut up. I’m down to just my actions now. So, let me do this. Please? There may be no other time.”

Prod suddenly cues the sound. The partners shoot up from the golden seat. It made them giggle. Sana nods, “Yup. There may be no other.”

She then returns to her seat saying, “So… How do I look?”

On the actual performance, Twice changes up into glowing royalties through frosted white dresses. The look is of perfection but, on what level?

Regal. That’s the rightful word to describe this view. Just the way Jihyo had imagined. No king, this is queen event only. Center? Jihyo doesn’t go with the nation’s pick. She has her own choice. As such, she’s been blessed since.

Through intro, the message is telling:

“Thank you for always…

…being with us.”

“When it was difficult and painful…

…you were there.”

“When I’m in darkness…

…you become the light.”

“So now, we…

…will become your light.”

Her pick is the one in the center at this moment. The one seated at the golden throne—Sana. In pulling this perfection off, it’s been nerve-wracking. So, nerve-wracking that the leader skipped Twice TV footage entirely.

Now the idea has come to life, it’s become a priceless loop forever etched in Jihyo’s mind.

The show has ended. When packing up, Sana snaps Jihyo out a bit by pulling her into the photobooth stationed at the backstage. The Japanese noticed that the leader has been tensed, this little fun is almost skipped too.

Still, even in the van, the leader is glued to her phone in search of that moment. Jeongyeon understands this that she didn’t bother inviting her to wave to the fans. Instead, she makes space for Sana who enthusiastically waves along with her.

Meanwhile, in the other van, there’s Nayeon and Momo also sending their goodnights to the fans. When they move and roll back up the window, both let out a sigh. The show was exhausting especially to Momo.

The host Shin Dongyup teased his co-host Kim Heechul, Momo’s reported boyfriend. “_Oh! Heechul ssi, you must be excited to see…_” obvious pause before completing the thought, “_the Super Junior members here!_”

Heechul was flapping his cue cards in attempt to interrupt the joke.

Twice who were tables away sent disturbed looks to each other. Nayeon again in furious state. Momo, on the other hand, was dazed. Jeongyeon later into the show had to clap her back in the moment.

“What has gotten into sunbae?” a low-voiced Nayeon searches Heechul’s whereabout in the past weeks during their vacation. She couldn’t believe the veteran Heechul missed filtering such joke.

Jihyo hasn’t mentioned receiving any message from the sunbae whether he’s distressed or whatnot. So, Nayeon is finding things out herself. While doing so, she checks on the dongsaeng “Are you okay now, Momo-yah?”

“Mm”, affirms while munching snacks.

Nayeon has found some. That of Heechul’s discussion with Taeyeon on Vlive. The interesting thing is, Heechul kept bringing up and pertaining to the dating issue when Taeyeon wasn’t even asking:

“There were so many speculations. Honestly, we didn’t know each other then. To fans, I feel really sorry. But they congratulated us a lot. I thought, _I didn’t work in vain for the last 15 years. _I shall work harder.”

“I can speak comfortably about it with you. But when recent issue came about, the public and my fans who could’ve been upset said, _It’s okay. This isn’t that a big deal. Thank you, we’ll always root for you._

This kind of response made me feel kind of guilty.

I can only hold this much love”, he pointed to a bowl “but after the issue, many fans showed me love and I felt sorry to receive all that. So I thought, _I might not have what it takes to be a celebrity._”

As it seems, lying like a full-blooded celebrity is a burden that could make even the veteran idols question the path they’ve taken. Heechul may have been seeking outlet for this heaviness.

Even though the broadcast is partly in an interview format, Heechul went there as a friend. Taeyeon further encouraged him to open up on other burden. Heechul shared:

“I had been working on a solo album. I had the song ready. The title was Flower Petal. It’s not just about dedication to my fans; it also pertains to flowers and petals. Then after the issue, I decided to postpone the solo album.”

From what Nayeon can perceive, the sunbae is deeply regretful. Had Heechul known that the fans would support him this much, he could’ve announced a real dating then and proceed on his career plans as usual.

Curiously, the unnie wants to know the dongsaeng’s take on this. “Momo-yah, what if Heechul sunbae asks you out?”

“Hmm?”

Nayeon restates her inquiry, “What if he asks you out for real? To be his real girlfriend? What do you do?”


	35. Sana's Wish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1) 200130 High Seoul Music Awards  
2) 200201 Twicetagram  
3) 200211-12 Twicelights Fukuoka

“_The members are like my family, since I spend more time with them than my family. They’re so precious where it’s difficult to define it with words. _

_We dream the same dream as each other, we’re moving towards the same goals. _

_We have a special relationship where we’re able to share the same feelings just from the expression in each other’s eyes_.” Momo told Dicon, the magazine interview they had before vacation.

Lights are off in the van. Momo’s eyes couldn’t be seen. Though this dongsaeng is easily startled, she isn’t sheepish nor cowardly. She has no qualms in telling what’s in mind.

“Wah~ Unnie jincha?! Do you really not know? Wah!”

“Well, I just know that each of us can have different wants in life. I respect whatever changes your mind goes through.”

Nayeon can only recognize the amount of time and space Momo has shared with her. But the unnie doesn’t know that that is the dongsaeng’s loyalty.

Momo mutely sighs. It frustrates her because the answer is simple. She works hard to be happy in life. To be able to eat well with the people she likes, as time is precious for her. The answer—Momo finds happiness wherever she is.

“Unnie, where am I now? Right at this moment?” Her frustration is addressed in these rhetorical queries that she plucks off the SaMo ring.

“More questions don’t answer the question.”

“Here unnie, keep this for a while.” Momo hands the ring to Nayeon, “This is my answer.”

“O?” Nayeon is taken aback, she almost drops it. Knowing it’s a unique ring, she holds it tight careful not to drop it in this van.

Momo turns to the window sulking. The unnie senses this through the silence. She tries to lighten her up by poking some tickles, “Waegure~ Why are you lending me this?”

The dongsaeng whines.

“Araseo. Araseo”, unnie halts. “But really, why? How can you just give me this?”

“Well, I trust unnie.” Momo then mutters, “And- it’s not about the ring. It’s not what I’m giving.”

Time—once it’s spent, it can’t be taken back. It’s only given to those that matter. And even so, it isn’t always easy.

Jihyo took time to pull something off. It wasn’t merely for Sana’s sake but, hers too. Ever since the dating news, Jihyo couldn’t claim Sana out in public. Count those days to now, that’s how much it is missed.

It’s a month into 2020 and the resolution is of health and happiness. That stage was a necessary coping expression to a long overdue reverence. With Jihyo’s inclination to responsibilities, she does it by giving queenly Sana what is due.

Passing that much time also means it is now Jihyo’s birthday. Sana didn’t expect the grand gesture from the celebrant. As far as she’s concerned, Jihyo is supposed to be the one catered to. Nonetheless, Sana too has to cook something up as she had promised.

It was in the Korean Season Greeting 2020 calendar, which was prepared July last year, when the girls got to write comments on a member’s birthday. Jihyo wrote “_Holiday vacation? <3_” on her own birthdate.

Meanwhile, Sana wrote “_A surprise for Jihyo!_”

She had grand ideas then. But with the stresses of her partner’s dating news plus the recovery process, Sana learned that surprises can instead be in a form of a deeper bond.

Thus, in Jihyo’s birthday dinner, Sana sits beside the celebrant filling the side dishes and cup of rice for her. The Japanese with the tongs and scissors is also cooking the premium grade meats tossed on the grill.

Sana pinches a pork, blows on it, and offers. Jihyo opens mouth and bites. The Japanese looks intently. “Mmm!” The leader nods in delight. It’s soft and juicy, cooked just right to her liking.

Sana smiles as she succeeds giving a perfect piece for Jihyo. The Japanese goes back to turning meats on the grill waiting and finding the next one.

When Jihyo is reaching for the liquor, Sana grabs it and pours for her. The leader half whines and chuckles on this behavior, “Yah just ‘cause it’s my day, doesn’t mean you have to serve my hand and foot.

Could it be… You forgot to prepare a gift for me?!”

Sana grins as the glass goes half full, “My gift takes time.”

“If not now then, when? _Time is precious, _Sana-yah.”

It seems the leader is beating the Japanese on her rules. Sana decides to tease and play along. She brings another serving towards her partner’s mouth but retreats it right before it’s bitten.

Sana puts it in between teeth; further teases as she tilts her head. “Heol~”, the leader freezes. What she can only do is sip somaek.

Waiting in vain, the Japanese shrugs and eats the piece instead. Jihyo turns to get side dishes over there and suddenly notices Jeongyeon on her left looking.

“Why didn’t you take it? Only our team is here. What are you shy about?” Jeong asks.

“Aniya. She should eat. She hasn’t taken anything yet.”

“Wah really?!”

Well, that’s the fate of whoever’s in charge of the grilling. Sana’s energy goes into checking the meat’s tenderness and puts it on plate when it’s done. She barely remembers herself. Jeongyeon reaches over to snag the utensils from Sana.

“Thanks, Jeongyeon-ie. Now you can eat well Sana-yah”, Jihyo drinks the remains of her glass.

Now that Sana can only focus on Jihyo, she clears throat and confers “To be honest, I have nothing to gift you but- myself.”

Jihyo spews as she almost chokes on her liquor. Sana quickly grabs table napkins and wipes her, “O- mian.”

Sana continues, “My gift takes time because I’ll not only give you today. I’ll also give you tomorrow and the days after. Jihyo-yah, would you take me?”

How could Jihyo say anything other than a yes? Her days are not always healthy and happy. But with Sana, who’s warm and bright as summer, being always with her; Jihyo is uplifted and made happy.

Thus, though still coughing, she answers by pulling Sana into a hug. “Y-yes. Yes, of course!”

Sana rubs Jihyo’s back. When they tug away, she puts parka over the other saying “Here’s for today…”

She then kisses her. Her lips are stamped vividly that she finds it amusing. Sana realizes she really hasn’t eaten much for the color to be smudged on Jihyo’s cheek. She brings out her phone and captures this.

This is just for today.

The birthday kiss mark photo joins the collection of their Disney Sea date, the reindeer coupling, the Kouhaku New Year, and the photobooth-captured Seoul Music Awards.

Some photos are blurry. Regardless, as these matters to Sana, she remembers these moments clearly.

Sana intends for these precious moments to go on as time passes. She later sends this wish out to Twicetagram, “My Jjakkung Happy birthday <3 You’ve gotten a year older so let’s also be happier as well <3 Sharunghae”

Again, that Jjakkung exclusive way of _I love you._

It may be a short message but, the photos make up for it. Other than rat and purple heart emoji, Sana has also added _woman-woman couple with a heart_ and _woman-woman kiss_ emoji. Short but sweet. Loud and Clear.

Time—and like how some photos aren’t perfect, the next days too are mundane full of hard work. What has kept them going since are the presence of each other.

Twice has resumed rehearsals for Twicelights Japan where Mina could join once again. For her recovery, she has also undergone work. She too learned a lot about time. When else could she be Twice if not now?

February 11th—for the first time, Mina assumes her spot and is able to sing and dance to Feel Special.

It’s a long battle and wasn’t an easy one. But today, time is spent with those who matter. That is triumph. The girls sing Stay By My Side. Mina wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

She receives the big embrace from the rest of the girls with Dahyun, Chaeyoung, Tzuyu on her right and Jihyo, Sana, Momo on her left. Nayeon and Jeongyeon are pushing on Momo’s side for tighter hug.

Atop the platform, Mina moves closest to Chaeyoung. They rest heads to each other while singing the last lines. With the rest of the girls, they wave hands sending thank yous for today as the curtains close.

This similar moment is lived again for the next day. Only similar but never the exact same thing. Jeongyeon in ponytail with pearls, sticks some of those shiny trinkets to the members. Particularly on MiChaeng’s moles. Jjakkungs receive these too.

Sana checks on Jihyo. She giggles on a pearl placed on the nose. The Japanese moves it to the leader’s forehead and kisses it. Sana has one of pearls on the forehead too.

“Now we’re matching”, she says.

These four then flaunt their faces posing for the camera. Mina leans putting her body weight to Chaeyoung as if backhugging her. So as Jihyo does to her partner, with face cupped between her own palm and Sana’s shoulder.


	36. Health and Happiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1) Twicelights Fukuoka  
2) Jan 2020, Twice favorite movies  
3) 200220 Saida Vlive  
4) Twicelights Shizuoka

Chaeyoung turns to her favorite unnie. Together, they rid the pearls on each other’s faces. Mina looks over the Jjakkungs also doing the same. She smiles.

“A, wae?” Chaeng is curious of the other’s amusement. “Did Jeongyeon-ie put something else on me?”

“No”, giggles. “Just happy for those two.”

Mina has witnessed the partners’ relationship unfold. And along with the team’s contagious fighting spirit, she too was able to give encouragement for the two.

With palm open asking the rest of the pearls from Chaeng, Mina says “Glad that Sana waited until Jihyo could take responsibility.”

“Took a while. Though difficult, seems everything was necessary to lead them here.” Chaeng is done collecting. She hands these to Mina and adds “These days, she worries less of what people think.

Like, even when some fans are celebrating her anniversary with the guy.”

Dispatch only indicated ‘early 2019’ as the start of dating. Fans can only make guesses. Thus, there has been Twitter greetings since January.

Later in the hotel room, Jihyo is scrolling through and sees these. Sana who just finished drying hair, hops in bed. The Japanese asks, “Watching on Youtube?”

The leader retorts, “Reading. On Twitter. Stuff on my name.”

She then speaks comically, “Jihyo Daniel Happy Anniversary Stay Strong blah blah blah… This would go on ‘til March, I guess?” tosses the phone.

“Mmm~ It’s a great time to get in trouble”, Sana chuckles. To ease her partner, she starts massaging Jihyo’s arms; adding some nibbles on neck and shoulder gradually travelling somewhere else. “So, when?”

Whenever the leader is fed up of being linked to the reported boyfriend, Sana is more than willing to show off with Jihyo and emphasize their relationship.

With the Japanese’s caresses, however, the leader couldn’t think and ends up at the corner of the bed replying “Wait- Chamkaman, chamkaman…”

Sana lowers voice expressing impatience, “You went here. You’re in MY bed. Am I misunderstanding?”

“Can we just- Watch something first? Something calm and gentle.” Panicking, Jihyo swiftly grabs device. She’s suggesting, “This one! I-it’s a good movie. I’ve also recommended it to Once.”

She opens a folder, a Kim Taeri collection. Sana comments, “Handmaiden? Do you want to be the agassi?”

The Japanese continue where she left of, with fingers roaming where the handmaiden served the agassi. Jihyo gulps and catches the wandering hand, bringing it back to where she can see it. To a calm level, around her tummy.

“No~ It’s Little Forest.”

At the height of her anxiety, this soothing movie must have taken Jihyo into a place where she can free her mind and just be. Without the hurtful noises and live serenely. Jihyo must be taking inspiration.

It isn’t as sexy as the other Kim Taeri movie. But the kind of life portrayed in it has awakened a familiarity in Sana’s mind. It’s likened to the life she had as a child. And so, she pays attention.

Back in Seoul, a groggy Sana comes up for breakfast. To perk up, Jihyo offers her red ginseng tea. The Japanese takes a sip and felt the soil taste kicking. She expresses, “Thanks for the food. But why this?”

“It’s good for the body.” Jihyo then whisper something to her ear.

Jeongyeon arrives at the table too and notices the tea. She pats Sana’s back, “Oh~ Fighting Sana-yah. If you need more, I’ll buy you packs.”

Sana scratches head, “Yeah I think I do.”

After that calm and gentle movie night, Jihyo behaves in a possessive streak. She can’t get enough of Sana’s touches. Good thing, the Jjakkungs have a varying schedule allowing Sana to recharge.

For today, 20th day of February, she’s with Dahyun. The sky has turned orange when they finished work. While in the van going home, they turn the Vlive on.

“Once, I want to change my hair”, Sana says.

“To what?”

“I’m not sure. I want to change it. I want to make it bright again.”

“Brighter? Your hair will be in bad condition. I’m not the person to tell you that but…” Dahyun tells her though her hair situation is similar. They laugh.

Sana then randomly shares what she likes. “Is it fried cream shrimp? I haven’t eaten, now I’m craving.” It must have been long since the last time.

When suddenly, she says “I used to want Dahyun a lot.”

“You wanted me?”

“In the past.”

They start chuckling, Dahyun asks “What about now?”

“It’s time for me to change. Saida, now change to cola.”

Dahyun knows Sana isn’t only pertaining to fizzy drinks. Like Mina, she has also witnessed the progress of two people preferring cola merge into a true partnership. Sana’s now is Jihyo.

As the van moves, they pass by several restaurants. It’s stirring more cravings to Sana. Well, the red ginseng must be demanding her body to take in more food energy.

She says, “Why do I eat so much? I must be crazy these days.”

The conversation suddenly turned philosophical. Sana asks “If you can go back, do you want to go back?”

“Do you want to?”

“No. It doesn’t matter but if I go back, I would lose what I’ve learned. I don’t want to lose experience. It may be good to go back 3 years but… Anyway, that’s my thought.”

Experiences harbor self-awareness. Somehow, it also upgrades life’s compass. Sana has become aware, more certain of her preferences. And so, is now keen to drive life in a direction that has more of those.

“Do you have recent pics of Ari?” They are now talking about Dahyun’s dog.

“When I touch Ari, it feels so soft. It feels like this”, Sana massages Dahyun’s arm. She adds, “It’s similar to Dahyun.”

With the preferential changes that happened, this sensation has become unfamiliar to Sana. She asks “You lost weight, right?”

“I’m same”, Dahyun says.

Of course, it is Jihyo whom Sana likes and touches now. She realizes and says, “I guess I didn’t touch your body recently.” They laugh.

The following days, Twice is in Japan again. Shizuoka is blessed with the red ginseng-powered Jjakkungs. Mina is looking at those two. Jihyo is vibing to Stay By My Side enjoying herself that she missed some lines. Mina chuckles.

And when Sana sings hers, she looks at Jihyo:

_[Perhaps you are feeling the same way_

_I wish you do]_

Jihyo caresses Sana and cups her face. Before the Japanese can finish the line, the leader tilts head and leads a kiss. It must be automatic that Sana tilts too, as if to receive her partner’s lips as usual.

Sana closes eyes. Ever so ready to get in trouble with her partner for whichever way the world would react to such gesture. Jihyo, however, stops an inch distance.

Jihyo smirks. She takes her hand and together, they swing along. The kiss was a moment of indecision on the leader’s part. The urge was so strong. Yet, what’s the rush anyway when there’s plenty of time after?

In the hotel room, a more proper setting, Jihyo doesn’t hold back. And she can see that Sana’s body has improved. Seems all that tea she brewed wouldn’t fail her.

They weren’t kidding when they aim for health AND happiness in 2020. Jihyo has taken care of their health. Now onto happiness, she smirks and says “Ready for another round?”


	37. Switched Hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1) Mar2020 Announcements  
2) Mar2020 Twice Vlive  
3) Mar2020 Twicetagram  
4) Time to Twice Ep.1

Fate brings more opportunities to fulfill goals. But it doesn’t hand them in a silver platter. The girls have been looking forward for two incoming occasions: The Dome and Seoul Finale.

But by the time Twice got back to Korea, a viral crisis is spreading fast. The Corona cases jumped tenfold forcing restrictions in the international borders. Shizuoka became the last leg of Twicelights tour.

It’s only a month into the Year of the Rat. Yet, their goals are slipping through their fingers. As it seems, fate is testing the girls of how badly they want them.

The changes happening are drastic. Tzuyu, who raced back to her hometown in Taiwan, was first announced donating to both the Chinese and Korean treasuries fighting the pandemic.

Dahyun and Nayeon followed shortly donating in the Korean fund. These were personal decisions.

“Should I or should I not?” Jihyo is assessing.

Sana can sense there’s something holding her back. Considerably, Jihyo had already done so much for Korea covering the government’s unimaginable mistakes even when the public isn’t always nice to her.

Other than that, Jihyo has familial piety. The leader has taken up the financial obligation towards her sibling’s education. And with the sudden stop of gigs limiting the streams of income, saving up would rather be the priority.

“Don’t push yourself Jihyo-yah. We can do other ways to help”, Sana says as she has also evaluated. Jihyo listens carefully.

Afterall, Sana empathizes with her the most. The Japanese may not have any siblings but, that’s exactly what makes it difficult. She has no one else to rely on in giving back to parents and grandma while having her own life to build.

“Okay, what do you have in mind?”

“Uhm~ We could keep reminding everyone about precautions. Wear mask. Hand washing. Take care of oneself by eating healthy and exercising”, Sana enumerates.

The leader had already done this in her February 25th Instagram post with MiChaeng. But, are reminders in captions alone enough? Action-wise, Twice has added face masks into their airport fashion.

Well, there’s this crucial precaution Sana hasn’t mentioned yet. One that Jihyo hopes her partner wouldn’t suggest. Because then, the leader would have to choose between their goals.

Health or Happiness? For someone responsible, the choice is obvious.

Sana intentionally skipped IT. She wouldn’t even consider. But discussing with Momo and Nayeon after their recent audio Vlive, Sana recognizes the implication of the pandemic.

Nayeon asserts her unnie-ness, “You’ll have to choose health for now Sana-yah. A must sacrifice to achieve happiness later on. Jihyo wouldn’t say it but she will try to do what’s best for both of you. Don’t make it more difficult for her.”

“Ah good luck my chingu”, Momo mocks Sana.

Sana lifts her buried face from the table. “Can’t help it. I wanna be next to her. Ugh give me at least some time to adjust”, she slumps again.

In the ‘Fashion Club Room’, the first Vlive with Mina’s presence, the Jjakkungs are coughing and sniffing. With this in mind, Jihyo has been keeping hands to her own front pocket; carefully not touching Sana.

The Japanese, however, is such a tease to the leader’s urge. When Jihyo reaches for a cup, Sana is there to pour a drink. When Jihyo is shivering, Sana warms her by snuggling in with head resting on shoulder. When Jihyo sulks on the jokes, Sana goes in for a hug reassuring her.

Partners just can’t help being attentive to each other.

“Go ahead”, Sana even gives way for Jihyo to take a sip on the dalgona coffee Momo has been whisking.

“No, you first.” This is the hardest Jihyo could try.

She couldn’t push Sana right away nor pull herself out. Jihyo tries by being mindful of Sana’s health; intending to check on Sana but, without worsening her partner’s colds and infecting her of coughs.

Ironically by doing that, Jihyo is the one exposed to Sana and likely catch more of the colds. The leader is selfless, forgetting herself like that. So much for sharing fluids.

Honestly though, the leader couldn’t be blamed to do only the bare minimum. The past weeks were heavenly; getting used to grazing on the Japanese’s skin and waking up next to a beauty. She too needs time to adjust.

Sana clears throat attempting to confront the topic.

_Oh no, am I infecting her more? _Jihyo is sensing. As she’s on it too, the leader picks up the convo “So~ We’re in this cycle of cough and colds… Been thinking if we’re to consider- for the time being… that uhm…”

“Distancing? Y-yeah”, Sana sounds lukewarm.

The Japanese wouldn’t enjoy their little public service announcements. What is even the point? The public doesn’t recognize the intimacy between them. No one would notice when the partners put distance.

Regardless, this isn’t about contributing to better the global situation anymore. Health is personal. Sana too wouldn’t want to make Jihyo sound bad in the upcoming song recordings.

For the sake of each other, Sana and Jihyo agree on a systematic approach. Jihyo goes back to family home. The only way to know about each other’s whereabouts is through Twice social media notifs.

For now, they have to rely on Instagram to see how the other is doing. Sana smiles on a reminiscence when she asked Jihyo, “_Did you see it? I posted something._”

Tonight, on the 9th of March, it’s Jihyo who posts on Insta. A clip with hearts filter in Sana’s official color raining down on Jihyo’s super close-up ‘toothache’ pose.

And although the caption indicates addressing Once along with the question “How are you?” and rambles on about the app filter, Jihyo used a purple heart and a smiley to complete it. 

Nine days after, Sana also posts a clip. Of her simply tilting head with a caption saying “Are you well?” with a strawberry and flower. She too concludes it with a heart emoji in Jihyo’s color.

Just the next day, Jihyo posts a clip again. This time, she’s cutely projecting on camera with a teddy bear filter on. The caption has no words, just emojis. Purple heart, teddy bear, purple heart.

They have met up anyway shooting a reality show that would later be broadcasted as Time to Twice. A program where the girls could play and have fun.

In the show before the girls form into teams of three, Jihyo asks the captains “Anyone you don’t wanna be teams with?”

“It’s you Jihyo ssi yah”, Sana laughs while Jihyo humorously wails.

Meanwhile Nayeon, one of the other team captains, answers “For me, it’s Momo. Why are you dressed nicely for sports?”

“I wore short sleeves inside!” She shows it off.

Later while standing by on a break, Jihyo pouts on Sana “Yah~ You didn’t have to rub it further. It sucks. Why are we doing this again?”

“Yeah we’re crazy for doing this. Blame Corona”, Sana frowns.

That look is making Jihyo weak. She’s regretting “Sorry, never mind. It’s me who asked the question, I’ve set myself up. Please smile.”

Before the shoot resumes, Sana utters “Bogoshipda.”

Jihyo respires, “Could we at least allow ourselves a dinner?”

The shoot is done. Nayeon later goes on Vlive with Momo and a bit of Sana contacting and reserving restaurant seats. She’s taking time, however; Sana has gone ahead.

The unnie seems to be in a good mood that she withdrew the restraining order against Josh the stalker yesterday. Just the order, not the criminal charges. IF he returns to Korea, the immigration authorities will contact the police and arrest him right from the airport.

With this, Nayeon has one less worry to think about. As of now, she focuses on helping Momo leave traces of where she goes, how she spends time, and that it’s not with Heechul.

After a Live where the unnie mentors the dongsaeng on Korean proficiency, Nayeon discusses trips and activities they could do for the next days. “We’ve done painting lessons. Should we try hiking?”

“Anything with unnie is okay.”

“Anything?! What if I tell you to get a dog?”

Momo with eyes widened smiles ear to ear.


	38. Phone Calls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1) 200324 Mina's birthday Vlive  
2) 200324 Twicetagram for Mina's Day

March 24th—today is special. It’s Mina’s birthday and she’s celebrating through a solo Vlive. It’s been a long time. Mina can’t even remember the last. Regardless, it’s an opportunity to talk to Once. She reads some comments out loud.

“Please call the members” Of all the comments, she chooses this. For all she knows, people are testing Twice. Fishing for information of whether the girls are busy dating to even pick up the phone.

Somehow, it felt like a dare to her. And Mina is always up for the challenge. The challenge of catching Twice girls’ availability. Softly she says, “Should I try? Who should I call? I’m not sure if they’ll answer though.”

Nonetheless, Mina dials a number. “She’s not answering…” It’s taking a few rings but, “Oh! She picked up but I turned it off. She picked up but I ended the call and now we’re both calling each other.”

And when she gets through the line, she greets “Moshi moshi? I’m on Vlive right now. And they wanted me to call someone… I’ll turn on the speaker.”

Mina smiles as she gives way introducing this available Twice member. The one who answers is…

“MOMO imnida!”

It must be in Mina’s standards that she deemed Momo took long to answer. The latter reveals, it’s because she’s been going through MiMo photo collection to post for later. Momo is preparing quality Instagram greeting for Mina.

Mina acknowledges this and moves on to other Vlive comments. With Momo still on the line, Mina reads aloud “Did Momo give you a kiss?” With a hand on waist she answers, “No.”

THEY laugh. As in Mina, Momo, and another who has a high-pitched laugh heard on Momo’s side.

Unfortunately, since the Corona Virus is on the rise, it’s only sensible to skip the kiss tradition on Mina’s day. She would just get it later on.

To make a hopeful remark, Mina makes reference of affording Momo’s expensive kisses. And that she has to first save more bank roll before she could get it.

The call isn’t kept for long. Momo wouldn’t take more of the celebrant’s time with Once. They hang up.

Interestingly though, the audience of the broadcast seem to have a different agenda. “The comments…” Mina is noticing a lot of these, “They’re making me want to call someone. Shall I call someone?”

_So… This is what it feels like when people have false thoughts on._

Mina wasn’t able to participate in the rebellion. Yet, she’s now facing it upfront. The comments are moving her into sending the message.

So, she dials another. This time, the answer is rather quick “Yeoboseyo? I’m on Vlive. Can I turn on the speaker?”

Mina then cues her to speak up, “Who is this?”

“Annyeonghaseyo~ Jihyo imnida~ What’s up?”

“Fans asked if I could call someone. So, I called Momo earlier and we talked.”

“I see. What were you doing? What were you talking about?”

“We didn’t say much”, chuckles. “Told fans I’m doing Minecraft and Animal Crossing.”

“We have to show them pictures of Animal Crossing!” Jihyo is again sharing her whereabouts and that she’s nowhere else other than with Twice. Mina is solidifying her alibi.

“Oh, we took a lot of pictures when we’re playing yesterday. They’re so cute.”

“Yes~ I have to also show them the house I built on Minecraft. Let’s take pictures and show them later.”

“Yes, let’s do that. We were talking about that and hair.”

“What did they say?”

“Hmm~ They said it suits me well”, laughs. “I’m not sure. Gwaenchanayo?”

Mina and Jihyo have exhausted their laughs. The celebrant has felt fulfilled, finally contributing to the rebellion even if it took only now.

Well, it’s never late. As long as the public looks and believes anywhere other than Twice themselves, the girls will have to keep emphasizing their truth.

“Well, then. I just called.”

“Alright, Happy Birthday Minaring!”

“Komawoyo~ Bye bye!”

“See you later!” Jihyo hangs up.

“They must have all been prepared”, chuckles then sudden stop. Mina places palm under chin and adds, “They answer right away.”

To be precise, it’s Jihyo who picked up right away. It’s as if she has blocked her own sched just anticipating for Mina’s calls. The leader’s ability is amazing. Not because she’s godly; she’s just human. But what makes things possible for GodJihyo, as what the girls have been saying and doing, is TEAMWORK.

Mina tries another call as the comment section is flocked with such request. She dials the number but it can’t get through. She says, “I tried Sana but she’s on a phone call. Maybe later.”

She wasn’t able to get back to her as she ends the broadcast 5 minutes later.

Back when Mina was calling the first member of her choosing, Momo was busy scrolling through several devices for Mina’s pictures. That high-pitched voice had to rummage through Momo’s table.

She found the phone and passed it to the owner, “Yah! Momo-yah, Mitang is calling!”

“Thank you, Sana-yah~ O! She turned it off.” Momo then tried to call Mina back.

Sana shook head. She went back to her own phone call, “Jihyo-yah mianda. Momo is muddled. I even had to help getting her phone.”

“Yup, it’s okay. I’m also preparing the greeting for Mina.” Sooner, Jihyo suddenly found herself listening to Sana bursting into laughter. She asked, “Ah wae? Wae? What happened to Momo?”

“No, it’s Mitang being sassy to Momorin about not getting her kiss yet”, chuckles. “By the way, people asked Mina to call members. There could be many of THAT comments for her to notice it.”

“Ah well. No problem. Mina can call us anytime.”

“Not when we’re talking to each other, Jihyo-yah. And you know how it is, people will think your line is busy for that guy.”

“Ehh~ Why do you sound like we have to hang up now?”

“So that you could answer Mina’s call faster than Momo.”

Jihyo didn’t want to hang up, “What else do people want? I already told them something is untrue. We’ve been showing them how we are. Can they just take it or leave it? Bogoshipdago~ Let’s talk more.”

“Uhuh~ Unfortunately, this would go on until people believe in the companies’ words than ours. And are you gonna be okay with people thinking wrongly of you again?”

Sana then suggested, “Well we can talk AFTER you talk with Mitang. For now, let’s hang up. Momo has finished taking her call.”

Jihyo took her partner’s suggestion. Anyway, it would only take a few minutes away from Sana. The leader laid the phone down, intently waiting for it to ring and be able to answer Mina faster than Momo. And so, she did.

Jihyo then went back into calling Sana and happily told of her success. Sana complimented her, “O~ My Jjakkung is amazing!”

“Yeah yeah, anything for you… So, can we not hang up until you really REALLY have to go?”

“Lucky for you. That would be until the evening.”

Sana and Jihyo talked until the Japanese had to go with Momo and Mina for a J-line date. The trinity preserved this precious memory by photoboothing and later shared them to Twicetagram.


	39. She says "Pretty"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1) Twicetagram  
2) Twice at Giant Peng TV

One day at a time, Twice is returning to normal as if the crippling issues didn’t happen. It’s been a while since they have filmed as 9 guesting for a show. But still with the pandemic situation, it’s the collaborator who has gone to JYPE for the shoot.

Today, March 28th, the girls are filming with Pengsoo. A mascot character from Giant Peng TV Youtube Channel. This giant penguin goes to the JYP building to get an exclusive training session with Twice, as he aims to become a star himself.

Momo has led on the dance lessons. Later, Pengsoo teams up with her to compete against MiChaeng for the trending lessons. Saying, it is a must to ride trends to stay relevant which nowadays is, making dalgona coffee.

Jeongyeon, Sana, Dahyun, and Tzuyu have taught the penguin about charm lessons. They demonstrate through this generation’s new media norm, ASMR, advising him to reveal his charms by how he could adorably communicate even on a peculiar situation.

Lastly, Nayeon and Jihyo for voice lessons. The members would then evaluate if Pengsoo passed or failed. 8 have put up a circle letting him pass except Jihyo, who looks over to Sana’s hand.

“Oh!”, the Japanese pans to the leader too and is surprised by her judgement. Jihyo quickly changes her crossed fingers to MATCH her partner’s circle hand gesture. Sana unwittingly does the same while Jihyo transitions. Jjakkungs end up with heart-shaped hands, kind of a hybrid of cross and circle.

Sana excitedly takes selcas and posts on Twicetagram with a caption, “When will this come out?” along with flower, a chick, and again a heart emoji in Jihyo’s color. Well instead of the usual orange, Sana used yellow.

That excitement. They look forward to having schedules; as it means, they don’t have to settle in knowing about each other thru social media or phone calls. This also means Jihyo could spend the night at the dorm.

Jihyo hovers phone to Sana teasing her about the IG post, “Miss me this much?”

“Mm-hmm, very much. Like purple heart-teddy bear-purple heart”, giggles. “I’m wondering if you lost weight nowadays.”

Sana intends to estimate by sensation. When she’s about to reach for Jihyo’s thigh, Jeong shushes them. “Yah! You two just got better. And you’re at it again.”

The Japanese instantly pulls hand and bite her own fingers while the leader bows head. Sana then gradually walks out while saying “Okay~ Rest well Jihyo-yah! We still have a long day tomorrow. Jjaljayo!”

“Sana-yah, breakfast tomorrow? I’ll serve us something healthy.”

The Japanese nods and smiles. Feeling blessed, the leader clasps knuckles in happiness. She senses the gaze from the best friend and becomes defensive “Early rest. Healthy breakfast. See, we’re taking care of health. We’re being careful.”

“I can see you’re doing well”, Jeongyeon scrunches face. “Just- be more careful. You two.”

Jihyo is puzzled. How much more careful should they be?

Breakfast. As promised, Jihyo has prepared fruits and veggies. Today’s menu is salads. To add twist, she’s recommending her partner to put some balsamic vinegar. Like the experience with red ginseng though, Sana finds it to be an acquired taste.

The Japanese however, doesn’t whine this time. Well, she’s used to salads. It’s just the dressing for her is a bit off this time. Nonetheless, she diligently eats the food knowing her partner has prepared it with caring intention.

Incidentally, Sana has read a recent topic on Jihyo being a caring friend. The Japanese brings it up as lately, Gugudan Sejeong has mentioned about it on interviews.

Turns out, when Sejeong was struggling, Jihyo cared for her and told her “_If you’re gonna be alone then be alone with me. We’ll be together but I’ll give you time for yourself._” They then went on a camping trip.

“You’re amazing Jihyo-yah”, Sana lauds her partner.

“Wanna know how I thought of it?” Jihyo asks her the inspiration for such kindness. Sana anticipates. The leader says, “Through you! I’ve been looking at you and do you know what I’ve seen?”

Looks to her with all ears, the Japanese is on to the leader with such attentiveness. The leader motions the back of hand towards her partner’s face.

Eye to eye, Jihyo tells Sana “It’s you always being with me. Even when I felt going alone. Even when I want to do things all by myself. When I think about it now, I don’t think I could endure. Your ways are proven. And so, I was also able to care for others.”

Smiles, “You’re the one who’s amazing Sana. You’re the best.” The leader leans forward and wraps arms around her partner. “O… “, when Jihyo realizes the lack of social distance, she flinches. Yet, Sana pulls her back.

“Nah, come here. It’ll be okay. Hugs are healthy too. For the heart.”

They chuckle under their breaths. Time is precious, it’s a moment to be seized in the name of happiness. Since Jihyo wouldn’t say no to Sana, she then campaigns on health somewhere else.

Hence later, she shares some candid solo photos on Instagram. Also included a photo with Tzuyu and then, some app filter clips. The caption is sealed just by a smiley: “Everyone is taking good care of health, right?! We are having our schedule indoor as carefully as possible. Fighting!”

Sooner, a member has commented on the post. With a purple heart along with a baby, hamster, and squirrel emoji, she says “Pretty <3”

The leader beams as she notices. Quite obvious as to WHO sent it, she gazes at the sender and again waves phone at her. The Japanese shrugs with a gratified look knowing that Jihyo’s trip with Tzuyu for Park parents’ anniversary went well.

Jihyo approaches and takes the chance to invite Sana, “Please join next time?”

“To your family?” Sana gives her a glimpse and a weak smile then goes away, busies herself at work.

This question isn’t brought up often. The leader knows that it’s something that the Japanese is yet to be ready for. In this matter, Sana is the indecisive one while Jihyo is the one to wait.

“O~ Sorry to witness that”, best friend Jeong appears from the side.

She tells Jihyo “In Sana’s defense, no one in your family has expressed about her. Come to think of it, your parents dote on Tzuyu. Your sister favors Momo. I don’t think Sana senses a warm welcome that she’s used to. It’ll take time.”

“I know”, the leader sighs. Jihyo couldn’t deny the familiar warmth Sana has significantly received from the other members’ families especially the YOOs. Ironically, when it comes to the family of partner Jihyo, Sana may have felt walking on eggshells.

Jihyo adds, “It may neither be my parents nor siblings show fondness. But, it’s me who likes her. It’s ME who’s gonna be with her, not them.” Imploring, “God forbid having to choose only one.”

Jeongyeon can only nod at the concern Jihyo has expressed. Considering that the leader has responsibly helped her own family, Jeong acknowledges that her best friend Jihyo deserves whatever happiness she chooses.

The leader’s question is left unanswered when one of their managers suddenly informs them “Jihyo ssi, you are both called to meet with the higher ups.”

Jeongyeon gulps at what she heard and shoots Jihyo a look. The leader is again puzzled squinting at the other trying to make sense of it. Jeong rechecks with the manager pointing at herself, “By both you mean?”

“It’s Jihyo”, she says. “And Sana ssi.”

Jeong bows a bit as the manager leaves. She then turns to Jihyo, “You two have been more careful. Right?! Or- did you expose yourselves??”

“Jihyo-yah”, Sana comes back with brows curved.

The Jjakkungs later find themselves facing not only Wook Sajangnim and JYP PD-nim but, the whole JYPE board of trustees. Park Jinyoung, their fatherly producer, utters “Sorry.”

“…How does this concern us? Sajangnim, you promised.”

Knees failing, Sana and Jihyo lean to each other upon hearing “Our hands are STILL tied Jihyo ssi.”


	40. Whisper Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1) April 2020 Twicetagram  
2) SuperStar JYPNATION ads  
3) Twice whisper game  
4) JYP, Nayeon, Dahyun Knowing Bros  
5) JYP No.1x50 concert  
6) April 2020 magazine features  


“Ugh… Yeoboseyo? Ne, San-shin?” Nayeon body achingly picks up a phone call and the first thing she does is tease Momo.

They went hiking yesterday as shared on Twicetagram. The grannies passing by were shocked seeing a mane too bright that they called Momo as san-shin, meaning mountain spirit.

“Unnie”, Momo scratches head as she looks over to Sana hyper-focusingly cooing on Boo, the newly gotten puppy. “Uhh~ How come it’s okay for us to do things together? I mean, why can’t those two get away with IT like we do?”

The unnie wipes face perking herself up “Momo-yah, the circumstances are different. We’re unlike Sana and Jihyo, we’re not a couple. OUR manner of clearing the issue wouldn’t make people get the wrong idea…”

Momo’s circumstance is that of dealing with Heechul, whom Twice could personally ask and make considerate arrangements with. While Jihyo was paired to an entire stranger, arranged only among companies.

Pure business. The thing about such deals is that they are ruthlessly professional. There’s no room for friendly compromises.

Jeong has sensed that the weeks of peace were too good to be true. Her hunch was amplified when Mina got weirded out gaming on SuperStar JYPNATION. She said “_Eh, what is this?! Suddenly, there’s Kang Daniel ad??_”

It occurred to Jeongyeon that Konnect may be asserting their end of the bargain and JYPE had to deliver. So when the manager informed them about the meeting, she gulped in concern sensing another of fate’s betrayal towards Jihyo.

She has asked Jihyo then to be more careful. She personally experienced how JYPE could get back at them even just for a beer Vlive broadcast back in July 2019. It’s petty. But really, how much careful is careful and in what way?

The Jjakkungs met the Board. Some directors were disappointed at what they’re witnessing. Projected on the screen were the times that Sana and Jihyo were deemed TOO sweet that the public may get the wrong idea.

Of course, their recent conduct too was called out. Especially, the one where Sana commented “Pretty <3” on Jihyo’s post. Sajangnim had to ask, “_Is this necessary Sana ssi?_”

“_Sir, I- I don’t understand… What’s wrong? Isn’t that just being honest and sincere_.” Shortly gazed at Jihyo, “_Aren’t we being true to ourselves? See, our mind is healthy like this_.”

“_Sana ssi, kumanhae. You two are overdoing it._”

“_Overdoing?_”

Jihyo closed eyes for a moment as she felt slighted “_Sajangnim, people are still thinking wrongly. They are SOLD to what Dispatch reported of me. Them even celebrating anniversary of me dating him?! We haven’t done enou-_”

“_THAT’S ENOUGH_.”

“_Sajangnim, you promised!_” Getting carried away, “_You promised to give us more opportunities to message Once. That the home I go to is not his. That Nayeon and Jeongyeon are unnies who do mind image. That Sana is my partn-_”

“_Until where do you plan to go?! That greed wouldn’t seem to stop at simply showing you’re not dating him! Can you really protect yourselves and take responsibility when the line is crossed huh?!_”

JYP raised palm, interjecting “_Sorry. But the situation too has come to this…_”

“_Kang Daniel had cut promotions, as you’ve known. His rest period went short though. Seems comeback’s a must asap. Though he recently did, they’ve already lost significantly_.”

Confused, she asked “And so?! _How does this concern us?_”

“Due to the incident, _we thought Konnect would withdraw the deal._” CEO then bluntly told them, “_Our hands are still tied Jihyo ssi.”_

Sana and Jihyo leaned to each other as they fumble into their seats. The CEO added, “_What do you think are the exchange deal of the setup?_”

Deals are never charity. Parties give what the other need. Becoming a front act doesn’t just mean serving as a façade covering for someone/thing. This is what the other has given. Front act also means preceding the main act.

Anyone in that position is promised to be hyped. And so, the Sajangnim must deliver “_We’re giving them the sched of your content releases which, Kang Daniel could sync with. We’re also taking advantage of Info Sales Routes-_”

“_T-those who spread company info?! Sajangnim~_”

The partners were shattered by this ruthlessness; this method of utilizing even those bunch who were the cause of headache during Nayeon’s stalking situation.

What info to feed them this time? The untrue, basically. Anything canon to the company’s official public statement in order to supply intrigue and consequently, hype the names.

Nodding, the CEO continued “_Gurae. It doesn’t concern you as it is company info. NOT YOUR personal. Treat it like any other airport schedule that stalkers buy_.”

“_As for this_,” his index moved in circles summing up the Jjakkungs, “_I don’t want you two together in the searches. Nor trending more than what’s according to the deal. Meeting adjourned._”

The rest had gone except for JYP himself. He couldn’t bring himself to restrict the girls. During his concert last December 28th, he had spotted Sana and Jihyo side by side in their seats enjoying the show like the Jjakkungs that they are.

He had seen firsthand the happiness between the two that inspire each other. Yet there is duty to the company first. Thus, he carefully approached Sana and Jihyo who were unmoving. There went his advice as kind as he could:

“_HONESTY doesn’t necessarily mean making the truth known. It’s enough to not tell lies and merely describe the false. Which you already did Jihyo-yah. Like that Whisper Game, it’s up to them now._”

That game which Twice had played a lot; and that JYP too had experienced in Knowing Brothers. It’s like ‘Pass the Message’ but with a twist—everyone’s wearing a noise-blasting headphone. The message had to be shouted. Or enunciated.

In this situation, Jihyo had passed the message. As for comprehension, it is now in Once’s court. Sana seethingly spoke her mind, “_If only we could get rid of the headphone, all that noise… Let’s at least, NOT ADD to it PD-nim_.”

It pained the fatherly producer seeing how these two clasps hands, as if never wanting to back down. He had to break it to them the world’s cruel reality. Yet, lent a suggestion that may be of use in the future should these two remain tightly holding each other.

“_It may be bothersome to be linked with someone else. But keep it professional. Give way to the deal. It must serve purpose. Cause let’s face it, THIS_” gestured pertaining to Jjakkungs, “_has no place in Korea._”

This is how different Jihyo’s situation is from Momo. What Nayeon does with Momo wouldn’t make people get the wrong idea. There are no hugs and kisses involved. No sharunghae, heart switches, and ‘pretty’ comments.

Even if they did, the unnie has no problem confronting the matter as she is in control of the issue. The dongsaeng realizes that the Im Nayeon is with her after all.

Meanwhile, Jihyo has Sana. Though her chingu is well-loved, Sana is still just a foreigner and a Japanese at that. Add to that a cutesy-sexy image, she’d be taken lightly.

With the mood right now, Momo figures lifting it a bit. She gathers everyone at the dorm; which are only the foreign line. They decided to play a Truth or Dare game. On Sana’s turn, Momo, Mina, and Tzuyu come up with a dare.

They’re making her call a member of her own choosing. Then, the only words she’d utter are the lines they’ve thought for her. This of course didn’t magically erase the issues they’re enduring. But they had a good laugh.

Something could be deduced from this little game too. The Korean members are out of the dorm for days now; and that they are deeply missed. Hence, the game. A good excuse to make a call and know how they’re doing.

At the time, Jihyo was picking up some homemade pet snacks at the Yoo residence. While Jeong was sharing about cat food making, the phone ringing interrupted her.

“O! It’s Sana-yah.” With the loudspeaker on, she greeted “Yeoboseyo?”

They were caught off guard. The words heard were, “How much do you love me? You know I really love you right?”

“Should it be passed to you”, Jeong glared mouthing at Jihyo wondering why she’s the one receiving this. Nonetheless, she went back to the call and received it as she would any other of Sana’s. The best friend interrogated the leader right after.

“Well”, Jihyo tried to explain the other complication that transpired in the boardroom. “That time, I was so full of it. Sick, tired, done. I’d do anything to wreck the deal just to stop the link to him.

And since his purpose is to cover me and Sana up, I kind of~ Blurt out that we… So that he would have nothing to cover anymore and be usele-”

“You and your misplaced pent-up anger”, Jeongyeon gave her the hand shushing her. 

“Week by week. Sana’s solo mag feature will be released. As well as our Allure preview with your face on it. Then, we’ll prepare for comeback where we’ll see each other everyday including in the dorm. So, how are you supposed to live with what you did?”

Feeling a secondhand embarrassment, Jeong berated Jihyo. The best friend found it necessary to call the leader, “You idiot.”


	41. Honest Mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1) Sana's 1st Look Magazine  
2) Twice Allure, Jihyo  
3) April 2020 Twicetagram  
4) Kang Daniel, Naver trend

_I’m an idiot._

When JYP was about to leave, all of a sudden—Jihyo yelled, “_Tell me PD-nim. What does it take to stop the deal?! He would be useless; noTHING TO COVER IF I WERE TO BREAK UP WITH- _“ 

The producer paused on his tracks. He looked over those two with their grasps now broken off. In shock of herself, Jihyo brought hands over mouth.

“_Oh._” Eyes up the ceiling trying to pull those tears in, it was too much for Sana to hear. She excused herself and walked out the door.

An advice had just been given for the future. As it seems, Jihyo too was paying attention to her most hated noise and missed the message. The fatherly producer bows in frustration, “_You know what this looks like?_”

“_Convenience. You’re too disgusted of Kang Daniel that it’s become more important for you to wreck the deal, by any means. Even by losing Sana. Do you really care for her? Or, are you just using her to show you’re not dating him?_”

Jihyo is often clueless to these things. Case in point, she didn’t even notice she has fallen. With the pressure from the boardroom, the more she doesn’t recognize which is which. It’s the members who spot it and help her realize.

In the dorm, 3 of the foreign line connived. Tzuyu asked, “_And if Sana-unnie calls other members instead?_”

“_Then, they’ll know what to do. Especially, Jeong-ie_.” Momo said.

Boo ran to them, “_Boo-chan here here~ Good boi~ Two of your moms in quarrel. Help us too, okay? …Wrap up, Sana’s gonna walk in soon_.”

“_Alright. Jihyo is preparing for the Melody Project. Pretty sure other members will get the message_.” Mina softly huddled with the two, “_Twice Twice jjalja!_”

A week passes. The 1st Look magazine releases its April issue. A mini interview is also uploaded on its Youtube channel. Sana shared about the games in the dorm and the penalty she got.

While on standby, Jihyo has a glimpse of this clip on loop. She watches Sana’s narration retelling the lines, “How much do you love me?”

And on the desk, there’s a copy of the mag. She opens it. Then commences marveling through the pages, gawking over the Japanese posing with colorful dresses on.

She stops at an orange-dressed Sana who’s carrying the rest of her clothing into arms. There’s this calming air pulling her temple to lightly rest on it. Fingertips tracing to where her gazes are. Greed didn’t get the best of her this time.

Jihyo is contented to lay beside Sana like this, even just as a print. Pouting, “Annyeong, my dear queen~ You have every right to be cold to me. I’ve become a bad girl. Aren’t I?”

Turns inward and buries face, “I’m an idiot for thinking it.”

Jihyo and her misplaced pent-up anger. All those indecisions have repressed her strong emotions. She has kept taking things in. But with the lack of healthier expression, it’s blurted out at a moment uncalled for.

The idea of breakup has been at the back of her head; especially from when anxiety worsened. It was a thought intended for the reported boyfriend. But how could there be a breakup when there’s no relationship in the first place?

The leader then has resorted to getting in trouble with the Japanese. Jihyo is THAT disgusted of Daniel, she would rather cling and be linked with Sana.

Which lead her to wrestle with the thought. _How much do I love you? Do I really love you, Sana-yah? Or am I really just… using you in order for me to oppose any link to him? _

Gazes back at Sana and sighs, “What I know is that… Your being with me- gives me strength, lends me life, makes me happy. What do you call this then?”

Tap on the shoulder, the train of thought is interrupted. Jihyo must now enter the recording booth, the proper place to let these emotions out. She wears the headphones on, ready to remake a ballad for the Melody Project.

Cue: A Late Night of 1994.

_[In an empty room, when I’m all alone_

_Only then I might realize_

_That you are not there…_

_I hope you remember this_

_How much I love you, _

_I love you]_

Another week passes. The Allure preview for the US May issue is released this time. The girls have been on meetings finalizing concept for the 9th mini album comeback. Sensing that the Jjakkungs have become—formal with each other nowadays, NoJams Jeong and Chaeng are onto a scheme again.

“Anything from behind the scenes you got there?” Jeongyeon asks Jihyo as an attempt to wing for her. She infers it might help the leader break the ice towards the Japanese and fix the rift between the partners.

After all, it’s through Twicetagram that the Jjakkungs have picked up conversations. With lips sealed, the leader smiles back in tiny. Jihyo proceeds posting some extras from the photoshoot.

The other members side-glance each other. Chaeyoung then initiates scrolling through the post. The kid rebel shows phone to Mina who’s beside Sana, “This just slaps, right? Look at Jihyo-unnie! Look at herrrr!”

Mina grabs and holds the phone giving Sana a peek on it. She nods and makes satisfied hums waiting for the latter to second her response.

Appreciation for the post is cut short, however. One of the managers informs the leader to delete it. Members are disgruntled, “Aw~ But the photos have come out well!”

“Wae, manager unnie?” The members have lit up as they’re finally hearing Sana comment about Jihyo. She asks, “What’s wrong?”

The Japanese was able to post about her 1st Look shoots on IG; she finds it unfair for the leader. So, upon learning that the directives came from Allure’s side and it’s due to copyrights, Sana expresses regret. “Shame. Jihyo is pretty.”

Later in the dorm, the girls settle with their newly arranged roommates. There’s Nayeon, Momo, and Sana. Dahyun, Chaeyoung, and Tzuyu on the other. And here’s Jeongyeon, Jihyo, and Mina.

“Hey, idiot. Heard what Sana said?”

“Mm”, Jihyo responds timidly. Drops to bed, she puts the back of hand on forehead “But what does that mean? Does she still want me? Would she forgive and accept me again?”

“It means she still cares about you. It means you have a chance to work things out with her”, Mina takes notice. She adds, “She forgives. May take longer than usual though. This is the gravest one, I believe.”

“As for the rest, only way to find out is to woo her back.” Jeong advices.

“How?” Jihyo now brings another hand up and together massages her own scalp to come up with ideas. “What should I do for her to like me?”

It’s as if her life is on the line. Well, it IS Sana who is at stake.

There’s no excuse to what’s done. Though it may be deemed an honest mistake, Jihyo knows she still did wrong. She can’t lose Sana and that she’ll regret if she wouldn’t do whatever it takes to get her back.

The following day, Jihyo does her best to be liked by Sana. She shows up at the dance practice embodying one of the Japanese’s most loved. Instead of dyeing hair with Sana’s official color which is Purple, Jihyo went with the favorite—Pink.

The choreography is the most challenging yet. It’s taking day ‘til night to absorb the moves. Dinner break, manager unnie excuses the leader for a phone call from Wook Sajangnim.

Jihyo is puzzled at first. But eventually, felt in luck and joyful upon hearing what is said. The CEO instructs “About you and Sana, I take back what I said. Go forth.”

“I- uh… have to fix things but I’m glad to work on that. Why the sudden change, Sajangnim?”

“Apologies, I really thought he’s a good guy. Now I see what Nayeon was furious about. Now I realize what kind of guy he is…”

The leader races back with the desire to share this news as loud and clear as her vocals. Especially to the one who has to hear it. Without slowing down, she bumps right into Sana embracing her.

“Mianhae, Sana-yah…”

The Japanese catches the leader and steadies her. Jihyo, however, senses Sana pushing away through the shoulders. She tells her, “I- have something important to say.”

“I already know”, Sana presents phone displaying the day’s trending discussion about Kang Daniel solely following K-Tigers Kim Youjin, a member of a rookie K-pop group, on Instagram.

As expected from the deal, the name Daniel is making noise following Jihyo’s Allure stint. Regardless of how negative the content of that noise is, it would still turn heads and have people talk.

“This may be out of habit that you cling to me, with the way the comments are going.” Sana utters letting go of Jihyo’s arms, “But that won’t be necessary anymore. Chukahae, Jihyo ssi! It seems the breakup you ever wanted is on its way.”

“Sana-yah”, the leader tries to oppose the formal way of addressing each other. Yet, it fails as the reigning message on the Japanese’s understanding is that they are over.

Sana resumes dance practice leaving Jihyo sighing in frustration.


	42. God Gone Bad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1) Twice Allure  
2) Kang Daniel Instagram  
3) Kang Daniel Cyan promo  
4) Time to Twice: Noraebang  
5) More & More filming

Wook Sajangnim received a negative report from the Public Relations team. Jihyo was gaining ugly comments. Alas, the kind of noise that Kang Daniel synced with the Allure preview wasn’t what he expected.

He phoned the young CEO, “_Shouldn’t you be more careful following another girl on social media, Kang Sajangnim? This is reflecting badly on Jihyo ssi_.”

Scoffed, “_Ah really? How bad?_”

Must be due to Korea’s patriarchal society that the Konnect CEO wasn’t worried. Instead of accusing him of cheating, society was blaming Jihyo for looking old and ugly that brought Daniel to seek another girl.

Taken aback by the inconsiderate response, Wook Sajang suddenly recalled Nayeon’s furious complaint about Daniel’s self-centric damage control in the wake of the dating news.

Him addressing it solely as a singer, not as an involved man, as if washing his hands of the issue. This abandoned Jihyo to carry all the dirt. Strike one.

And then his infamous breakdown at the dawn of MAMA awards, throwing off Jihyo unprepared. Strike two.

With the reinstatement of the deal, the JYPE CEO expected fair conduct this time. He even had to scold Sana and Jihyo for their unnecessary public displays. Yet, here’s the young CEO provoking to be called out.

Thus, the senior voiced “_We are letting you ride on our hype. It’s not part of the deal for you to detriment us like this. You are being disrespectful_.”

“_Your hype didn’t do shit. I still have to pull myself up to get the most out of this. Even to a point of pertaining about her_.”

Daniel mentioned in one of the Cyan promotions that for girls, beauty spots under eye are attractive. Which Jihyo has at her right cheek. With this, the general public would see him as an admiring boyfriend.

The dating news has blocked interviews for months. Silence has been implemented. All of a sudden, he’s breaking it; to think he had already omitted Jihyo since the beginning. As if this move is necessary now. Desperate.

Its effect, however, wasn’t at par to his demands. He blamed the lack of results to Jihyo’s shameless renouncement. “_Tch, talk about disrespect- SHE is the one rude here, blatantly fooling around. And worse, with a Japanese girl!_”

“_KANG DANIEL SSI_.” 

One shot, straight-up. Jihyo slams the now empty glass to the table. Though their CEO has finally woken up to his senses and withdrawn restrictions for the Jjakkungs, this isn’t a celebration.

While the leader drowns her own frustrations, the 3-mix unnies are keeping her company. Jeongyeon pours on their glasses, “Quite late for apologies. The damage has been done since that guy was brought in.”

She raises glass and adds “And look, he did it again! For the THIRD TIME. Ah jincha. The irony of ugly comments on a beauty magazine, brought to us by the bestest boy in Korea.”

Nayeon, on the other hand, exclaims in gibberish how she’s been right and what the men in authority should’ve done.

“If Jyo reall had t- save Korea, Sajang shoulda setup her up wid her ideal. Don’ make it hardrr for nyone. Should b sum one dependable. Or! or… a Least sum who won’t bring u down.”

Jihyo chuckles on a memory back in What is Love era where she quizzes herself to the members. In which, the unnie guessed everything right. Shaking head, the leader mockingly retests “What kind of guy is my dream guy?”

“I said~ Dependable guyyyy. How may time do I haf to b right?!”

Jihyo sluggishly smiles as she swings hand side to side, “Unnie~ You’re wrong. She’s not a namja. She’s not just a dream. She is”, starts blaring, “SANAAAA!! You’re the real deal~ Mianhaeyo! Saranghandagoo!”

_How much do you love me?_

“I don’t know but-” She casts her cares on her chosen poison. For every shot chugged down, it kicks her into vivid reminiscence.

The risks she has taken flashes through mind. Especially, the Music Bank kiss. The kiss that best friend Jeong had to plot with the rest of Twice.

Jihyo has fear of what people would think and say. Yet, she welcomed judgement the moment her lips touched her one and only Sana.

The authenticity of every moment, the presence with her all this time, Jihyo couldn’t deny it that she wouldn’t stomach to be partnered with someone else. Thus, she found answers.

Jihyo is not using Sana to show she’s not dating Daniel. Rather, she’s forsaking him because her truth is Sana. For her, there can only be one partner she belongs to. Hence, she rejects anyone who is not _her_.

THIS is how much Jihyo loves Sana. But how could she measure this? She doesn’t know how much that she could only profess “I really really love you, Sana-yah.”

Jihyo leans as she loses grip. Fallen and caught. The leader entrusts herself to this warm and steady presence. It whiffs off a familiar sweet smell, that of candies. She likes it. Her newly found grip clutches tighter.

So tight, wincing is felt and groans are heard.

Her brows furrowed, slowly waking up to reality. And it’s beautiful. On bed, Jihyo found herself fully wrapped around a now orange-haired Sana. She couldn’t help but smile at the thought, _she loves me too_.

Could be an even more beautiful sight if Jihyo could eliminate Sana’s faint clamor and bring her peace. Thus carefully, she tries to untangle herself without disturbing the other. Her arm is stuck, however.

The queen awakens.

“Mian”, Jihyo whispers. “For…”

The leader wants to say more, as this isn’t just for invading the bed space. But the Japanese turns aside as she heard enough raw confession last night. Sana sedately speaks, “For everything? Me too. Could we-”

Jihyo anticipates anything her queen may ask of her. Sana continues “From now on, could we be more… tender and kind to each other?”

“O?” It got Jihyo thinking. Tender, she said. Sana must’ve been hurt so badly for her to ask it. The leader imprints this in mind and swears to the best of her ability in fulfilling it. Whatever that tender means. “I’d like that too.”

Sana serenely breathes into this new day. The Jjakkung relationship starts anew. But catching up would have to be saved for later. She stretches out priming oneself and says “Kaja. We might run late.”

Right, they are the busy Twice. Lots to shoot today, they get up and hustle accordingly. By the time they arrive at the last shoot, they’re dazed. The leader mutters in flat tone, “Let’s have fun.”

The rest of the girls give her a look nudging her to change up since they are filming a fun-filled program. Nayeon murmurs back, “Sure, have fun!”

Jihyo slaps herself, “What’s up with me?”

Perked up, they then greet “Hana, deul, set! One in a million! Annyeonghaseyo~ Twice imnida!”

Today, April 16th—Twice is playing Karaoke games for their reality show. Jihyo gestures hand towards Sana, as if giving her the mic to shout the next spill. There’s a bit of delayed response though, as it’s unexpected.

The partners talk with their eyes. The Japanese turns to the camera upon understanding the leader. “Time to~ TWICE!”

When it felt lacking, Sana brushes on Jihyo’s thigh urging a redo. She’s requesting to sound more fun and bright karaoke style. With arms up hands waving vigorously, Jihyo leads this time.

Like the previous set of games, Twice is divided into 3 teams. For today, they are: JeongSaMi as Team Madonna, NaJiTzu in Team Michael Jackson, and DaChaeMo for Team Bobby Brown.

In the segment Running Karaoke, any member of a team must race to one live mic amongst three when they know the song from cue and then sing it with the precise lyrics.

This type of games significantly puts the foreign line to disadvantage. Sana is timid most of the time while the others have gone fiercely competitive especially Jihyo.

But then comes up a cue that the Japanese is familiar with. She joins the battle to the live mic. When Chaeyoung gets the words mixed, Sana steps in to steal. To which Jihyo has also been looking for a chance.

The leader pushes herself in. Upon realizing she’s crossing Sana, Jihyo stops immediately. She remains still on her side with head bowed down waiting sheepishly. Tender, she remembers. She wouldn’t fight Sana.

Filming wraps up. While packing stuff, Jeong jokingly shoves Jihyo and teases about Sana. “Seems you two made up?”

“Kamsa”, Jihyo expresses gratitude. 

“What did I do? Thank your idiocy.” In Jeong’s memory of last night, Jihyo crawled her way to Sana’s doorstep. She had kept knocking and calling until she’s let in.

The leader smiles foolishly. Like the ones she emanated behind Sana during the reality show filming. She shrugs telling Jeong, “Can’t say we’ve made up. More like, we’re learning about _us _in depth.”

Jjakkungs got passed the flirting phase. The serious fight laid tough questions that geared Sana and Jihyo into maturity. Defining what it means to be tender and kind.

So far, Jihyo has thought that it meant physical gentleness. Giving Sana the space to breathe. And that she must work on channeling anger to healthier expression.

Of course, this too ain’t easy. The following days, whenever the leader puts distance, the Japanese goes astray and find others’ tenderness. Jihyo couldn’t reconcile what Sana meant.

She’s supposed to be understanding of Sana’s affectionate nature, if not be professional in the More & More filming set. Yet, she can’t hide the sulkiness in watching Sana around Dahyun.

She resides on a thought of what this could be. “Ah, the punishment for being a bad girl.”


	43. Blind Assumption

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1) Twice TV More & More Eps  
2) April 2020 Twicetagram  
3) 200426 Twice arrival  
4) Seize the Light premiere

“Saengil chukahamnida~!!”

The girls squeeze in for group photos in celebration of Chaeyoung’s birthday in the More & More filming set. Jihyo stands right next to Sana. They pose their brightest smiles.

“Took you so long. What have you been doing elsewhere?” The Japanese thereafter asks softly. But with what the leader has seen a while ago, she tells her “Well you already got Dahyun wrapped all over you doing heart hands.”

“Did you actually see?”

Jihyo scoffs, “What?! Is there anything to see??”

“So, you didn’t see.” Sana rolls eyes.

“Huh? What else would there be? Why would I wanna see you flirting”, Jihyo raises a point by this rhetorical query. What else would THE dangerous Sana be doing but be all touchy feely.

And since she’s with Dahyun, the person whom the Japanese had frankly confessed liking, the leader ASSUMES those two would be the royal lovey dovey Twice ship, SaiDa. Clingy hugs, puckered lip teases, and mushy hearts.

Sana retorts, “Do you remember you told me many things last time? I appreciate your liquor-infused honesty. You even told me you really really love me. But you’re probably too drunk to even remember- “

“I do remember and I’ll say it again. I love you.”

Seems the leader has become braver since. The Japanese then stares intently, “Then trust must also go with that. So, why are you… jealous? Would you believe me if I tell you that it’s not what you thought? That I didn’t flirt?”

The leader massages temple. To have a private talk on this matter, she drags her to the empty backdrop and swivels the other face to face.

“Look, I’ve known you for a long time and that is a part of you. Now, I am TRYING to deal with that. As your partner, of course I am jealous because I’m loyal to you! While I think I belong only to you, YOU are not the same to me.”

“I’m the same, Jihyo-yah. I just said I didn’t flirt! Are you even listening? Go to Twice TV unnies and check the footages”, the Japanese stomps a foot and leaves in dismay.

She goes on snatching strawberries on Chaeng’s cake to uplift herself. To which Mina reproaches her and everyone else. She saves one, “Chaeng Chaeng here.”

The leader, on the other hand, borrows the Twice TV cameras focused on Sana and Dahyun. A hand is waving from peripherals, it’s Jeong offering a strawberry. With focus elsewhere, Jihyo has taken it to hand and just held on to it.

Best friend Jeong got curious, “That’s weird. Why are you looking at Sana with Dahyun when you yourself was on that clip already looking at them from behind?”

“What’s weirder is that _she_ said she didn’t flirt with her.”

“Ohh~ Aren’t you watching too much drama nowadays?” Jeong derisively utters in reference to a show about extra love affairs they’ve been binging on which is, the World of the Married. Nonetheless, she joins her.

They spot the moment when Dahyun came in to back hug Sana. Then she gestured her hand wanting to form hearts with the other. The Japanese, however, kept on doing mismatching hand signs.

“Aigoo, not only you’re idiot. You are crazy”, Jeong comments. Receiving a look from the leader, she responds “Okay~ Now that you found what you’re looking for, get over there and have dinner.”

Jihyo sits across Sana and puts the strawberry she got to the latter’s plate. Sana picks it up and bite the half of it. She then stretches arm out to give the rest to the other. Jihyo eats it.

Later at the dorm, the leader drops by Sana’s room packing clothes in her behalf for tomorrow’s flight to Jeju Island. It’s the other location of their More & More filming. Sana lying on bed, watches comfortably.

“If you’re making it up to me, you can just kiss me you know.”

“Mianhae. Cheongma-”

“Cheongmal mianhae”, Sana syncs in. She then tells her, “You said sorry a lot the night you were drunk.”

“_Sana mianhae~_”, Jihyo had been faintly knocking with forehead slumped by the door. “_It’s not what you think. His Instagram issue is his own doing. Must also be tired of this fakeness- I don’t knoww!_

_But please don’t think you and I are over. I don’t want us to be like this. My love is sincere. I’m not using you Sana. But I said things wrongly_.” She started slapping herself, “_Mianhae~ cheongmal mianhae!_”

“_I reaallyy do want to end the link to him already. It’s because there should be no one else. My partner is only you, Sana-yah._”

As the Japanese reminisces, she hithers the leader to sit by the bedside. Sana places hand on Jihyo’s thigh caressing back and forth the knee.

Tenderly, she says “I felt your serious intention and how much you meant every word. Yes, you’ve known me for long. But since then, I’m doing my best to show you that I also belong only to you. So, please be kind to me.”

Touched, Jihyo bows with a weak smile. She puts hand on hers, brushing it with the thumb and says, “Now I get it. This is what you mean by tender and kind.” Then kisses her hand, “I’ll do better next time.”

Twice has gone to Jeju and shot scenes on a bright and windy landscape. Too bright, Sana’s eyes were hurting. In the evening too windy, she’s felt frigid. Thus, back in the transient house, Jihyo gives Sana a tea.

Sana takes a sip and found it pleasant, “Hey I miss this! Been a while.”

“Mm-hmm”, Yawns.

“Go ahead, Jihyo-yah. You must be tired as well.”

“Alright. Drink up and rest.”

The next day, Jihyo texts Sana a wake up greeting together with an ‘outfit of the day’ selca. “Morning, my queen! Distancing in public is expected of us. So, I can only do this. Kkungi-yah is hugging you warmly.”

Giggles, “Did she plan this?”

Sana finds Jihyo slick in packing the luggage for her, slipping in pieces that she too has. The Japanese puts them on and shows up in clothes coupling with the leader. She tells her thankfully, “I am warmed.”

Meanwhile, Jeongyeon is giving out little gifts. To Sana, she hands her a pack of the Korean red ginseng. The Japanese later shared it to Twicetagram story in the afternoon of April 26th.

Upon arriving in Seoul, the Jjakkung partners are both seen wearing the same Balenciaga speed shoes and DXOH fur zip up. Except Sana has the jacket in white while Jihyo has it in black.

Is this another couple statement? One that intends to slap the public of their truth? At this point, it wouldn’t matter.

The public’s mind is still effectively set on Jihyo and Daniel adoring each other as per Dispatch. Plus, the companies haven’t said otherwise. And since the pair aren’t seen together, their imaginations run wildest assuming things.

Little did Jihyo know, the fans are the ones particularly linking her outfits to him. That scarf Jihyo gave Sana for her birthday? Fans assume Jihyo gifted Daniel a scarf too because it’s similar.

The similar airport fashion arrival from Vietnam? Fans think they spent time together abroad for having bucket hats. But that’s the thing. Only similar, not exactly the same.

Ah, of course—Daniel is a man who would get a manly version.

Finally, that “couple watch”. The fans’ favorite. Jihyo and Daniel have sealed the power couple title as it is nice to imagine the Nation’s girl group leader and the Korea’s It Boy both having a Cartier Santos 2019.

To have something of high-value together, it must truly be love! They are such a dream team having it all. Money, fame, and power.

Despite Daniel’s Instagram incident, the fans assume that the power couple is still going strong because in April 28th—Jihyo wears the thousand-dollar watch.

The leader goes hosting their Youtube Premier for the Seize the Lights Twice Documentary promo without knowing about it.

So even though Sana audaciously sits on Jihyo’s lap to make way for the ‘Born This Way’ unit, NaJeongMiChaeng, it would be seen as just Sana being Sana.

Even though Jihyo pulls Sana back to her lap when the latter is about to transfer seat, people would just enjoy some laugh as Jihyo tucks in disheveled clothes turning Sana as a shield.

Yet after that, Jihyo keeps Sana to her lap and stares at her; from Sana’s eyes down to her lips as the Japanese talks. Based upon these observations, it is identifiable as being captivated.

Although Jihyo _seems_ to be mesmerized, the public wouldn’t even try to assume that. They wouldn’t look closely, observe, and think. Because it is too much to think that way. DELUSIONAL, as if it was a crime.

Which is ironic, that same public has its eyes on the unseen. Ears listening to the companies, not to Jihyo herself. Instead, the public does its best to assume on the idealistic imagination behind THAT watch.

When Twice arrives at the segment of reading comments live, the girls read aloud the ones good enough. Yet, it seems fate is toying again. The comments are coming in fast. It keeps on scrolling up. Then suddenly, it halts.

And there is the name spelled out on the big screen behind their backs.

Nayeon who has read a lot, halts too. Dahyun takes it as cue to proceed to the next segment. Sana and Jihyo, with their heads down reading together on an ipad, haven’t moved and remained bowing until the screen is turned off.

_Just. Why. How is he still brought up until now?_


	44. Our Little Forest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1) Twice Youtube Apr-May 2020  
2) Dispatch, etc. on Jihyo Daniel  
3) Twice Mini Profile 2019  
4) Running Man  
5) Dahyun Bday Vlive

“Should we pretend that name didn’t show up in the big screen? And on live broadcast for all the world to see?”

“How? The screen just paused right to it. It was all in caps. Jihyo, you okay?”

The girls just got back to the dorm. Roommates Jeongyeon and Mina drop by the leader’s room for a bit before settling to theirs. In front of the vanity table, Jihyo unfastens accessories including the Cartier.

She tells them “No. But for now, I just want to rest.”

Jeong and Mina turn to each other with a look of concern for Jihyo.

The leader gazes at them telling “I mean, we’ve been trying to tell about the truth. And since~ until now people don’t get it, does it make a difference if we sleep this one out? Cause honestly, the last time Sana and I tried- we almost lost each other.”

“But that’s because Sajangnim was relentless in fulfilling the deal with Konnect that he put restrictions on you two. You can go on again now that the bestest boy in Korea has shown his true colors”, Jeong says.

“No, no, no, no. I don’t wanna risk my sincere intentions again and identify as ‘using her’. I’d rather protect the understanding Sana and I have of each other. For months, the result is the same anyway. Something’s not clicking.”

“So, what now? You- are giving up on people? Jihyo, among those people are Once. Are we just gonna let them remain babo?” Mina asks.

“We’ve given them everything. Well, almost. We can never give the entire truth, can we?” Smiles weakly and turns to the mirror, “I just want to find out what’s keeping the fans that way.”

“It’s the companies, what else? They have kept enabling this stupid fakeness. Hence, fans have become stupid.” Jeong walks away when Jihyo recalls.

“Now that you mention it… Yeah.”

While the girls themselves have been trying to extinguish the fire of the dating issues set by the companies, the Info Sales Routes have kept fanning it and feed the stalkerish sasaengs.

As it seems, the companies never wanted the fire to die down. In this day and age, information is power regardless of truthfulness as long as it sells. Heck, even investors throw money on speculative ventures.

Stalkers do the same. Some buy for personal consumption while some for clout. And what’s stopping them from reselling these pieces of info?

One of these sasaengs have become underground twitter famous, having a following of 32.8k as of this writing despite being a private account. However, it doesn’t act like a lone private person.

Its activity is that of an organized syndicate being able to tweet with just minutes gap spamming its followers of celebrity information from VARIOUS Korean entertainment companies. Yes, not even focused on just one entity.

What’s more anomalous is that this certain @saesangs1 tweets in Arabic. Note that this is already a succedent account. It deletes and starts anew when it gets famous enough and of course, busted.

This sasaeng has achieved credibility when it seemed to know everything. Including the exact release date of Dispatch’s report. It tweeted about it weeks before August 5.

Funny. According to Dispatch itself, the article was DELAYED. It was ready on July 20 but postponed out of respect for Daniel’s debut week.

August 1 was the next bet. The same August 1 that Dispatch reported of them meeting in UN Village while Jihyo was in Genie Awards. But again, postponed out of respect for Daniel’s Daegu-Busan fan meeting.

Out of respect FOR DANIEL. Never for Jihyo.

Just like Dispatch who have gained credibility over time, followers believed in this sasaeng’s tweet that Jihyo has become calmer nowadays compared to the time she’s reported. And that Daniel is supporting her very well.

Right~ how does drawing in ugly comments a way of supporting her?

Pity that people would rather listen to such tweets. They are missing a whole lot behind the calm that Jihyo has been experiencing. And to whom it should be credited to. No, it isn’t just Sana. But she truly committed herself to her.

Sana sensed how rattled and drained Jihyo must’ve been that she worked on a SANA TV the following days. She thought of a calming gift to give that is, the scented candle. Subsequently, she documents its making.

On a table, nine empty glasses are sequenced by Twice age that are ready to contain would-be candles. As she goes, the Japanese shares about scent preferences; sniffing aromas she’d mix with the melted wax.

“I like a mixture of flowers and candies. I once bought everything that smelled floral but got car sick. I guess I’m only okay with it when smelled on other people.”

She too shared about others’, “Mina and Jihyo like the same scent. They like the scent of flowers.”

Although Sana thinks only Momo and Jeongyeon would actually use the candles, she wants to make each perfectly. Feeling inept at first, she blabbers away her nerves.

Later she gains confidence, garnishing one by one with designs complementing the scent. Some, she finished quicker than the others while she ponders carefully for the last glass.

Sana brings closer that one in the middle. Na-Jeong-Mo-Sa… Ji, it’s for Jihyo. She doesn’t blab this time. Instead, the Japanese just silently and delicately works as best she could for that one last.

Unfortunately, she later finds out that candles can’t be given out. Whether it be due to Korea’s safety requirement or some superstition, the candles since then have been set aside in Sana’s room.

Nonetheless, it’s the thought that counts. Besides, what great excuse it has become for Jihyo to come over to Sana and ignite some aromatic candlelight. The partners banter.

“My Melody Project is gonna be uploaded soon.”

“The song”, giggles. “How much do you love me, Jihyo-yah?”

As an answer, Jihyo starts singing. “_I hope you remember this. How much I love you~ I love you._”

She reaches out to her and the latter takes it. They walk up to a spot in the middle facing each other and embraced. Together, they slow dance into the beat of the leader’s hums.

“Beautiful. What a sad ending though.” To Sana’s knowledge, the last line of the song is as if saying goodbye.

But Jihyo hushes her, “Annyeong? It’s a magic word, you know. Say it when our eyes close, drift into dreams. Say it too when they open and see ourselves right next to each other.”

Suddenly, Sana cringes. “Cheesy”, she says.

Jihyo recoils too. They shake their heads as they laugh. Jihyo waits for Sana to calm and says, “I want our own little forest.”

That calm Kim Taeri movie truly made an impression on her that she envisions it. Her 2019 Mini Profile bucket list is telling, “_To live in a house with a yard and grow a field, together with a dog, a cat, and the people I love_.”

Sana retorts “If that’s the case then, we’ll have to learn farming?”

“I- uh… assign myself at home.” Receiving a dismayed gaze from the partner, Jihyo adds “Anything that’s got to do with the house is mine! Including fixing the roof. M-my dad, he’s even an architect you know. I can learn it.”

“Alright.” Somehow, it’s a fair delegation as Sana has familiarity with the provincial life through her grandma. Japan teaches farming too in school. So, it’s settled.

As for things neither house nor yard, Jihyo tells Sana “Let’s- work on it as we go. Together.”

Finances, for example. It’s conjugal. While there can be a manager, couples still have to discuss especially the spending system of it. Else, it can be a point of argument. Twice has shared a few times that Jihyo manages their joint account.

In the Running Man recording, May 18th—Sana and Jihyo are in a team together and share this fun fact again. Their cast teammates even praise Jihyo for being responsible.

Running Man Seokjin, however, asks “No money has ever disappeared?”

Jihyo must’ve have felt too casual that she inadvertently answers “It’s happened but, I always put the money back” consequently shocking Sana.

“IT HAPPENED??”

Arms in with fingers folding, Jihyo explains herself. “F-for example, when I buy a birthday cake for a member, I use our money first.”

Sana smiles through it and let it pass. There’s a whole day of games to win. Even so, she’s fired up that she’s the only player who literally stands out despite the slippery floor setting in the final game.

They didn’t win the top spots. But that’s nothing as there’s more important matter. A lot of clearing up to do and it’s not just their paint-covered limbs. Thus, in the shower, Sana and Jihyo settles the little dispute.

“When do you plan to tell me about it?”

“Well, it was for you. So~” Gets her back scrubbed vigorously that she exclaims, “Ow! Okay, okay. I’m sorry.”

Working things out has to be done as early. Afterall, they are attempting to build a life together where foundation must be strong. As they say, it takes two to tango.

Sana, in this partnership, is definitely not playing when she throws herself into a province for a variety show shoot. She’s with the rest of the Japanese line and the NoJams for an opportunity to refresh on farming.

It’s already evening when they returned. Just in time to surprise Dahyun on her birthday Vlive.

While they wait for the manager’s cue to go in, Sana tells Jihyo about their Hometown Report shoot. Jihyo has something to tell too. She’s gonna be shooting Where Is My Home with Mina. A show that finds the best features for a home.

Manager unnie then cues them. Some of the girls go in one by one falling in line. Meanwhile, Sana and Jihyo are side by side walking in together.


	45. Too Much Info

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1) Dahyun birthday Vlive  
2) More&More showcase  
3) Twice Vlive May 2020  
4) Twicetagram

Twice endures pain, may it be mental or physical. Sometimes even simultaneously. Nonetheless, the girls try making the most out of the moment.

So much so that Jeongyeon walks in forgetting that she has a neck brace on. Nayeon laughs at her pointing the overlooked item that shouldn’t be worn when in broadcast. Jeong removes it hurriedly.

Moreover, Jihyo is having an eye allergy attack in the midst. She’s been scratching her eye. They assume it may be from the bouquet at the table.

Best friend Jeong is calling her out to it. The leader hysterically finds a way to relieve the itch, to a point of wiping it onto Jeong’s sleeve.

Meanwhile, Sana is at the foremost front smiling as she reads comments. Her lip arches fade upon noticing Jihyo. She then immediately searches for wet tissue to hand to her partner. 

The surprise birthday greet for Dahyun has Chaeyoung missing. In lieu of her, Momo dressed Boo in a strawberry outfit making him the kid rebel’s representative. This isn’t the pup’s first.

He has since made appearances in Momo’s vlive from when she officially introduced him through a Twicetagram post. Yes, Momo herself made such personal announcement. It’s straightforward, easy as it’s her truth.

Boo has become family alright but to be able to identify him more, Jihyo asks Momo:

“What are you to Boo, omma or noona?”

Momo confirms being an omma saying, “he is a son.”

Jihyo then follows up, “Then what is he to us? Nephew?”

“He has nine moms!” Moms only. In Momo’s mind, he is a son to all of Twice. Nine girls are already raising him together. No need for any dad. Boo’s presence is it’s as if the labor of love amongst them girls.

Boo is even carried along at work. And in caring for such precious life as if their own, their already busy sched has become tighter. All the more there would be practically non-existent time for boyfriends.

Surprisingly, with Momo as the main mom in question, the reported boyfriend Heechul isn’t widely assumed to be Boo’s dad despite also being a dog owner. It’s not because fans understood about the setup.

More like Heechul is hated within the Once fandom. Because unlike the young Daniel who appears to be a solemn saint, veteran Heechul is seen as the creepy old loudmouthed devil.

So instead of linking him to Momo, the fans themselves are the ones burning this ship down. Their coincidental similarities too aren’t hyped. This along with Nayeon never leaving Momo, handling Momo’s dating is relatively tolerable for the girls.

The unnie even shares, “I walked from Cheongdam to here a few days ago. Momo and I walked with Boo.” Jihyo herself finds them crazy betting they were freakin’ tired after that long walk.

An hour plus plus has passed when Twice looks at the time and realized they have to pack up and rest. Scheds will be grueling in the coming days. Even so, birthday girl Dahyun has made a wish. She says, “to reach number 1.”

After 9 months gap from Feel Special, Twice makes a comeback through a more challenging performance. Add to that the lack of live cheering audience due to the pandemic, the girls could only draw energy amongst themselves.

June 1st—Today is the showcase for their 9th mini album, More & More. Like the previous, the girls share a TMI each. Meaning, “Too Much Info” of what they’ve gone through the past period gap in between comebacks.

Big or small, it’s anything that the audiences may have not known about them. Starting with, “I…” Nayeon breathes and resets thoughts “Before I came here, I hit my head against the desk. That’s why I’m a little confused.”

Twice is almost seated by age. Instead of Jeong, the next up is Momo. “I’ve been on Vlive. I got a dog. His name is Boo. I’m taking care of him. He’s waiting for me now.”

And then Sana, “I couldn’t drink tomato juice. I could only eat mini tomatoes. But I finally got over it yesterday.” She’s really making amends with a lot of healthier foods as per their goal.

In her vlive last week, she shared “_I eat caesar salad. Jihyo ate it with balsamic sauce one time, I disliked it. But tried it later on, I was shocked of how delicious it is. So these days, I like salad with balsamic vinegar._”

Well, with the vision of Jihyo being the housekeeper, Sana should get used to whatever is served in the kitchen. Which is gonna be mostly based on what the leader likes.

Other than what is served, the unnies Nayeon and Jeongyeon who know Jihyo the longest, also tip Sana of what they are.

The Japanese tells more, “It’s Nayeon-ie who recommended me raw tomato juice. I was hesitating to try. I was scared. But I tried it yesterday and it’s delicious. I drank again before I came here.” She pans a bit to the left.

To her left is Jeongyeon who comments “Since we were trainees, Jihyo loved tomato so much. She always bought 2 liters of tomato juice.” This bestie also pans to the left as there’s the person pertained to.

Jihyo responds, “I really love it!”

“Is it why you look like tomato?” NoJam Jeong teases her. But asks pardon right away as Jihyo rather urges to get going. Jeongyeon shares about finding a game where she could finally beat gamers Jihyo and Mina.

Jihyo, on the other hand, shares about her tanning session as it’s summer again. She always does at this season. This time, Chaeyoung went with her.

Mina thought of another info to share as gaming is already mentioned. So, she tells about being into ASMR sounds of raining to relax.

Meanwhile, Dahyun wasn’t able to prepare a TMI so the members think for her. They share that she painted her nails black for the first time. A color that’s according to Chaeyoung is, what boys dislike.

Then there’s Chaeyoung who doesn’t exactly have TMI. She pegs it as merely a plan for now. It’s to make masks as it’s necessary nowadays. NoJam hyung teases again, “But the script says _I’ve been making_.”

Kid rebel asserts her truth, “It’s not what I told them.”

Lastly, maknae Tzuyu shares that due to the more challenging choreography, she’s been into Pilates and massages to condition her muscles.

Moving further into the album’s concept, Nayeon shares to the virtual audience “We’ve made significant changes on our looks. Some members have dyed new hair colors.”

Momo and Mina are blonde. Nayeon cut hair in the shortest length yet. The only ones with gaudy colors are Jeongyeon and of course the Jjakkungs. Sana volunteers the other’s info, “Jeongyeon did her own shampoo!”

Meaning, Jeong herself was the one who dyed it. As in, without the help of the salon professionals. Sana though may have ingenuously worded it in a weird way.

When Jihyo realizes what Sana could imply, she counters “People shampoo by themselves Sana ssi!”

“Not for Sana perhaps”, Momo mumbles.

“I- I understand”, Jeong is cracking up.

Nayeon too tries to save the awkward statement, “Yeah sometimes we go to salon and get it shampooed.”

While Jeongyeon has elaborated on hers, Sana and Jihyo did not talk about theirs. Compared to Jeong’s hair adventures, Sana’s may be underwhelming as it’s the usual salon process. Plus, the Japanese is often in bright color.

Onces wouldn’t be surprised with an orange anymore. But about the leader’s, it’s her first time ever to have bleached and dyed pink hair. Yet, Jihyo is silent on how she went with it.

The leader isn’t urged to open up until the song discussion. More & More has lyrics that the girls find outlandish. One of the lines that stood out for them is Chaeyoung’s rap part, _I’m a stray cat today for sure._

They merely find it unique. But since it mentions _cat _which is easily attributed to the known cat person Kang Daniel, Nayeon nudges Jihyo again like she did back in the Feel Special showcase. As if mocking those who would link them.

The unnie utters, “I’d like to see Jihyo doing that ‘cat’ part.”

“Isn’t it abrupt? Trying to gang up on me!”

“It’s not.” Instead of looking at Jihyo as they are talking, Nayeon is facing towards the cameras as if really putting it out there. Glaring, she says “Jihyo said she likes that part a lot.”

Chaeyoung approves saying, “Yeah since Jihyo unnie has a cat.”

They laugh. Jeong banters, “Not a stray cat though.”

“What does it have to do with this?” Jihyo asks, chuckling. Precisely, it doesn’t have anything to do with it. Likewise, just because the pet interest is similar, it doesn’t necessarily mean real dating.

The fans’ notion of Daniel being the cat influencer to Jihyo is again discrediting who the real ones are. Cause really, other members have cats too. Heck, Tzuyu has three.

And based on the cat color and breed, the real influencer is best friend Jeongyeon who has a gray Scottish Fold. While Jihyo only got a similar breed that is British Shorthair, she also chose a gray one.

Jeong then volunteers for Tzuyu to do it instead. And when Nayeon is still nudging, Jihyo passes it to Jeong. Sana wants it over with, “That’s it. You can just sing it together!”

Jihyo settles it saying, “It together- let’s just not do it altogether.” Jeong syncs in, “Let’s not.”

However, when it comes to other requests, it doesn’t take long. The leader doesn’t go in circles to fulfill them. Especially when it comes from Sana.

In one of the b-side songs, Sana shares “When I heard the guide track, I know all members could pull it off but I was really looking forward to Jihyo’s part.”

Nayeon has seconded her and asserted for Jihyo to sing it. Sana adds more compliment as a soft demand, “This song reveals how Jihyo was as a trainee.”

“And of all our tracks, to put it in a way, it’s a powerful song? In terms of lyrics”, the unnie has that glare again.

“You’re making me do this after all”, smiling. She pauses a bit when she’s about to sing, “O? Ohh…”

“Want me to say go?” Sana asks as if an encouragement. “1, 2, 3… go!”

Jihyo goes, _Your apologies full of predictable stories and excuses again. I’m not going to accept them. _The girls continue to Sana’s line, _Don’t call me again._

Nayeon then utters, “You can’t call.”

That YOU is barely an answer to Kang Daniel’s debut song. Which the fans have linked to Jihyo, as it is about waiting for the call of his busy girl.

Arguably, it’s more of addressing those who have called their name to take advantage of it. Those “_People who say things easily_”, as what Jihyo said in the previous era.

YOU, Dispatch, who said things easily. YOU, the companies, who said would fact check the report but confirmed the dating despite errors. To YOU who enabled the fakeness as well as those who celebrated it, “You can’t call.”

The girls are finding out what other links are made between Jihyo and Daniel. As if picking up these calls one by one, only to hang up shutting it down.

Time may have clotted the wounds. But if something could still be done with those scars, they would.

A genius once said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again yet expecting different results.” Thus, like the changing concept in the new era, their approach to the issue has changed too.

The bond has changed as well. It has grown so much, it is stronger. The only constant is the people. They themselves, the real ones who stood by each other.

And with having such people around, the byproduct is sincerity. Maybe to a point of too much honesty.

“We haven’t done something like this in a while. It didn’t feel like we’re in a set when we did Dahyun’s birthday vlive”, the leader is scratching head.

Indeed, Jihyo has expressed it in there “_I feel weird doing Vlive. I can’t get used to it._”

“_I think you’ll have a slip of tongue_”, Nayeon sensed.

“_Not a slip of tongue. Rather, I think I’m too casual. It’s as if we’re talking just amongst ourselves._”

Lo and behold, Jihyo slipped a bit about the awarding systems in music show promotions. What could she spill next? Non-disclosure agreements?

To some extent, the girls could share their own truth. But the truths that are attached to something bigger, something they aren’t in control of—those aren’t theirs. They are not in the position to talk about it and will never be.

“I’m scared”, Nayeon says. The entire truth that shouldn’t be told could be spilled unfiltered.

The leader places hand on mouth shushing herself. Jihyo tries getting back on track saying, “I’ll just read the script then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! i know the world is in pandemic, but if you could spare some coins please on my ko-fi.com/playspective that would be much appreciated. Thanks <3


	46. Almost Cry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1) More & More showcase  
2) More & More Week 1 promo  
3) Twice Youtube  
4) 200602 Twicetagram  
5) 200608 Jeong Vlive

“I was told just now our song is number 1 on the chart!” An hour and a quarter into the showcase, the script gets updated. Jeongyeon reads the prompt.

“WAHHH!!” The girls huddle together as Jeong sings congratulatory.

“It’s probably because of the dance moves. Thank you~”

“Once, thank you!”

“This was my birthday wish”, Dahyun reaffirms.

“It came true.”

Twice wasn’t expecting to rank in the previous era. ‘Cause getting the message across was priority. Now, the girls are ready to compete on the charts. Though their hope is still to keep enduring, it’s more of the physical demands this time.

Nayeon clasps hand praying, “I hope to not give up on this song and to finish it every time. Also, for the members to not get injured. We got stiff muscles in practicing the routine that we had to see physiotherapists a lot.”

This is what it takes to be the best. The consequence of living the dream. And if fans could figure that instead of driving to a man’s house, going out their way for dates; the girls are actually meeting medics and rather rest to recover.

They’ve sacrificed their youth for this. Thus, wouldn’t deliberately take on celebrity issues to an already full life. Afterall, the girls want to make good memories for as long as they face the world as Twice.

“I want us to be a cool group that always pushes boundaries and tries new things so that fans can look forward to what we’ll do next. It will also make every effort for each performance worthwhile.”

The unnie adds, “We can do something easier, something cute.”

“I want to do something more sophisticated, something cool. I love our new dance routine”, Momo asserts.

“Yes, we could’ve settled for the easy. But we’re still striving to do something more. I’m very proud of us”, Jihyo states. In closing, “We’ll do our best to deliver and to also make you proud.”

By proud, it includes winning on music shows. Like in every era, the girls make pledge when they do.

Previously, they based on tsundere Jeongyeon’s idea of a kiss feast. A bizarre, out of the ordinary display. Now, it has returned back to being goofy as Nayeon proposes to sing without showing teeth.

This IS the usual Twice. A Twice that is before the issues occurred. So casual, so happy, they are enjoying amongst themselves.

After the showcase, Twice TV unnies gather the girls to shoot their reaction to the More & More music video. While it plays, they reminisce how fun it was in the making and are amazed by how the final product turned out.

“Who’s that? So pretty!” Jeong comically says when she appeared on the screen. Jihyo follows. The leader too, comically gasps at the sight of herself.

Giggling, Sana remembers as she tells Jihyo “Ah you said you practiced smiling.” The Jjakkungs duck heads laughing.

And when Sana comes up, everybody goes “Ohhhh~”

Jihyo catches breath, letting an extra “Ooh” after everyone else. In so much fascination, she can’t help exclaiming “There are many SANAs~!!” Like a kid in a candy shop. The leader is so casual again in her expressions.

It’s making Jeong smirk and side glance the staff. A ‘sorry, not sorry’ look that is basically exposing Jihyo going on with her Sana obsession. And this bestie just lets it, not wanting to spoil this sincere happiness.

The Jjakkungs are in their own world. Good thing, Jeong was in between Sana and Jihyo in the showcase. It went well uninterrupted. But since the set has changed, Jeong could care less. Even less when they moved to the next shoot.

Twice is divided into 3 subunits by age order, to do an unboxing of the album video each. Thus, Jeong goes with NaMo leaving the Jjakkungs with the meek Mina. More so, Sana is seated in the middle.

Inadvertently, it’s pulling the synergy towards the left where Jihyo is. Yet Mina too could care less, as she didn’t have to speak much. She’s having as much fun spectating Sana and Jihyo tease each other.

SaJiMi pull each other’s coaster from the album merch. Jihyo tries guessing what’s written behind, the others’ answers to “What would you like to have MORE of?”

Beauty is Mina’s answer that Jihyo couldn’t figure. The leader lightly scoffs, “How greedy of you.” Yet, she helps giving clues when Jihyo turns to guess about Sana’s.

“Food? Good hair?” Jihyo tries.

“It’s an action”, Sana says.

“Happy?” Make sense ‘cause it is goal. Yet, Sana says no. “Laughing?” Nope. “Smiling?” Nuh-uh. “Crying??” Must be why Jeong thinks she’s an idiot.

“Sana is good at it”, Mina then gives clue.

“Dancing!” Sana is a good dancer, yes. But that’s not what she wrote. The Japanese reveals her own coaster to Jihyo. The leader sighs in frustration as she reads silently.

Sana laughs a loud. She proudly turns the item to the camera like it’s a badge of honor saying, “S-KIN-SHIP.”

She repeats, “I SAID _I want more and more skinship_.”

Jihyo isn’t the most confident in this matter. She busies rummaging through the album, teasingly muting Sana. The leader mutters, “You can’t have it all.”

If it falls on deaf ears then, she shall seek others “The members will listen!”

“You can’t, Sana.”

The Japanese teases back upon choosing each of their favorite photo. While Jihyo presents a photo containing the three of them, Sana retorts with “In that case I choose this…”

Instead of a subunit photo, Sana chooses a photo with all of Twice in it. She shares, “It’s also the album cover. BUT it has a secret. Or not, is it obvious?”

Jihyo glances a bit, “Don’t tell me.”

“Okay”, cheekily. The partners laugh.

Mina is curious though, “What is it?”

Sana gladly tells her, “I’ll tell you why Jihyo is the third from the back—she’s the third shortest!”

Jihyo glares. Sana just smiles at her. The leader attempts to recommend another one instead, “We have this group pic too!”

Sana chuckles, “Who cares?”

Jihyo cares.

She’s sensitive about height, thinking it’s a physical disadvantage. Sounds like it when the other term for short is vertically challenged. The insecurity bugs her that she may not be enough for Sana, who wants more physicality.

The shoots wrap up. Sana pats Jihyo’s pink crown. Pouting, Jihyo looks up to Sana. She thinks out loud, “I- am small.”

“O why are you saying it like- that?”

“Because I can’t seem to…” Jihyo tries to embrace as much Sana as she can. The leader couldn’t make sense how to put Sana into arms. Meanwhile, the other finds it amusing. Sana lowers herself to fit right into Jihyo’s shoulder.

“Ehh~ “, Jihyo breaks into smile. “Do you get more skin by this?”

“Mm. Let’s do this a lot!”

Sana stands tall and tells Jihyo the advantage of being in the cuter side of measure. “There really aren’t many SANAs. But since you’re like this, you get to have more of me instead” coughs, “in queen size.”

Each of their want complements what the other lacks. Sana and Jihyo together win both affections in quantity with persons of quality.

As soon as they got back to the dorm, they sleep earlier than usual. Because in every comeback promotion, waking up before sunrise is the routine.

The girls have to get up THAT early to get ready for guestings or pre-recordings. The latter meant that they have to dance to the most challenging Twice choreo yet by at least 7 times. And then, there’s the live broadcast.

It’s grueling that even the dance machine Momo is at the verge of passing out.

Lucky for today, it’s a radio guesting. Unlike the previous era too, the girls this time are light-hearted. There’s barely any piercing statement from them. Jihyo later posts on Twicetagram her radiant smile with caption:

“Once thank you so much. Since yesterday, I’ve been in a good mood. I think I might cry. Hing! Thank you. I miss you more Once. Hing, we’ll work hard so you’ll be full of pride for Twice this comeback <3 <3 <3 hehe”

Sana, on the other hand, shares a screenshot of a music streaming chart on IG Story. It’s displaying their song taking the top spot. She captions with purple and orange hearts:

“Even though I see it, I still want to keep looking at it. A welcoming spot even yesterday… Thank you so much Once <3 <3 <3 I almost cried yesterday but I held it in… thank you so much to everyone who listened to More & More!!”

One thought she might cry while the other almost cried. Even in such oxymoronic happiness, the expressions are becoming one. Indeed, they go through it together. Perhaps why they comprehend each other this much.

It includes comprehending that for MOST of the promotion, they must focus getting ample rest. Hence, staying in their designated rooms. Mostly.

Somehow, this is in line with what Jihyo wrote at the back of the coaster “_I want more and more health_.” More quality rest is a time for recuperation ensuing to more happiness that could be enjoyed. 

Good thing, MOST doesn’t mean entirety. The Jjakkungs steal skinships here and there. And at the end of the first week promotion, they reconcile Sana’s want aplenty.

Timely on a Sunday right after Inkigayo, Sana hitches on a van where Jihyo and Jeongyeon are. They wave to the fans before leaving. Sana raises her left above head. Jihyo noticing what the other wants to make, she raises her right.

The Jjakkungs make a big heart.

Arriving at the dorm, they chill together and watch the airing of their Running Man episode as well as Jihyo and Mina’s guesting in Where Is My Home. An info Jeongyeon would later spill.

On a Vlive the next day, she shares “We watched Running Man and the house show together in the dorm. Mina was doing photoshoot in the show!”

And yes, Jeong still has the habit of uploading stuff containing others. “I’m the one who uploaded it.” Referring to the fresh smile of Jihyo in one of their stage rehearsals. “I thought it would be a waste if we’re the only ones who saw it.”

Lastly, Jeong herself addresses an arising problem—the speculations on her missing solo focus fancams. Hers is the only one not uploaded in every music show Youtube channel.

As it is her own truth, Jeong explains it frankly.


	47. Jokes Half Meant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1) More&More 2nd Wk promo  
2) More&More fanmeets  
3) Vlive, Twicetagram

ONCE is unquestionably one of the biggest K-Pop fandoms now; and still growing. Very likely to have all sorts of fans including, the gullible and the toxic. A chunk of this combo trends assumptions about things they don’t see.

Case in point, people talk of Jihyo and Daniel even though those two have kept on demonstrating that they basically have nothing with each other.

This time, the fans talk about Jeongyeon’s missing solo focus fancams. In contrast to the dating issues, the companies had no statement regarding this. They’re the ones silent now, huh.

Fans point the blame to the broadcasting channels. They flood them with emails, harsh comments and tweets. With Once being mostly babo of situations, only a few dared to make sense of it.

The thinking bunch, on other hand, make assumptions on things they saw. They took notice of the neck brace Jeong briefly had during Dahyun’s birthday Vlive. Also, ALL the channels didn’t upload Jeong’s fancams.

Most prominently, Sana shared on IG Story the backstage photos with Jeong. She captioned, “_Don’t hurt_.” They deduce that something is definitely up. This bunch too is apprehensive. But they rather request an explanation.

Although the voice of the sensible are drowned to the loudness of the babo majority, it paid off getting an explanation from the source herself. As it is Jeong’s own truth, she took it to Vlive and explained it frankly before it blows up further:

“Because of the neck I couldn’t practice more before comeback. So, I didn’t want to show the imperfect side of me. After discussing with the companies, I ask them not to take fancams.”

The ones she requested such favor from, have earned emails in return. It must’ve been embarrassing on her part that even though it’s sensitive, she had to bring it up. If only more Once had noticed, Jeong didn’t have to.

Just like if more Once had listened to Nayeon’s warning back then, Momo didn’t have to. If more Once had understood Twice’s message, Jihyo didn’t have to.

Anyway, fans care more about streaming and voting for the charts. They are here to stan. Not comprehend the idols’ situation. Thus, it’s Twice who has to adjust their dialogue with the fans.

But with the girls already being all ‘what you see is what you get’, what other adjustments could there be when fans like assuming on things they don’t see?

Somehow, it’s a charm having some loud babo fans. Because of them, the girls actively seek conversation with the feeling that they can’t rest until the message gets across. And when they are understood, they become generous.

Second week of promotions. Sana posts one in her favorite platform, Twicetagram. A selca while being dolled up.

Interestingly, Sana has added a shushing face emoji. An indication of secrecy, as if an exclusive inside knowledge. It’s not much of a secret when there’s the heart emoji in Jihyo’s color.

Captioned, “I took lots of selca but there are too many I can’t pick. So here’s for now.” Sana also meant literally one quantity of a selca hence, such face emoji that gestures ‘one’. In moderating Jihyo’s obsession, just one for now.

‘Cause last week, Jihyo barely left her. Even in the waiting room, they were together eating the fiery teumsae ramyun along with Nayeon and Momo. To think Jihyo can only take mild level of spicy.

Too fiery, roommate Mina didn’t join them and instead went with Chaeyoung. This baby tiger, by the way, was so happily bouncy that Mina tames her. Visibly, Chaeng is also in a better state now compared to having nightmares in the previous era.

Although Twice won for Feel Special back then, the win now is also better in a sense that Jihyo didn’t shed tears and be consoled by only some of the members.

This time, partner Sana who’s beside Jihyo so closely envelopes her into arms. The Japanese moves closest to the other’s ear and by her own hand, she conceals those cuddly whispers. Jihyo smiles as she listens exclusively.

The Jjakkungs are in their own world again. Sana has been doing things to Jihyo. Like putting hand over head. Whatever those are, the press is taking notice. Naver headlined that one moment with “_Twice Sana to Jihyo: Grow taller, grow taller~_”

Then there’s Maeil News, South Korea’s main daily business newspaper, having a different take than Naver. Their press photos are headlined with: _Sana-Jihyo, Oneureun Jjakkung_. Meaning “Sana-Jihyo, Today’s Partners”.

At the end of the Show Champion today, they are announced as winner. The leader smoothly delivers speech:

“Thank you for giving us our 1st win for More & More! Thank you Once who always cheer us on even if we can’t meet. Don’t get sick and I hope the day comes quicker where we can see you with a smile. Thank you Once!”

Twice goes on receiving more wins. They have tried attending as many music shows until Tzuyu’s birthday because thereafter, they are scheduled to online fan meetings.

June 14th—By the car window, Jeong flashes her phone with a little message to the fans who have gone too.

[Stay healthy]

[Thank you for 1st place]

[it’s the last music show]

[be well]

[Momo babo]

[Nayeon babo]

Babo (in English counterpart could be ‘fool’ or ‘stupid’) is a recurring word for the girls nowadays. With how _some_ fans trend their names on social media, the babo-ness just rubs on Twice’s vocabulary.

The very next day, these fans are going loud again. This time, they are suspecting SBS Inkigayo staff murmuring disrespect against Twice and that they are caught by the audio record. For further investigation, SBS privatized the clip.

The fans’ doubt grew louder. Later on, SBS uploaded the proof. It’s the encore side by side with the alleged audio. Turns out, the airing of the show’s encore was overlapped with an advertisement. Hence, a faint audio heard while broadcast.

Yet the ad’s audio is merely saying, “complete my intellectual image.” Not one bit a disrespectful comment. Nonetheless, the show’s team leader issues a statement taking full responsibility of the technical situation.

These fans for sure love the girls. Though well-intentioned, the loudness that they package as support _can_ hurt Twice. It isn’t also far off to hurt Jihyo when fans supported the dating she’s setup with.

Supporting isn’t bad per se. But with gullible assumptions behind it, supporting can be misdirected. Yet again, these fans wouldn’t know. Exactly because they are babo.

So when Jihyo is seen wearing the ‘couple watch’, the fans are supporting.

June 20th—the leader took to Twicetagram a thank you message for another music show win. She poses looking proud with arms crossed donning luxury brand items Louis Vuitton and of course, the Cartier.

Fans flock comments of admiration. Upon receiving this support, Jihyo tells herself “So THIS is what’s keeping the fans babo.”

She finally finds out a major link that the fans are making between her and Daniel. The leader snaps the metal band open and tosses it into her drawer full of other luxury watches she possesses.

Jihyo shakes head uttering, “The fans are looking. But they don’t observe what they see. After all these years, they still don’t know me.”

June 21st—the leader posts another thank you message in Twicetagram. This time, it’s a closer shot with elbows at the fanmeet table and palms cupping her face. A posture where her wrist is exposed, flaunted right in the open.

Today, she’s also wearing a watch. But instead of the Cartier, it’s a Gucci. A watch that is seen around May 2019, the Fancy era. This gesture is as if telling that the Cartier is merely an accessory she could change anytime.

For months, the fans really be thinking ‘couple watch’ while Jihyo has been- skinshipping Sana with that Cartier on. The level of babo is unbelievable.

And since ‘babo’ is the reigning vocab amongst the girls, the word is eventually uttered through the leader’s mouth. In the online fan video call, a fan asks Jihyo to teach some Korean words.

Jihyo then teaches the fan this, “ONCE babo.” Yup, she’s thinking it AND she said it. Ah probably it’s a joke. But aren’t jokes half meant?

Like how Sana could also be joking with a fan when she’s asked, “Which member do you want more skinship from?”

“Jihyo”, Sana answers. When asked why, she simply says “Because she’s beside me.” The leader bends to her side and peeks a bit.

When she’s about to go back up, the Japanese waves hand at her calling her back. Jihyo eye smiles as she bends back down. Unfortunately, Jihyo bent too much that Sana only almost planted a kiss to her temple.

But how could Sana be joking when she herself brings up the topic of sincerity? She banters with another fan asking, “What do you think about Female Once asking you for marriage?”

Sana responds, “Are they sincere? Will they have regrets?”

This is just one of the many instances that Sana welcomes conversation about marriage proposals from females. She gets such questions mostly on Vlive. And by acknowledging it, she’s somehow attracting more of it.

About the proposals from males, anyone might ask? Well, there’s one-time Sana doesn’t know the gender of the Vlive commenter. So she threw a question back, “Are you male or female? I’m more curious of that.”

‘Cause when the commenter happens to be a female, Sana would express how cute it is. Even though as days pass and such comment is flooding her, she hasn’t shut it down.

Her chingu Momo is the one who finds it a nuisance. She taunts Sana to go ahead. To which Sana replies with, “But I have to be in Twice.”

Must be Sana’s thing to go out for a bit and then be back to where she belongs to. The same energy when Sana had Christmas Eve date with Yeonjung and had to be in Twice come Christmas day as Jihyo’s reindeer couple.

Just like Sana’s thing, come July 11th—She posts in Twicetagram a selca from THAT online fan meet. Simply captioned, “Day of the fansign.” Along with it a baby emoji, an orange heart, and a purple heart.


	48. Finale I: Fluency

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1) Twice online con  
2) Instagram  
3) Vlive

Third week of July last year, Twice was in the US leg of the Twicelights Tour. It was evening in their spare time when Sana and Jihyo went to the beach along with Nayeon and Momo, as seen in their Youtube Documentary.

Mina wasn’t able to join due to health. Yet, the Jjakkungs were happily addressing her as if worries were settled. It’s weeks after—August 5, 2019 that they worried of another problem; the Dispatch report full of errors.

Despite it being untrue, Jihyo couldn’t sue even for False Information. And of course, JYPE wouldn’t because they were one of the accomplices to the setup dating.

Although it’s a distant memory now, Sana knows how horrible it was for her partner. Add to that, Kang Daniel will be having a comeback this time in the same week.

Knowing the babo fans would celebrate, the Japanese cooks up something to mute such noise. Thus, on practices for their upcoming online concert, Sana gives a heads up to Jihyo.

“What’s it about?” The leader asks.

“I’m catching up with friends”, Sana is about to do it again. That thing.

Jihyo can’t help the jealousy creeping. But she’s learning. In doing her best not to overreact, she scratches head massaging her temple. Sana notices and so, to reassure the other, she pats Jihyo and kisses her before leaving.

She has to do what she gotta do.

Midnight of July 24th—Sana turns the Vlive on, audio only. She tells listeners, “I’m only here for a bit. I dropped by ‘cause I haven’t been uploading on Insta.” Sana, along with the girls, has been busy.

Sana even shared she ate dinner while in the van. To be more specific, Sana reveals what the girls have been doing:

“Since the ads are up, we can finally say that we’re practicing a lot for the concert. Lots of performance we haven’t shown before.”

Later then, upon reading a striking comment, Sana responds with “Me too.” It’s about having more tears nowadays. She adds, “It’s not that I’m facing difficulties. Don’t worry. But it just feels like my tears have become more.”

“I hope Sana doesn’t cry. You have to always be happy”, Sana reads a comment. In response to this, she says “I hope the Once saying this are always happy too. The people around me have to be happy too.”

HAVE TO. Sana may not always be right but she does whatever it takes for the people around her. And so, another practice day begun—Jihyo thought that Sana’s thing would be just one time. Yet, Sana will be heading out again.

The leader attempts to make the Japanese stay by asking to teach her more Japanese. Sana notices this too. This time, she teases her.

“You’re dating me. You already speak well enough”, Sana says as she pertains to one of the jokes from the Knowing Brothers show. That in order to learn a foreign language faster, one must date a local speaker.

Well, according to Japanese fan-translators, Jihyo indeed speaks good Japanese. She’s even the easiest to understand among Twice for having conversant vocab, enunciation, and in moderate speed.

Yet, this is Jihyo who is competitive and greedy to be better. She retorts, “Yea but since we’ll live together for a long time, I should learn more to be fluent.”

Sana giggles at a happy thought. One of the reasons why her requirement for marriage proposal is sincerity is because, Jihyo has set the standards THIS high. Nonetheless, the Japanese still has to make it to her appointment.

“Ittekimasu~ “, Sana says. The Japanese phrase uttered when leaving the house and means to come back later.

Jihyo can only sigh and answer, “Itterasshai.” Being this good can have a drawback.

July 28th—the girls turn to Vlive one after the other until they are eight. Only eight, Jeong isn’t around. Minutes before practice starts, they take this chance in inviting fans to watch the online concert.

Since fans can come from all over the world, members try to speak in foreign phrases. Dahyun, who is still lacking in her Japanese, relies on Sana. As in also leaning her entire body ON Sana.

The leader is just a Mina away from the royal ship SaiDa. Not to mention, Jihyo would definitely look towards Sana’s way, as the Japanese has gone back to that dark hair she finds extra pretty.

She would want Sana’s attention. Well, Jihyo was able to get some when she talked about retouching her hair’s blonde base by using light tint. She told Nayeon, beside her, of how it seems a failure.

Sana has been taking notice and thought otherwise. She wouldn’t let Jihyo feel bad. So, the Japanese made a side comment, “It’s pretty.”

Even so, would a competitive Jihyo be satisfied with it? Seeing Dahyun on Sana like that, Jihyo couldn’t help commenting “Dahyun why do you look so relaxed?”

Dahyun wiggles out of Sana a bit as she responds to the leader. Unfortunately, the space is cramped. No better spot to go. Dahyun chuckles it out, remaining there. The Vlive would end in minutes anyway. Jihyo chuckles with her.

July 29th—Jihyo got Sana’s attention full-time. Sana couldn’t post much on Twicetagram. But she’s able to post today. Instead of her own, however, it’s a photo sequence of Jihyo deliciously eating a corndog.

Jihyo knows first-hand that people form unwholesome thoughts. Just a week ago, she and Mina along with other girl idols were to join a women’s soccer team. The intention was to promote that women can play it too.

Unfortunately, netizens fed the fire that sparked from some reports. The write-ups portrayed such gathering as a debauchery party, where these women find dates from the men’s team.

Somehow, the public knowledge of Jihyo having a boyfriend also served as a fuel to criticize these girls saying:

[Leader-nim, please don’t bother Mina to go dating]

[just because you have bf doesn’t mean Mina should too]

Now, imagine the wake of Dispatch report. The owners of the names involved must’ve had their own worries. Konnect even stated that they’ll sue sexual comments about their artist.

Still, for today, Jihyo poses in this manner. People’s thoughts aren’t her concern right now. Well if this is what it takes to hold Sana’s gaze and be proudly called pretty by her partner once again, it’s a risk Jihyo is willing to take. 

Seems Jihyo succeeded as Sana captions, “#OnceIAteToo #AnggeuliIsPretty #AnggeuliIsTalented #TheseAreTakenByShaShang”.

_Anggeuli _means cute baby smile. It’s also the nickname Jihyo wanted to hear. She mentioned this in one of the Feel Special fanmeet.

Then again, that Sana’s thing, there’s a third time. And a fourth, and a fifth… Sana is about to leave when Jihyo grabs on the other’s shirt and confronts her.

“Of all times, why now? Why not- I don’t know- once a month in the past months? You’re tiring yourself out! Who are you gonna meet anyway? Is it Yeonjung again? If she’s truly a friend, she would understand you need rest!”

Sana is the one and only extrovert in Twice alright, as revealed in their MBTI test. Being outdoorsy is a given. But to this extent, the leader is baffled.

The Japanese utters, “The impact would be underwhelming if I’d do it like that. I’m sorry. But to beat the noise, I just really have to.”

“Noise? Have to?! Are you going for trouble again? Sanaaa~ “, Jihyo calls yet her girl has to go.

First week of August, the time to drop bombs arrives. Sana and friends do so one day after the other as if countering the noise of Kang Daniel’s comeback on August 3 and the remembrance of Dispatch report on August 5.

One, WJSN Yeonjung shared on her Instagram some photobooth pics she took with Sana from July 30th. Two, Sana went to play an Escape Room with GFriend Eunha in August 1st. Three, (G)I-DLE Miyeon mentioned in her Vlive that she met Sana for the second time in August 2nd.

Moreover, it’s August 3rd when Yeonjung shared the pics and talked about the details of how they hangout. “It’s usually spontaneous, no specific reason. Sana sent me a list of places though.”

THREE different women all in a short span. Knowing how busy Sana is for the concert, such behavior is worth attention. So instead of hyping in support of Daniel and/or celebrating what transpired last year, Once gush over Sana interactions.

As Sana succeeds muting noises, she rests for now. Sooner, Jihyo comes by the bedside quietly. She strokes the other’s hair and whispers, “Yah~ What do I do with you? I’m angry. But also, thankful.”

Sana turns, snatching her onto bed. Arms and legs all over Jihyo. The Japanese then showers her with smooches. Jihyo giggles, although drowning, and says “Yah, you’re awake?! Did you hear? I said, I’m angry.”

“Hmm~ Too angry that you changed hair color?” Sana smiles at a now red-haired Jihyo. Softly, she says “Pretty.”

“Am I still your favorite?” Jihyo pouts asking, as the color isn’t pink anymore which is Sana’s favorite. Not even purple, the officially designated.

Sana closes eyes, pretending to go back to sleep. This time, it’s Jihyo who tickles her with kisses as she wants answers. “Am I?? Yah~ Sana-yah?”

“Mada anatagasuki.”

August 9th—D-day of TWICE World In A Day online concert, Jihyo posts some wide-angled solos by the beach on Twicetagram. With a crying emoji and a shocked head exploding emoji, she captions “ONCE let’s just remember my pink hair.”

Although Jeongyeon had been advised to sit out the choreographies, Twice was able to finish the concert as nine. Jeong herself likes interacting with the fans anyway. So she joined, as she wouldn’t want to miss this for anything.

Most importantly for the girls, they have achieved making good memories. They met fans from all over the world and even communicated with some. When they encountered a Japanese fan, Jihyo’s fluency was tested.

She didn’t shy away from conversing in foreign tongue. Well, there was the Japanese members beside her; roommate Mina on her left and partner Sana on her right. Yet, the leader chose leaning on her right to verify the language.

Jihyo once again got Sana’s approval.


	49. Finale II: Mission Done

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1) Soribada 2020  
2) Twice TV  
3) Vlive  
4) Twicetagram

“I got a mission to get a lot of backstage videos”, Nayeon says as she swings around a Twice TV camera while in the dressing room of the Soribada Awards.

The unnie’s mission is vital. Because today, August 13th—Twice is in the same event as Kang Daniel.

The babo fans are certainly anticipating for interaction. Since Jeongyeon isn’t around as she’s resting her neck, Nayeon took it upon herself in leaving traces of where Jihyo is.

The unnie interviews the leader about what she’s been up to which, is online shopping. Nayeon pans the camera and Jihyo starts sharing, “Love this site called Today’s Home. My room’s furnishings are mostly from here.”

Jihyo is seriously still gunning to fulfill her bucket list of having her own home such that of the Little Forest. As of now, “I recently bought a table. I got a rug too. And…”

Jihyo gazes to her left where Sana is, “And I needed a place to keep tracksuits. So, I got drawers.” She goes on until her favorite item, “A pink piggy pot where the steam comes out of its nose!”

A pink item? Sana becomes curious, “What is it?”

“Don’t you know? Here!” Jihyo turns her phone enthusiastically showing Sana some photos of the pink pot.

“So cute!” Sana comments.

Jihyo herself is also leaving traces. She pans her own camera to her partner, “Sana ssi tell us what you bought recently.”

“I have an Adidas tracksuit. It’s lined with fleece.”

“Isn’t it too early for that?”

“But I like it. I’ll wear that this winter.” As long as Sana likes it, Jihyo would make a space for an off-seasoned tracksuit in her newly bought drawer.

Jihyo turns the camera to herself and also shares about clothing, “I actually wanted to shop for clothes. But I don’t have any places to go all dressed up.”

“It’s been like that. But it’s worse now with the pandemic”, Sana says from the side. Of course, Sana knows that her partner hasn’t gone anywhere; unlike what the sasaengs and Dispatch claim.

The Jjakkungs have become even more domestic. Even the extroverted Sana has recently considered muting the world out through mobile gaming; particularly, the Homescape.

Jihyo would like to talk more. But staff has called them for rehearsals. Afterwards, Twice gets dolled up for the Blue Carpet. Nayeon swings the camera again.

Through it, Jihyo is seen in front of the vanity mirror with staff doing her makeup. Chaeyoung passes by Nayeon and compliments the unnie of her camera expertise. The unnie says again, “I got a mission to film a lot.”

There’s a long enough waiting period succeeding the blue carpet. Thus, some of the girls have gone back to the dorm like the roommates Jihyo and Mina; while the others went to the JYP cafeteria.

Later when they returned, Jihyo prepares the camera and Sana gets up close to the other’s cheek. Through the camera, the Jjakkungs gaze at each other along with smiles that have tiny sounds of laughter.

Sana then greets Jihyo as if it’s morning. Sweetly, she says “Got some sleep?”

“Nope”, Jihyo answers softly as she shakes head. Upon looking at herself, she realizes she does look like she slept. So she blurts out laughing, “I didn’t sleep but I look as if I did. Right?”

Partner Sana knowing Jihyo so well even her sleep pattern, the Japanese agrees saying “Yeah like a long time.”

“I stayed up and watched TV.”

“Both of you?”

Without pause, Jihyo answers “Alone.” Sana gives a stern look to the camera. Jihyo continues “I watched TV, read webtoons on phone.”

Sana moves to the other person she was pertaining at the question ‘both of you?’ It’s Mina who had just woken up. Sana tags her along to do something quirky. Like, separating a tissue paper and sticking them on forehead.

Chaeyoung walks in and approaches Mina; bending on her side to see the latter’s face up close. Mina notices and tilts head asking what’s up. Chaeng exclaims, “I thought you were crying!”

While these three banters, Jihyo is seen passing by. When they reminisce about the Melody Project, Sana and Mina give compliment to Chaeng’s. In which Chaeng brings up, “Jihyo unnie did it too!”

“Right!” Mina remembers.

“She did a showcase”, of course Sana remembers well. Chaeng pans the camera to Jihyo who turns out to be sitting beside her.

The leader is busy watching again on her phone as it’s held in landscape. Jihyo looks up quick when she heard partner Sana talks about her. Then, nods before going back watching.

The rest of the School Meal Club, Dahyun and Tzuyu are one with the mission. Tzuyu is also swinging the camera, catching Jihyo. Evidently, the leader is nowhere near Daniel. That she’s not even texting him. Still watching on phone.

And when Jihyo found out that Sana is doing a JYP dance challenge with Momo, she yanked a camera and rushed towards them. She cares about this more than anything. More than anyone.

On Dahyun’s self-camera, Dahyun talked of how Twice’s day is going. It’s being consistent of their demonstrations.

“We came here at 9am to rehearse. Then, we did hair and makeup. At 4pm, the carpet event began. We had a break after. Now, we’re getting ready again. We’re the closing act of Part 2. So, we are queuing.”

This shot is still taken in the dressing room. It meant that they are not queuing directly along the backstage. Well in stage management protocols, the backstage should never be cramped for smoother traffic flow of the acts.

Only the next performing artist must occupy the backstage. The rest are in the dressing room, waiting to be called. The hosts’ spill becomes the gap time for entrance, exit, and calling in the next act.

Thus, although the names are close in the cue list (as in KANG DANIEL - RED VELVET - TWICE), they wouldn’t run into each other. Especially, RV Irene & Seulgi unit is between them; adding more gap time.

The girls are more at ease than they were in Asia Artist Awards, Vietnam. There’s slimmer chance to see him now as there’s no artist corner too that’s usually a walking distance to the stage.

The girls wouldn’t have to be extra professional staring blankly at the monitor when Kang Daniel would be summoned to the front. In case fate betrays Jihyo again and that slim chance would happen in the backstage, there wouldn’t be much difference.

Twice would still be extra professional. Reckon that this time, the girls would stare him down, while Sana and Jihyo have entangled arms right in front of him as they pass by.

Because the girls know how inconsiderate he is; the emotional rollercoaster he cost them whenever he caught them off-guard by his alarming messages and trending issues, consequently dragging Jihyo down.

These repeated offenses have much to say about Jihyo and Daniel supporting each other. That even such Dispatch detail is untrue.

“_We’re never not sincere_”, Twice has said. Holding them accountable, it meant that them never acknowledging Daniel is sincere. And the look that Jihyo gave to Sana while the latter gives speech, is also sincere.

The girls go back to the dorm right after Soribada. Nayeon starts a Vlive to complete today’s mission. Where’s Jihyo? Definitely not at Daniel’s. Jihyo is specifically located on Sana’s lap as she joins the broadcast.

While Nayeon and Momo banter about Pokemon, Jihyo wants to share about Meowth (yes, the cat pokemon) to Sana. So Jihyo turns head. With their bodies already too close, Jihyo’s lips almost touch Sana’s.

The leader is flustered that she covers her mouth quick. The Japanese finds it funny. What’s Jihyo being shy for when it isn’t the first time their lips are cm away while on broadcast?

If Jihyo could remember January 17, 2019; she’s even the one initiating.

Nonetheless, Jihyo paces the skinship to a calmer level. Arms wrap around the tummy, legs overlapping, leaning heads on each other’s neck, hands on knees, arms, inner thighs. For such intimate partners Sana and Jihyo, THIS is the calm level.

Later into the broadcast, Jihyo shares “I took a photo before I changed clothes, to upload it on Twicetagram.”

“Are you going to post it today?” Nayeon asks.

“Yup.” Jihyo must’ve been so happy that she’s feeling generous.

August 16th—three days have gone, Jihyo ends up not posting it. She uploads a different photo and eerily captions “I didn’t like the selcas I took at Soribada so I’ll post the picture Nayeon unnie took of me during the online concert instead.”

Something happened that suddenly made Jihyo dislike the Soribada selcas. It’s the search trends the day after. As Jeong had rested, she was able to spectate and told Jihyo about it.

“_Uhm, Jihyo-yah… You… kind of- put my sign beside his_.”

“_EH?! I HAVE NOOO IDEA_”, Jihyo was brooding over this. Best friend Jeong shook head. Yet, she couldn’t call the leader idiot this time knowing Jihyo would further be saddened.

Jihyo had been practicing Jeong’s signature. So that when Twice signs the Soribada photobooth board, all nine would be there. The leader was eyeing the edges instead of the middle, since she’ll just put it as proxy.

But of course, Jihyo doesn’t even know what Kang Daniel’s signature looks like. Unfortunately for babo fans, they think it IS the couple’s interaction. They gush over Jihyo being so in love with Daniel that she signed next to his.

Jihyo’s own signature is beside Mina’s though. Jeong tried to console her about it saying “_Well at least it’s not YOUR sign. If anything, this shows how much of a stranger he is to you_.”

She added, “_What girl would put other’s sign instead of her own, beside her BF’s? Gwaenchana, Jihyo-yah~ Since you aren’t really dating him, you didn’t know._”

But for Jihyo, it wasn’t okay. More than that, the leader also saw fan edits where Sana is replaced by Daniel in the moment of the acceptance speech; making it look like Jihyo is staring at Daniel.

She’s fuming. Her real partner Sana and the sincerity of the look she gave her are disrespected. To cope up, she sends messages on the V-chat August 18th.

[I don’t sound like me right?]

[ah if I use ‘yong’, it sounds like Momo?]

Jihyo attempts to imitate the members chat style. She has tried Jeong’s and Momo’s. But when it comes to Sana’s, she isn’t lost.

[Sana has a special feature. Wait a minute]

[I’m looking at Instagram]

[annyeong Onceu <3 as expected, our Once is lovely 😊]

[often use baby emoticon]

Jihyo knows that she could find Sana style in Twicetagram. To a tee, without forgetting the purple heart pertaining to Sana’s officially designated color.

Come August 21st—Jihyo includes the purple heart on her own post, sending another message. This time on Twicetagram, Sana’s standard platform. Some solo photos, some with Momo in their Hawaii schedule.

Yes, Momo. The chingu whom Sana had vacation to Hawaii with. The member whose puberty twins with Jihyo yet had matching answer when they’re to choose their favorite season.

With purple heart, Jihyo captions “The summer days I loved. To enjoy it again, let’s look out for each other and live with strength, considering each other’s health as our own. Once, I miss you TT <3”

The Japanese opens her go-to platform. In noticing the signs, she reads quietly. _Sana, my love. To be happy, let’s always be together and live fully, caring for each other’s health as our own. See you soon <3_

August 22nd—Sana, Jihyo, and Jeongyeon are about to film Twice TV ‘Home gardening’ episode. While on standby, Jeong turns the Vlive on secretly.

She puts her index over her lips as if shushing. Then sneakily, pans the camera to the Jjakkungs. Sooner, Jeong reveals it surprising Jihyo for a bit. The leader then restarts the Live on its plus channel.

If the babo fans’ logic is to assume on things out of thin air then, what Jihyo has to do is make themselves go exclusive. Only a few has the smarts to see and understand their sincerity anyway.

“Leader-nim! Leader-nim!” leader Jihyo’s camera is focused on Sana while calling the Japanese in a cute way. Indeed, a never-before-seen content. “Please show some aegyo, leader-nim! …Please wink, leader-nim!”

“I can’t do things like that”, Sana says.

“What happens when Sana becomes the leader is,” the Japanese then shoots the leader a look while saying “make people who aren’t leaders do personal things for me.”

“Then today’s youngest will learn from this. I’ll learn from this very well!” Jihyo smiles and squeezes in to Sana, now together facing the camera.

These two never hid the fact that they are each other’s Jjakkung. But the things that Sana made Jihyo do, the things that Jihyo learned well from Sana—are theirs to keep. Hence, those have since remained personal.

If there’s such thing as a secret that’s out in the open, this must be it.

Many have remained babo, merely following the public knowledge instead. For they believe the companies more than TWICE themselves. Fans turning a blind eye, is them letting the companies pull off a perfect crime.

Such is the making of a secret best-kept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EPILOGUE next week!  
btw, you may catch me blabbering on twitter as @Playspective1 :)


	50. Epilogue: Bucket List

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
1) Vlive  
2) Twicetagram
> 
> Done done. wah! more than a year spent :)  
btw, I'm on twitter @Playspective1

It’s an hour pass midnight of September 18th when Jihyo logs in to V-chat. The leader who’s a usual early sleeper has been trying to fall asleep. But in this moment, she finds it hard to do so.

[when I close eyes, I’m having many thoughts so I can’t sleep TT TT]

[Oh did you see Home Gardening? Here’s Ang-ie next to me]

The cactus plant Jihyo potted. Jeong helped her quick think of names. Jihyo ended up with the nickname she likes. The one Sana hash tagged recently. _Anggeuli_, Ang-ie for short.

[amazing. I don’t have interest in plants when I was young, but I like it recently]

[hahaha you want me to do a vlive??]

[I can’t because the members are sleeping. My voice is loud]

Particularly, Sana is beside her. It’s such rare occurrence to have her partner sleep earlier than her. Feeling warm and soft, a lovely memory to remember, Jihyo is kept awake having thoughts.

[I sleep with a leg at right angle. Like exercising muffler lizard]

[ah embarrassing. Forget it. Let’s keep it a secret between us]

[have to dance dance tomorrow. It’s not spoiler. IT’S DANCE YOU ALREADY KNOW STOP GUESSING kekekekekeke]

[when I wake up tomorrow, I’ll probably be like ‘why did I stay late’ but since I chat with Once I feel it’s meaningful]

The sun has risen and Twice run for their schedule. At around 8am while on standby, Sana is the one V-chatting this time.

[Twice-morning, Once-morning, Sha-morning]

[I ate breakfast. Did you eat breakfast?]

[what should I do for the next ‘finding hobby’] Twice TV Home Gardening was Sana’s idea for the said intention. She’s onto the next saying [I wanna do something but don’t know if possible because covid]

[Park Jihyo really a spoiler kekekekeke]

[today I dreamt of my family! Went shopping to select clothes for Appa]

[I woke up with Jihyo]

[someone thinks the one who post the latest is me, but it’s Jihyo] Three days ago, a photo collection of Sana and Jihyo selca was posted on Twicetagram. They were on the set of Time to Twice, the high school edition.

Their background was the blackboard with “jjakkung <3” chalk-written on it. Using a baby emoticon, cherry emoji, red heart, women with bunny ears partying emoji, and a rainbow; it’s captioned “high school days Jjakkung.”

Since the Dispatch report, only Sana could call Jihyo their couple endearment. This is the first time that Jihyo was able to publicly pertain again to Sana as Jjakkung.

[who post my selca it’s me kekekeke it’s funny if another member posted]

[when someone post Instagram, you have doubt kekekeke Oh right, I posted Jihyo’s selca before kekekeke]

[Once… I’m going ☹ Take Care <3] Sana logs off with a heart in Jihyo’s color.

The girls are busy preparing for October, Twice’s month. Well, they always are. But they’re taking things one day at a time. No rush, they still gotta celebrate Nayeon’s birthday.

And just like there are highs, lows are inevitable.

While there’s festivity for Nayeon, Tzuyu’s 11-year-old family dog Gucci has left them. Such times may be fate’s betrayal. But the girls realize who are truly with them through their toughest.

Sana goes back to Vlive, audio-only. In acknowledging a comment about some fans’ worries, Sana says “Honestly it wouldn’t be 100% fine. Tzuyu may try to overcome. Twice will be there for Tzuyu.”

It isn’t the first beloved Twice pet that the girls overcome together. Jeongyeon lost hers overlapping Tzuyu’s birthday. With the understanding that the girls have among themselves have gone deep, they could console one another.

In the same Live, Sana chooses to acknowledge a thoughtful query. She’s asked what she thinks happiness is. Her answer, “The biggest happiness is being able to do something you like and at the end of the day, being able to sleep next to people who you like.”

Sana walks her talk living the life she likes together with her favorite people. The following day, all nine are present as Jeongyeon has joined back the schedule; filming for another Time to Twice.

When the shoot is done, Twice goes back in the usual subunits of 3 members per van. One has Sana, Jihyo, and Dahyun in it. Seated in front of the two, Dahyun starts the Vlive shooting most of the frame towards the back.

It’s a short 16 minutes and 50 seconds broadcast. But they have never been brave sending the message. Dahyun has fun reading the comments, especially the marriage proposals to Sana.

To which Sana thinks aloud, “I get that a lot. People asking marriage.”

“Wae~ “, Jihyo says biting her own tongue out.

“They want to marry me.” Sana gazes at Jihyo.

Jihyo suddenly closes mouth making a stern look. It’s not sitting well with her so she says, “Andwaeji.”

Sana sniggers then, pans away as she fixes own collar. Jihyo lets out one sneering laugh. Looking ahead, Sana asks “Why? WHY can’t I get married?”

Smiling, Jihyo looks to the window and throws caution to the wind. “You can’t”, she utters. Then, breaks the 2-second silence and goes for it.

“Because you’re my Jjakkung.”

Sana giggles, “I like it.”

“You like these facing here?!” Jihyo hollers at Sana while adjusting the lounge chairs a bit.

“Yup the view is pretty”, Sana is coming back from the mini bar with a tray of snacks and drinks.

“Alright”, Jihyo then wades into the pool splashing some on Sana. She smiles mischievously as the other shrieks. She tells her “O~ Come with me, since you’re already wet.”

"Hmm just a sec." Sana lets the tray afloat, without stepping into the water just yet. Instead, she lounges first appreciating the view. Jjakkungs are overlooking by the villa’s cliffside. The sky stroke colors of purple and orange, as the sun sets dusking.

For Sana, what makes the view even prettier is a happy and healthy Jihyo reeling her in to share the precious moment. Sana joins in carefully. She takes a satay, bites off a portion, and offers feeding the other through the mouth.

This was just a little thought back in 2020 of July 18th. Jihyo went on Vlive, her first solo broadcast in a long while. She got the courage to push through as Nayeon and Momo dropped by quick.

After scrolling through those Kang Daniel comments, Jihyo found one to read aloud. “_Where do you want to travel after this pandemic?_”

“_I really want to travel to Hawaii. Or- I planned a family trip to Bali but I couldn’t make it because I was sick then. So, I want to travel to Bali because I couldn’t go._”

Sana too had expressed similarly in August 28th. “_I’d love to visit all the countries where Once is, for a tour. But if I go on vacation… I’d like to go to Bali._”

For Jihyo, in creating personal memories which she could claim as exclusively Jjakkungs’, it can’t be the usual Hawaii. After many years, Sana and Jihyo find the chance and spend their honeymoon by the Bali oceanfront.

The latter’s phone rings. Jihyo is the one now asking a timeout for a video call. Sana goes for a backhug and lets her.

“Annyeong, congrats again!!”

“Hey idiot…”

“Uhh Jihyo unnie?”

It’s the members overlapping each other through the camera excitedly greeting. But NoJams Jeong and Chaeng seem to have something to say. Worriedly, Mina snatches the camera and tells it.

“Yah Jihyo-yah, about Chaengie’s gift… It’s not for THAT, I repeat it’s not for that.” Mina adds, “It’s for surfboards!”

“Jihyo unnie knows, right? Aren’t you gonna learn surfing soon? That’s why I gifted that”, Chaeyoung explains herself.

“Don’t rub it on each other, okay?!” Jeong yells.

Mina shushes the embarrassing two. Jihyo merely chuckles and instead, greets congratulations back to Mina for establishing businesses over there in Hawaii.

Among others, she co-owns a health bar with NaJeongMo and a merch shop with DaChaeTzu. That’s where Chaeyoung got the strawberry sex wax gift to the newlyweds.

“Unnie? Hello?”

“Araseo, araseo. I won’t start lessons yet anyway. We’ll still have to move our stuff when we get back to Osaka”, Jihyo shares.

Osaka, Japan. Because “_THIS has no place in Korea_.” It isn’t any kinder for this kind of partnership but there’s progress. Besides, where else could Jihyo practice her fluency? Eventually, Sana takes Jihyo in to her hometown.

The place where Sana raised hamster, rabbit, sparrow, dog, duck, and squirrel as she had shared in a Vlive, May 23rd of 2020. Sana too had expressed raising a cat, as she grew fond of it.

But delayed it knowing the responsibility of raising a life while busy being Twice. Now that they’re free to choose a life for themselves and that Jihyo has Bbuyo, Sana decides to help caring for her partner’s beloved cat.

Jihyo is already happy being with Sana like this. Yet, the place itself has its wonders. There are surfing spots an hour away and fields to plant on at the backyard.

Sana and Jihyo alights the car, arriving at their own little forest. The latter smiles as she looks at it remembering her family back in Korea. Because it’s made extra special by her architect father.

With the vision of living together for a long time, Sana and Jihyo discussed with Park Appa to take inspiration from the Jikka by Issei Suma.

They might have the glimpse while it aired in Netflix and got their attention, as two ageing women decided to live together in a place that literally means _real home_.

Sana takes Jihyo by the hand and tells her, “Tadaima!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to those who like it, pls donate at ko-fi.com/playspective  
many thanks <3


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